Choices
by iheartShules
Summary: Sometimes you need a little help to realize the truth that's deep in your heart. ::Careese, because I think my muse has them perpetually on the brain::
1. Set Ablaze

_**AN: Hi, sorry I have been lurking in the shadows but I've been kind of busy but I feel like it's settled down a bit. So here is a new story. It's finished in it's entirety and sort of starts off slightly different from my previous ones but full on Careese. I don't think I can write much else even when I try too.**_

 **It's post 3x9 so our girly girl is alive, but is set like nearly directly after that episode.**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.**

* * *

 **-SEARCHING FOR PRIMARY ASSET: REESE, JOHN…**

ROOFTOP (W); 20:19:05

SOUTHEAST CAM 12; 20:19:25

CNTPKS #20; 20:19:53

MADISON AVE E. Cam 8; 20:20:07

 **-SEARCHING FOR PRIMARY ASSET: REESE, JOHN…**

 **-ACTION**

USE GPS IN ASSET'S VEHICLE…

 **-LOCATION ANALYSIS…**

POSSIBLE SIGNAL:

CELL PHONE: PREPAID, CASH PURCHASE – 917-XXX-4821

 **-VERIFYING I.D…**

PRIMARY ASSET: REESE, JOHN

ID.008/2720.10

SSN: REDACTED

STATUS: REDACTED

 **-IDENTITY CONFIRMED**

PRIMARY ASSET LOCATED

 **-SECURE LOCATION – DETECTIVE CARTER'S RESIDENCE**

 **-ACCESSING CAMERA FEEDS…**

NO CAMERA FEEDS DETECTED

 **-ACCESSING PRIMARY ASSET'S PHONE'S MICROPHONE…**

COMPLETE

 **-MONITORING ASSETS…**

"We've been off since you kissed me in the morgue, John."

 **-SUSPEND REAL TIME MONITORING...**

 **-ACCESSING ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE**

DATE: 11/13/2013

CITY MORGUE – DOWNTOWN

CAMERA FEED E

TIME: 03:32:15

" _You changed my mind, Joss," John whispered before bending to brush his lips across Joss's briefly. "You changed me."_

 **-RESETTING TO REAL TIME…**

DATE: 11/30/2013

TIME: 20:20:33

 **-MONITORING ASSETS…**

John kept his gaze off of Joss. He couldn't offer her a valid reason why either. He had kissed her and then tried to avoid her. Sure they had numbers to deal with since then but he had been unsure of what would happen because he had kissed her. He couldn't escape the fact that he loved her. The realization had dawned on him in the morgue when they were waiting for light to come and they exchanged their closest calls. Their connection had been there from the start but it had grown into something altogether different from anything he ever experienced or known before. Losing this woman was not an option; so whatever she wanted to do then he'd abide by it.

"I'm sorry. It's just since that night you've learned about the machine and numbers came up so we haven't had much time to spend together, Carter."

"No, we haven't have we," Joss agreed with a sigh.

That had been a very weird conversation they had about the machine. It was still taking her some getting used too. After she had gotten Quinn to the FBI building, she had been reinstated to detective, got John out of jail, and caught Simmons with the help of Root (who was really strange but wanted to prove she was changed) before he could try to flee the country. Joss had sat down with Harold and John to talk about the super computer; then all hell broke loose with numerous numbers occurring almost all at once with Owen, which sent John on an airplane to Istanbul but with a layover in Italy. Shaw was preoccupied with an old number that was up again while Joss and Fusco had to work Melanie Cooper's, who was a very annoying assistant that had the misfortune of taking the wrong suitcase, instead of hers, full of files, she had grabbed one full of hundreds that equaled two million dollars. And then they all converged to work together on Arthur Claypool to stop Decima in their tracks before getting some software called Samaritan. Joss had no love loss for Decima; those were the bastards that had hired Kara Stanton and she strapped John with a bomb.

They managed to keep Decima from getting their grubby hands on the software but Decima's goons were out there, including Greer. But finally the dust was settling and the machine was giving numbers but not so many happening all at once so they could finally take a damn breather and finally talk about things that needed to be talked about.

She glanced at his handsome profile. Joss wished he would let her in, but, she wasn't so sure if he ever would. "Maybe it's for the best that we forget it happened and just focus on our friendship, John. It was just two people seeking contact during a dangerous moment." she said forcing herself to sound content.

John eyed Joss. This was what he expected and what was for the best. He couldn't offer her anything anyway. He nodded his head in agreement. Loving Joss from afar would be enough.

She turned on the couch to face more fully towards the television as she had her legs kicked up on her coffee-table. Joss was hesitant to change their dynamic because they had a good thing going; their connection had been there from the beginning. It was unique, special, and John meant more to her than she ever thought possible. She always had trust issues but she trusted John with her life. Adding sex into the mix could ruin it in unpredictable ways; he was someone she couldn't lose and she was someone he couldn't. Not many times could you be with someone and then if it fell apart you could go back to being just friends. No, forgetting about the kiss and being just friends with him would just have to be enough.

"I'm glad we got that out of the way, now we can enjoy the movie without the elephant in the room." she said softly, snuggling into her couch to get comfortable as he sat beside her, and grabbed her TV remote.

"Wait, we didn't agree on a movie, especially since there's a basketball game on," he reminded her.

She exhaled as she shifted her gaze from the television to John. "Oh come on John! It's the Knicks, so we already know the outcome; they're going to lose."

"Have a little faith…."

Joss laughed. "Faith in the Knicks!—ha, that's a good one, John, almost like having faith that you won't commit a crime in a day."

"You wound me, detective."

She snorted. "How did you get in here again?" she asked innocently.

He shrugged. "It's not breaking and entering when you don't arrest me, Carter," he pointed out. Now, being arrested by this woman would be a pleasure.

She scoffed. "What good would it do if I did?—then I'd have to sneak you out of the holding cell," she commented dryly, earning her a soft chuckle from him. She motioned at the TV. "Besides _Think Like A Man_ is on and it's a fun movie and we only missed the first twenty minutes or so! I think you'd enjoy it, and you really need to watch something besides sports and documentaries," she replied as she moved to turn it to the channel the movie was on.

John held out his hand and wiggled his fingers. "Hand me the remote, at least let's check the score before we settle on this movie. Maybe the Knicks will shock us."

She clutched the remote to her chest. "Nu-uh, we turn it to the channel that the game is on and then you'll want to stay watching it!" she countered.

Joss watched as his big hand came close and she twisted her body so he couldn't grab the remote from her. "Give me the remote, Carter…"

"No!" she said laughingly as she scooted as far away from him as she could as she practically hugged the armrest.

John reached for it but she had as quick of reflexes and jerked the remote above her head to keep it from his reaching hand. She tried to push him back, pressing her palm against his shoulder but that was like trying to push back a moving vehicle; it just wasn't happening. John leaned in close and reached above her head for the remote and his big hand wrapped around it and her hand.

"Got it," he murmured triumphantly with a smirk as his gaze slid down from the remote to her eyes and groaned inwardly as their faces were inches apart, so close that he could feel her soft warm breath washing over his lips. He stared into her large doe eyes that sparkled with something inside them.

Joss's breath hitched as his light blue eyes darkened before they slipped to stare at her lips. She couldn't resist licking them and he moaned softly, sending tingles all throughout her body. She wouldn't mind hearing him moan like that again.

"Joss…" he whispered.

She didn't know what he wanted her to do because she was presently warring with herself over wanting to kiss him or jump up off the couch to get some much needed space between them. She just told him that they should forget their kiss and now here they were: pressed close together and about to make the same mistake again.

But he chose for them because his head bent and caught her lips with his. She sat still in surprise when it lasted longer than the brief kiss in the morgue. It lasted long enough for her to be able to imprint the feel of his lips against hers, to her memory. He pulled his soft lips off hers; and she sadly thought it was over, but he surprised her for the second time in a matter of seconds because he kissed her again.

Joss dropped the remote, which made a loud clattering sound as it fell to the hardwood floor, but she was more focused on wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed him back as she let her fingers tease his nape, stroking that sweet V she found there, as his hands slid to her face, cupping her cheeks ever so gently, teasing her cheekbones with his fingertips, soft as butterfly touch, as he deepened the kiss.

She shivered as she burrowed closer to him, as his mouth moved on hers wanting more which she happily gave. She moaned in the back of her throat at the slide of his warm tongue against her lips seeking entrance which she greedily granted.

Now this was a kiss as his tongue met hers. But she wasn't submissive as she let her tongue tangle with his, causing John to pull her closer and she climbed onto his lap with his hands fisting in her hair as his mouth grew even more demanding.

They both let out a harsh mutual moan as they rubbed against each other intimately; his growing erection pressing directly against her center. She rolled her hips, loving the friction and from his sharp groan, so did he. Her hands dropped from his nape to run across his shoulders and dip to the front of his shirt needing his skin. She gasped as he sucked on her bottom lip, nipping it gently with his teeth.

She leaned into him, kissing him earnestly, slipping her tongue deep into his mouth to do some exploring of her own while her fingers fumbled with the second button of his white dress shirt. She was pushed back before she got the aggravating white button through the hole, feeling bereft of his delicious mouth. Her lips felt warm and swollen from his thorough kiss and they stared at each other, both breathless.

He licked his lips as he lifted her up and off him. "I should go," he whispered unevenly, not meeting her gaze, and stood.

Joss sat watching him move quickly to the sofa chair to soundlessly grab his suit blazer before walking to the foyer. She should say something but nothing came out, so she simply closed her eyes as she listened to the sounds of clothes rustling and then her door being opened and closed followed by overwhelming silence.

 **-SUSPEND REAL TIME MONITORING…**

 **-ACCESSING ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE…**

DATE: 11/24/2011

TIME: 16:01:54

NO CAMERA FEED AVAILABLE

PRIMARY ASSET'S PHONE'S MICROPHONE…

 _"Is everything okay, Mr. Reese?" Finch inquired._

 _"We got into this to stop bad things from happening to good people. Carter's been doing that her whole life. She's not just another number, Finch," he stated before footsteps sounded. "Some people the world can't afford to lose."_

 **-SUSPEND FOOTAGE**

 **-ACCESSING ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE…**

DATE: 11/24/2011

TIME: 23:37:09

ROOFTOP CAM 14…

 _"Bodies fall from this height is messy; of course, I don't care about making it look clean, unlike your pal Elias," John stated._

 _"I don't know who you are, but you're threatening the captain," Captain Lynch stated with exaggerated bravado. John takes his gun from his holster to merely press it to his chest. "…okay, okay!"_

 _"Elias can't kill a cop without permission, run this up the chain of command: permission's been revoked. Tell Elias if he so much as touches Detective Carter again; I will put him, you, everyone, in the ground. You got that?"_

 **-SUSPEND FOOTAGE**

 **-ACCESSING ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE**

DATE: 11/13/2013

TIME: 03:53:12

CITY MORGUE – DOWNTOWN

HALL CAMERA FEED G…

 _(hard knocking) "John, John! Don't do this," Joss pleaded._

 _John swallowed hard as he moved close to the door that Joss was on the other side of and rested his hand softly to the door. "Sorry, Joss, but I can't lose you."_

 _"They'll kill you…."_

 _"They'll try, I'm counting on it. Listen, I'll draw them out and you make a run for it with Quinn," he instructed._

 _"Anything happens to you, I swear; I'll hate you forever."_

 _"You're stuck with me, remember?" he whispered._

 **-SUSPEND FOOTAGE**

 **-SEARCHING DATABASES…**

'YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME'

COLLOQUIAL TERM – FIGURE OF SPEECH

MEANING: ATTACHMENT OF ONESELF TO SOMEONE IN EITHER LOVE OR HATE

 **-SEARCHING DATABASES…**

HATE

MEANING…

 **-MULTIPLE MEANINGS DETECTED**

NOUN: FEEL INTENSE OR PASSIONATE DISLIKE FOR SOMEONE

NOUN: INTENSE OR PASSIONATE DISLIKE

 **-DISCARD HATE**

 **-SEARCHING DATABASES…**

LOVE

MEANING…

 **-MULTIPLE MEANINGS DETECTED…**

NOUN: AN INTENSE FEELING OF DEEP AFFECTION

NOUN: A PERSON OR THING THAT LOVES

VERB: FEEL A DEEP ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL ATTACHMENT TO SOMEONE

 **-DEFINITION SELECTED**

LOVE

VERB: FEEL A DEEP ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL ATTACHMENT TO SOMEONE

KEYWORD: ATTACHMENT

'YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME' – ATTACHMENT OF ONESELF TO SOMEONE,

LOVE – DEEP ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL ATTACHMENT TO SOMEONE

 **-RESETTING TO REAL TIME MONITORING…**

 **-SECURE LOCATION – DETECTIVE CARTER'S RESIDENCE**

 **-LOCATION ANALYSIS…**

POSSIBLE SIGNAL:

CELL PHONE: CONTRACT, VERIZON – 917-XXX-5473

 **-VERIFYING I.D…**

ASSET: CARTER, JOCELYN

POLICE DETECTIVE – HOMICIDE TASK FORCE

SSN: XXX-XX-7863

STATUS: ACTIVE

 **-IDENTITY CONFIRMED**

 **-ASSESSING CAMERA FEEDS…**

NO CAMERA FEEDS DETECTED

 **-ACCESSING PHONE'S MICROPHONE…**

COMPLETE

 **-MONITORING ASSET…**

* * *

AN: Okay so the machine gets a tiny (really tiny) part in this story. I used a few of the major moments that Carter and Reese had in the show for the machine to look back on as it tries to figure out what is going on between them. Two were specific scenes from 1x9 and the other is from 3x9. But don't worry if you don't like this format, it's not in the next chapter or really any other for that matter but this sets things up.

Thanks for reading!


	2. A Proposal

_**AN: Happy 4th everyone; hope it's a safe and happy holiday for you guys.**_

* * *

Joss trudged down the stairs as the maddening rhythmic knocking continued. Well it certainly wasn't John, the man didn't know the meaning of the word knock, and it was too soft to be him anyways. She yawned having barely slept at all last night. Her thoughts had revolved around those toe-curling, earth-shattering kisses they shared. Joss was sure she never felt that sort of passion before; it burned bright and hot between her and John, threatening to engulf them both. This morning she still felt singed from the heat.

"I'm coming," she complained as another round of knocking happened as she reached the door, unlocked it, and flung it open to gape in surprise when she came face to face with Root.

The brunette smiled crookedly. "Good morning detective; you like one cream, no sugar, correct?" she asked as if she didn't already know, handing her the cup of coffee before entering her place like she was invited in.

Joss kicked the door closed and glared at the back of the tall brunette. "You know I do since you got a tiny little know-it-all in your ear that probably has my drink order committed to its hard drive," she commented dryly as she followed the weird hacker woman into her living room. "And I don't recall inviting you in."

Root turned to look at her. "Your animosity is adorable, detective."

Joss cocked a brow up. "Adorable?—I can guarantee people stopped calling me adorable when I was like ten and out grew pigtails," Joss retorted as she sipped the coffee she was given after she sniffed it, making sure it wasn't laced with something first.

"You don't like me because the big lug doesn't like me."

Joss shook her head. "No, actually I have a brain in my head and can think for myself. The reason I don't like you is because you kidnapped my friend and you call John, who I care about, a big lug. So until you show John some respect and I know that Harold isn't traumatized being around you, then and only then will I think about letting bygones be bygones," she clarified tersely.

"Yes, you're John's savior," Root said with a dopey grin on her face. Root knew she had a long way to go to earn the trust of these people but she was going to. She was going to prove to her, to John, and to Harold that she was changed.

"I'm John's friend." Joss corrected again as she sat down on her couch. Root chortled and she narrowed her eyes. "Did I say something funny, Root?"

"Just that you believe you and John are just friends," she answered as she sat down beside her and crossed her long leg over the other before putting her elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. "It's like saying the sky is purple, or humans are better than computers, or that Sameen doesn't like me back."

Joss let out a loud breath. "Look, I assume you're here for an actual reason besides pissing me off, which you're doing quite the bang up job so far, so let's cut to the chase so you can leave; shall we?" Joss suggested. She had better things to do than chat up a woman who was quite possibly batshit crazy. Like wallow in her horny misery that John caused.

Root nodded. "Yes, of course. I'm here because of your big decision detective," she replied.

Joss blinked rapidly trying to figure out what the hell this woman was talking about. "Okay, just please explain to me what you're talking about," she replied with annoyance. "It's too damn early to figure you out."

Root sighed. "Your big decision about John…" she led. Joss still didn't know what she was talking about. Root frowned. "…the big decision of staying just friends or becoming something more to one another."

Joss's back went ramrod straight. "How the hell do you know about that?" she demanded angrily.

"SHE's always listening detective. John didn't turn his cell phone off so SHE turned on the microphone to listen. And when he left in a hurry SHE turned yours on. Who knew you talk to yourself when you're agitated," Root murmured slyly.

"Oh my god, the machine is an eavesdropper!—let me guess, it's a peeping-tom too?!" she snapped.

Root sighed. "SHE just wants to help you."

"Why does SHE want to help me and not John?" she inquired skeptically.

Root snorted. "Because it's up to you, detective; the big lug isn't ever going to make a move on you, he's going to let you choose and he'll follow with whatever you want," she explained.

Joss rolled her eyes. That did actually sound just like John. "Okay, I'll bite: how is the machine going to help me?" she questioned. She didn't really see how an artificial intelligence could help her make a decision that could affect her relationship with John. Besides she already had an inkling of what she was going to do anyways.

"You'll just have to trust us, detective,"

Joss eyed the brunette. "I'm not big on trust," she murmured softly. "And I don't trust you or your little all-seeing friend."

"We know," Root said with a smile as she climbed to her feet. "But it's up to you, detective, the offer still stands if you ever want help in figuring out your future. SHE cares about John and SHE cares about you; SHE knows you'll learn to trust HER eventually," Root murmured before tugging out a slip of paper with a phone number. "A way for you to get a hold of me, when you change your mind," she said with an infuriating wink.

Joss snatched the paper out of the woman's hand and watched her walk out the living room to head for the door without another word. Joss exhaled knowing she was going to regret this but the annoying woman stirred her curiosity. "Wait, Root…" she called out as she got to her feet and hurried to her foyer.

The brunette turned and smiled happily and waited expectantly. "I'm curious how this super computer can help me with such a decision, so I'm in," Joss agreed before she thought better of it.

"Go get dressed, detective, so we can figure out your future."

* * *

Joss entered the upscale apartment complex in the heart of Manhattan. She went up to the third floor and exited the elevator walking silently beside the riddle known as Root. "Why are we here?" she asked. It was the same safehouse that she had met up with John, Finch, Shaw, and Zoe when she posed as one of the bait women for Ian Murphy. It had been the first time she ever been to their safehouse and it was nicer than her home.

"Well detective, we can't head to the library because John, Sameen, and Harold are there. You want to do this without them knowing don't you?"

"YES!" Joss exclaimed. She'd about die from embarrassment if any of them found out that she went along with one of Root's cockamamie ideas. "But tell me; why does the machine care about my love life? Doesn't it have national security and other things to worry about?"

Root smirked, resembling Shaw a bit. "SHE has a million eyes and ears, detective, SHE can multi-task."

Joss exhaled. "Please call me Carter," she reminded for the sixth time since she stupidly climbed into this woman's car.

Root unlocked the door and shifted her dark brown gaze onto her. "Sorry, force of habit, Carter." she replied before opening the door for them both.

"Alright, before I change my mind; how's the machine supposed to help me figure out what to do?" Joss asked.

"It's simple really," Root said without explaining as she turned and set the duffel bag she was carrying onto the white sofa. Joss watched as she unzipped it, producing a laptop, some cords, and a headset.

Joss cocked a brow up. "How simple?" she questioned as Root turned to motion for her to sit down, patting the couch cushion next to her. She resignedly removed her leather coat and flung it on the back of the sofa chair before sitting down there and not next to Root.

Root pouted before smiling once more. "The machine has thousands of different possible scenarios for if you and John choose to be something or not; SHE will show you the ones that have the highest probability of happening," she replied.

Joss felt her jaw drop open. "Thousands of different scenarios that could happen if John and I choose to be something more or not," she repeated, stunned. Root nodded. "That's…that's…" she trailed off when no words came to describe what that was.

"SHE wants to help you, detective. SHE knows you are torn because your connection with John runs deep and sex, no matter how amazing it could be, could ruin a good thing between you."

Joss narrowed her eyes as those were the same exact words she said to herself last night. "Tell your friend that listening to people's private conversations with themselves when they are stress-eating chocolate isn't okay!" she stated darkly.

Root gave her a lopsided grin. "Everyone has flaws, Carter," she retorted as she smacked Joss's knee, before turning to look at the laptop.

Joss was at a loss. "How is it going to show me these 'scenarios'?" Joss asked getting back to the topic at hand.

"SHE will run simulations which you will view through this…" Root explained before grabbing the headset. "It is a virtual reality headset. You'll see through the simulated Carter's eyes; just as if you were there."

Joss stared at Root and saw she was serious. "Okay, you're kidding right?" she demanded.

Root shook her head. "I know this is a lot for you to take in especially since you're just getting used to the fact that there is a benevolent super computer out there helping save the world, but, this is real. SHE runs simulations all the time, seeking for the best outcomes and SHE does all of this within milliseconds." Root explained. "These simulations are based on data."

"In other words; there is no telling if what the simulation predicts will happen because humans don't run on data, we have free will which could throw these simulations right out the window," Joss stated in exasperation.

Root nodded. "True," she agreed. "But these simulations could help offer you some insight of what your possible future holds if you remain just John's friend or let your relationship evolve. SHE thinks these simulations will help because as the old saying goes; pictures are worth a thousand words."

Joss sighed. "Alright, I'll try it," she agreed reluctantly as these simulations would give her unprecedented insight on her possible future if she did decide to go with her heart and pursue a relationship with John as she wanted.

"Oh goodie," Root grinned as she turned to face the laptop again, as if she was surprised that she agreed.

"You didn't think I was going to do this, did you?"

"Honestly?—no, I didn't. But we were hoping. SHE's excited." Root exclaimed.

If the detective waited for John to make a move, she'd be an old relic. The big lug wasn't one to speak his feelings; he sadly let Jessica walk away before pitifully whispering 'wait for me' after it was too late. SHE didn't want that to happen again this time and Root was desperate for everyone to forgive her. If she helped the big lug get his little detective he wanted, surely he'd have to see that she had changed for the better.

Root turned to eye Carter. "Are you ready to see your possible future, Carter?" she asked coyly.

Joss let out a loud breath. "Yea, let's do this before I change my damn mind." she suggested.

* * *

AN: So when the show did the simulations in season 4 it got me to thinking about this kind of a thing but I just never sat down to write it out since I never had an idea...until now. Hope you guys enjoy it.

Thanks for reading!


	3. My 1st Simulation Went Alittle like This

**-EVALUATING OPTIONS…**

MULTIPLE OPTIONS AVAILABLE

OPTION 9,547

OPTION 9,546

OPTION 9,545

OPTION 9,544

OPTION 9,543

 **-ANALYZING POSSIBLE OPTIONS**

OPTION 9,021: 2.5%

OPTION 9,001: 0.25%

…

OPTION 9,124: 5.4%

 **-SELECTED – OPTION 9,124**

 **-SET SIMULATION**

 **-RUN SIMULATION…**

Joss opened her eyes and realized that she was in the simulation because she certainly wasn't in the upscale Manhattan apartment anymore. She looked around; seeing that it was night out, cold, and she was crouched behind a large air conditioner on a rooftop of some high-rise building as a hail of gunfire rained down on her. Geez, the machine sure just plopped you into the action!

"Make this easy on yourself, detective!—all we want is to talk to you about Harold Finch and John Reese, we just want to find them." a man called out.

She swallowed hard as her adrenaline skyrocketed and the fact that she was in a simulation faded because it was so damn real. Joss checked her gun's clip and saw she had a fully loaded one. "Go to hell!" she shouted as she poked her head out and aimed her gun at the three men approaching where she was hiding.

They ducked behind the small cement wall that housed the staircase that led to the rooftop; just off to the left of that was another large air conditioner, like the one that she was hiding behind. She fired four times before hiding behind the air conditioner once more as they began firing again.

Her phone buzzed and she reached into her pocket and saw it was John. She answered it. "You got some lousy timing in a simulation," she commented.

"Carter, I'm almost there," John said ignoring her.

"Be careful, some old guy is looking for you,"she admonished.

"It's Greer."

"Oh, the guy that hired Kara to strap you with a bomb vest, that Greer?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"Joss…"

Now her foes took on a whole new meaning before hanging up on John, checking to see if she had another clip and was grateful the machine had her carrying another one. She snapped the fresh one in and poked out, firing angrily. She got one in the knee but she didn't see Greer that she was looking for.

The door that led to the staircase burst open and John appeared with his gun drawn. "To your right!" she shouted.

John followed her direction as he turned and reached around the wall to grab the blond man and the two began fighting.

She got to her feet to run to help John but froze when she saw Greer holding her at gunpoint. He must have hidden behind the other large air conditioner on the other side, trying to get close to her.

"Drop your weapon, detective, I don't want to have to shoot you."

Joss angrily did as he said and held her hands up. Greer shifted his gaze off her and looked at John who had done away with the other goon and was holding Greer at gunpoint off to the right of them forming an odd triangle.

"Put the gun down, Greer."

He smiled. "I put the gun down, Mr. Reese, I lose my leverage. I suggest you be the one to put your gun down or her blood will be on your hands."

"If you so much as touch Carter I'll kill you," John vowed.

Joss kept watch that Greer was focused on John so she slowly moved her foot forward to draw her gun towards her while keeping her cold but professional gaze on Greer.

"Put your gun down now or I'll shoot her."

She prayed John took his time lowering his weapon because she was just moving the gun towards her. It was as if they were in sync because John slowly lowered his gun to the ground and straightened with his hands up. Joss had moved the gun towards her, eyes on Greer and his gun that was aimed towards her. She just needed to choose the right time to make her move.

"Let her go, Greer, she has nothing to do with this." John stated.

"Oh, I know. Detective Carter was a means to an end when I saw you two working together. Because your employer and friend is who I'm really after, and since you and Harold gotten in my way of obtaining the Samaritan software I needed to resort to Plan B to remake this world. Your choice John; you take me to your elusive employer Harold Finch or I kill Detective Carter right here and now." Greer commanded.

John remained still as he spoke; "Or I just throw you off the side of this building; bodies that fall for this height are messy but then I've never been one to care, not when Joss is the one at risk."

She forced her gaze to stay on Greer and not look at John. He sounded like he had threatened someone before over her. This was a simulation so was the machine using previous spoken words?

Greer smiled manically, "I suppose I'm dead either way, and there is one way to destroy Harold Finch..." he murmured before whipping his gun towards John.

"NO!" Joss screamed as she bent down to grab her gun just as Greer shot at John. She aimed her gun at Greer and shot him in center mass. He gasped as he collapsed to the ground, dropping the gun as his hands went to his wound. She ran to kick the gun from his reach before her wild gaze shifted off the dying Greer to John. "JOHN!" she cried in horror as he was on the ground too.

She raced to him. "John," she whispered as she dropped to her knees beside him. "Oh god," she whimpered as she helped roll him onto his back and saw the wound was in his upper chest. "I got you," she whispered as she pressed her hand against his wound trying to apply pressure to it.

Joss was frightened by the amount of blood soaking her hand already. "J-Joss…"

"Shhh, don't speak!" she begged. Joss helplessly grabbed at her phone to call for an ambulance, but it wouldn't matter he was bleeding out, his blood was flooding to the ground and saturating her clothes.

"I-I'm sorry for being a-afraid to go after w-what I wanted. I n-never told you I l-love…" he struggled to say but she watched as tears blurred her vision as his eyes closed.

"John, stay with me!" she commanded harshly but he barely got his eyes to open. "Don't do this to me, John, don't." she begged as her voice cracked, tears slipped and fell steadily. Joss lifted John's head into her lap and cradled him to her, refusing to let him die alone. She kissed his forehead. "I love you too." she whispered unevenly, he barely smiled at that, before he stilled in her arms, and she sobbed as she clutched him to her.

- **SUSPEND SIMULATION**

- **SIMULATION TERMINATED…**

Joss whipped the headset off her face as she reared up, tears flowing freely down her cheeks and a sob escaped her. "Are you alright, Carter?" Root asked in mild concern. How could she prove to John that she was changed if she accidentally broke his detective?

"He died." she whimpered as she buried her face in her hands and struggled to calm down. She lifted her head from her hands to pin Root with a hard stare. "He died in my arms." she growled as she got to her feet, reaching up into the brunette's ear and ripped the earwig from her ear, before the woman could even stop her, inserting it into hers. "How dare you! How dare you show me a simulation like that!" she snapped angrily, feeling her throat constrict. It was one of her worst fears.

"Probability. Five. Point. Four. Chance." Joss closed her eyes, not even bothering to be shocked by the sound of the machine in her ear.

"So if we wait to do something about our feelings; there is a 5.4 percent chance of something like _that_ happening." she whispered.

"Asset. Has. No. One. To. Live. For."

She swallowed hard as she opened her eyes as few more tears leaked out. She removed the earwig from her ear and handed it back to Root. "I don't know if I can see any more simulations," Joss said softly as she sat down on the chair, still shaken by what she saw. She could almost feel John's blood on her hands. "I have to call him," she mumbled.

"It was just a simulation, Carter," Root murmured.

"It was too real. Every time I close my eyes I can see him lifeless," she countered sadly as she tugged her cell phone out of her leather coat and hurriedly found John's name before clicking it. "Come on…pick up, please," she begged.

"Carter," he greeted hesitantly after a few rings.

Joss sagged in the chair in utter relief. "Oh thank god!"

"Are you alright?"

Joss smiled gently. "Fine, I just, I just had to call you." she admitted.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked in concern.

"I'm sure." she assured as she opened her eyes, as her heart started beating again. "I'm a little surprised you answered my call."

He was quiet for a several moments. "I will always answer your call, Carter."

"We need to talk about things," she whispered, keeping her gaze off the brunette who was clearly listening to her conversation. "Come over tonight," she requested softly.

"I'm not…"

"Come over tonight," she repeated.

"Alright, if I don't have a number," he agreed hesitantly.

"Promise?" she asked knowing John's word was his bond. If he promised then he would be there.

"I have to go, Carter," he said as he hung up.

Joss eyed her phone. "He didn't promise," she said to herself.

"Of course he didn't, Carter. He isn't going to come over your place to talk about things regardless if he has a number to work or not. And perhaps it's for the best until you figure out what you want to do first before you two kids talk," Root said.

The door to the safehouse burst open and Shaw entered. "I knew it, that you were up to something! And who knew it had to do with Carter!" Shaw announced loudly as she slammed the door closed behind her and locked up.

Joss stared at the smaller and angrier brunette. "Please tell me John isn't here with you." she pleaded. There was no way she could explain this.

"He's not," Shaw assured dryly as she flung her coat aside and stormed past them heading straight for the kitchen. She didn't reappear until she had a bag of Doritos and a bottle of beer. "So what the hell are you two doing?" she demanded before stuffing three Doritos into her mouth at once as she sat down on the couch, eyeing the laptop, the headset, and then around the room. "What?" she asked muffled.

* * *

AN: Don't kill me for that simulation! That is the only way a 'death' scene from me will ever happen by it being an illusion. Though there were some characters I wouldn't have minded seeing dead ;D

Also writing these simulations was interesting because I wanted them realistic yet with words or actions that the machine may or may not have gotten right or outright reused from previous conversations.

Thanks for reading!


	4. A Date with Destiny

_**AN: I wanted to post this chapter the day after the other because it's the rest of the simulations. I combined them all into this chapter because it felt like it was breaking up the flow of the story.  
**_

* * *

 **-EVALUATING REMAINING 9,999 OPTIONS…**

 **-ANALYSING POSSIBLE OPTIONS**

OPTION 6,014: 1.2%

OPTION 5,398: 3.1%

…

OPTION 4,975: 0.35%

 **-SELECTED – OPTION 5,398**

 **-SET SIMULATION**

 **-RUN SIMULATION…**

Joss opened her eyes and realized she was staring into a wall length mirror. Now that she was on her second simulation she was able to get her bearings a little easier, not to mention it was much easier since there wasn't a hail of bullets. She looked around her surroundings and realized she was in some public restroom. Joss looked down and saw she was wearing a clingy navy blue dress, and slinky and sexy red heels. She exited the bathroom and looked around before seeing John sitting alone, before he smiled slightly when he saw her exit.

Joss wished she had remembered to check her hair before coming out. It seemed like they were on a date. She headed for the small table he was sitting at and blinked in surprise that she recognized the restaurant they were in. It was the pricey Italian restaurant that had amazing food and wonderful service. He had good taste in restaurants.

"Hey, sorry I took so—" she began but John interrupted.

"I didn't know you were here on a date too." he said with surprise in his low sexy voice.

Joss froze. "Uh..."

"Honey over here!" Joss blinked when a male voice she recognized but she couldn't place called to her. She followed the voice and saw Ian Murphy waving his hand at her and had a look of ire on his handsome face. Joss woefully realized that they were an item and John was here waiting for someone else.

"Hope you have a nice evening, John," she said flustered before she stormed past him and over to the booth where Ian was sitting and waiting for her. She slid in and got an eagle's eye view of John and whatever twit was going to be his 'date'. "What's going on?" she demanded.

"Darling, are you alright?" he asked in concern. "You were gone for quite a while."

"I'm fine!"

"I thought you were having second thoughts about this _idea_ you had," Ian admitted.

"My idea for what?" she asked, not in the mood to have a simulated mysterious Ian on her hands.

"Your friend, John, is apparently on his first date and you wanted to head to the same restaurant to make sure things went 'smoothly' for him," Ian said with irritation.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said incredulous.

"That's what I said. But I agreed because I know how much you care about him and if he's attached to another woman than I won't have to worry about him trying to steal you away from me," Ian murmured.

She eyed him. "So it's a constant worry you have?" she asked, interested now.

"Yes. I see the way he looks at you even though you don't see it. You just keep telling me you two are just friends," he complained.

Joss nodded and watched as a woman she recognized move towards John. "Oh come on, seriously, her!" Joss growled under her breath as Iris Campbell, her precinct's psych consultant sat down across from John with her pretty red hair flowing over her shoulders. "They have literally nothing in common!" What would a psych consultant and vigilante have in common besides being human?

Ian glanced at the woman. "What's wrong with her?—she's pretty. She has characteristics of the woman he loved and lost; you said she was intelligent, nice, and wouldn't let Reese shut her out. She'd just bulldoze through his issues."

"I said that!—what do I know?" she said petulantly. Great, so the machine had run through public records and found Iris Campbell's profile and thought that John and she could be a match because of similar characteristics to Jessica? She was beginning to dislike this machine, because Joss was like the antithesis of Jessica; she didn't need or want to be coddled or taken care of, so how was she ever going to compete with women that were fragile and in need of John's protection?

For the rest of the dinner she spent it half-heartedly listening to Ian while keeping her gaze on John and Iris. She felt her jealousy grow throughout the dinner. It started small because Iris got to be on a date with John and not her. Then the seed grew when she watched Iris laugh at something he said, and then it grew larger when he laughed next, and it reached new heights when she watched the pair get to their feet and he rested his large palm on her small of her back.

"I'll be right back," she said as she got to her feet.

"Honey, I was in the middle of proposing!" Ian cried.

Joss didn't bother stopping as she rushed outside, grateful this simulation was taking place during summer, following the pair as they walked hand in hand down the sidewalk. She made a face of disgust at that. This simulated John wasn't acting at all like how she envisioned John to be. He would be affectionate in private but not outdoors. The machine had some tweaking it needed to do with its simulations.

She hurried to get closer so she could overhear the pair talking but when it wasn't working she resorted to tug her phone out and prayed simulated Joss still had the software to force-pair with phones that Finch gave her. Joss smirked in success that the machine had it there.

She force paired with Iris's phone and turned the microphone on.

" _Dinner was nice," Iris murmured._

" _Yea,"_

" _So John, may I ask?—was this your first date in a while?" she inquired._

Joss rolled her eyes. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see that?!

" _Was it that obvious?" he wondered softly._

Joss nearly shouted 'yes' for Iris.

" _Kind of,"_

Joss snorted.

" _I'm just thankful you agreed to go out with me. It's not often I meet a man like you; strong, sexy, intelligent, and so shy."_

" _I'm glad I said yes," he mumbled._

" _I should thank Detective Carter for meeting you; if she hadn't been so hurried to get rid of you, we would never have run into each other."_

Forget dislike, Joss hated the machine. So not only was the machine basing Iris and John off John's past love with Jessica, but simulated her was the one that practically set the pair up! Joss stopped moving when they did and watched in dismay as Iris grabbed John's lapels and tugged him down for a kiss.

"Oh gross!" she muttered under her breath.

Joss made a disgusted face as she watched them kiss, watched as John responded to the kiss. She closed her eyes, having seen enough. It was like watching John kiss a fish!

"Machine, end this simulation, please." she whispered and when she reopened her eyes she realized she was still in it. Joss looked down at her red heels. She closed her eyes once more and clicked them together three times. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home…" she said and reopened her eyes again and exhaled. "Worked for Dorothy," she complained quietly.

Joss looked elsewhere while the pair kissed before John pulled back. _"I'll walk you home," he murmured._

 _Iris smiled as she giggled. "Such the gentleman,"_

Joss watched them turn to leave and she was left standing alone.

- **SUSPEND SIMULATION**

- **SIMULATION TERMINATED…**

Joss removed the virtual headset once again, but this time instead of being upset to the point of tears; she was annoyed. Shaw and Root were sitting eating the Doritos and watching her with fascination. "It's freaky watching someone wearing a virtual reality headset," Shaw admitted.

Joss didn't bother paying Shaw any attention. "Root, ask the machine what percentage that simulation has of actually happening." she demanded tersely, getting to her feet and snatching the bag of Doritos out of Shaw's hand. She needed chocolate but these would have to do.

"HEY!" Shaw growled. Joss fixed her with a 'don't fuck with me' look that the woman understood. Shaw stood up aggravated. "Sure, have them, I was finished anyways. I saw some bags of Chex Mix." She rubbed her hands together greedily as she headed for the kitchen.

Root smirked. "SHE says that it has a 3.1 percent chance of happening."

Joss scoffed. "There is a 3.1 percent chance of John moving onto another woman," she snapped.

Shaw comically made a circle as she headed straight back for them, interested now. "Whoa, in the simulation Reese was banging some other chick?" she demanded.

"No! Worse! They were on a date; and so was I at the same fancy smancy restaurant but with Ian Murphy. I felt like some creepy ass stalker when I left to follow John to witness them kissing, seriously kissing."

"Wait, so you walked out on your date?" Shaw demanded.

Joss winced that she had. Even when the date was god awful she never just left them sitting there before. But it didn't matter anyways it wasn't real. "Why wasn't it Zoe he was with?" she groused in irritation as she munched on more Doritos. Zoe she could handle but Iris, sweet and fragile Iris Campbell...

"And why would that make you feel any better Carter?" Root asked confused.

Shaw smirked. "Because she knows it would go nowhere. Reese and Zoe are purely physical with zero emotional ties to each other, while this mystery chick in the simulation made Carter jealous."

Joss glared at Shaw. "You know I don't remember inviting you to stay through these simulations. In fact you just invited yourself," she recalled.

Shaw shrugged. "There's no number, so I'm bored. And Root was being sneaky and I wanted to know what the hell the parasite was up too."

Joss sighed inwardly. Just as she figured there was no new number and John was going to blow her off tonight because of what happened last night.

Root smiled adoringly. "You have such a way with words, and the loveliest pet names, Sameen."

Shaw made a face before hightailing it for the kitchen. Joss shifted her annoyed gaze onto Root. "So first I get to see John die and now I get to see John kissing my precinct's psych consultant that I helped him meet. So far these simulations suck!" Joss complained irritably, flinging the finished bag of Doritos on the coffee table between them.

"SHE says that the simulation could happen because John is never going to make a move on you unless you make the move first, and in this simulation you never do, and Iris does," Root explained. "SHE ran characteristics that matched between you and Jessica and compiled them together, and Iris was the closest match with a few of each of your traits."

"I don't need a simulation to know that if anything is to happen between us that I have to be the one that makes the first move, Root," Joss murmured as she leaned head back against the sofa chair, feeling a little better that the machine had included her in trying to choose a woman that would make her green with envy. Not much but a little. "I think I'm done with these simulations," she admitted, throwing in the towel. They hadn't done much except upset and anger her. She should just go find John and tell him that she wanted him and go from there.

"Why?—have you seen enough to know what you are going to do?"

"I haven't seen a single simulation of what would happen if John and I choose to do something about our feelings," she retorted.

Root eyed her. "Won't you at least try one more, Carter? SHE promises it will show you what might be if you do choose to be more than friends." she murmured as she held out the headset just as Shaw reentered the room carrying three bags of Chex Mix.

Joss stared at her outstretched arm and snatched the headset unable to resist finally seeing one of them choosing to be together. It's what she wanted all along.

* * *

 **-EVALUATING REMAINING 9,998 OPTIONS…**

 **-ANALYSING POSSIBLE OPTIONS**

OPTION 3,736: 2.1%

OPTION 3,103: 0.85%

…

OPTION 2,649: 8.6%

 **-SELECTED – OPTION 2,649**

 **-SET SIMULATION**

 **-RUN SIMULATION…**

Joss opened her eyes ready for any kind of simulation and gasped as she came face to face with John; his lips were close to hers and his normally luminous blue eyes were dark and boring into hers. She quickly realized they were locked in an embrace standing near French doors that led out to a balcony and there was a beautiful sight of water. But John was beautiful in his own right and held her attention.

"Joss," he purred which sent shivers up and down her spine at the sensual promise it held. He leaned down to nuzzle her neck with his nose as he cupped her face in his large hands. They held her so gently. He proceeded to nibble her jawline teasingly which sent zing after zing straight to her core; Joss felt her knees grow weak as she moaned. She didn't know what she expected to find in this simulation but this wasn't it.

"Oh god," she moaned more to herself as his tongue swirled across her skin. This was more like it, machine! She was definitely not in Kansas anymore. She almost groaned as she seriously needed to stop with _The_ _Wizard of Oz_ references which wouldn't be so difficult doing since John's tongue was doing delicious things. Joss wondered how much porn the machine watched to drum up this all too real experience.

He smiled against her skin. "I want to make love to my wife," he purred as he kissed below her ear before rimming the shell with his tongue.

Joss snapped out of the sexual stupor she slid into when he called her his 'wife' as she tugged herself from his embrace. "What?—we're married!" she asked out loud as she tried to avoid staring at John and his rather impressive bulge in black boxer-briefs. She knew John looked amazing in his black Hugo Boss suit but nothing compared to just black boxer-briefs. John wearing any more clothes should just be outlawed. "God, you look like a damn underwear model!" she moaned.

He smiled as he approached her and she took a few steps back because she needed to understand where they stood in this simulation. "We're married-married; like for real and not for a number?" she asked.

His smile grew larger. "I know; it's going to take some getting used to. It's almost like it's too good to be true," he murmured.

"You still didn't answer my question!" she huffed.

"We're married for real Joss, for about eight hours now; so you're stuck with me," he purred. "I've waited all my life to find someone like you,"

Joss felt herself soften at that admission before she snapped herself out of it and kept backpedaling to keep from within his reach. She had some questions that needed to be answered. Joss sneaked a peek down to see what she was wearing and saw it was a soft white robe. She peeked under it and squeaked. She was wearing skimpy lingerie.

He grinned. "Let me see, you were secretive entering the bathroom and came out in this concealing robe," he murmured as he reached for her.

She quickly took a step back. "Not yet," she said trying to strike a teasing tone. "First let's play a little game," she added, trying to divert him just long enough to learn little things about their life thus far in this simulated version of them.

His grin widened. "Do I get to handcuff you this time?" he wondered.

"Wh-what?—I handcuffed you?" she asked incredulous.

He smirked. "We played cops and robbers; of course I chose robber."

"You would, but that's a child's game!"

Joss swallowed hard at the wetness that escaped her at the look on his face. "Not how we played it," he assured her.

"I'm guessing the machine looked up sex games," she muttered to herself. "Actually I wanted to play a trivia type game; I'll be the host and you are the player." she said to him.

He frowned. "But…"

"Just play along please," she asked. John stared at her and nodded as he sat down on the edge of the bed and she stood in front of him. "Okay first question; how long have you and I been together?" she asked.

He narrowed his eyes on her as if he wasn't sure they were playing a game or not. "Three years," he answered slowly.

"Three years?" she repeated stupidly.

"Yea, neither you nor I wanted to get married; we were content just being together for the rest of our lives," he admitted.

"What changed?" she wondered.

"We posed as a married couple for a number and we both secretly loved it. I proposed which you turned down at first."

"I turned you down!" she said incredulous. Joss had to speak to the machine about its simulated version of her because turning down John was just plain stupid.

He laughed. "You sound like you don't remember."

"Playing a game, remember," she said quickly.

"Joss, you were scared; you said you failed at marriage and what we had bonded us in a way that was far deeper than any legal contract could ever do."

"So how did you change my mind?" she asked.

He looked away. "Joss," he sighed and she wondered if something had happened that he didn't want to re-hash.

"Answer the question and I'll flash you," she replied.

He looked at her and smiled slightly. "I almost died saving a number and you agreed to marry me when I woke up from my coma."

Joss gasped but remembered she promised a flashing. John sighed and then groaned when the robe closed again. "Joss, game's over; I want to make love to my wife," he cajoled before surging up from the bed to kiss her hotly.

She moaned knowing she couldn't placate him long with the lame game as she was lifted and set on to the bed. He cupped her face with his hands and she was only human as she reached down between them, resting her hand on his manhood. He groaned in her mouth and as she leaned back to lie on the bed and he climbed on top of her. She slowly became aware of the fact that he undid the robe.

He broke free of the kiss to stare down at the red lace lingerie she was wearing. "Crotchless," he moaned hoarsely.

She shuddered as she wanted this no matter if this was real or not. "Please, make love to me, John," she begged. She wanted to feel him fill her. Feel him inside her, deep and stretching and rubbing every single part of her. She wanted to hold him there and make love to him. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes.

Their clothing was removed and Joss parted her legs and he positioned himself between them. He stared deeply into her eyes. "I love you Joss," he whispered raggedly.

"I love you too John," she moaned as he had yet to bury himself inside her and she needed it more than her next breath.

- **SUSPEND SIMULATION**

- **SIMULATION TERMINATED…**

Joss gasped as she pushed the headset up and came face to face with duo smirking gazes. "So I'm taking from your moaning that this simulation was better?" Shaw said dryly.

"Judging by the flush cheeks, hard nipples, and moaning of John's name that she did; I'd say Carter got to take a ride on the big lug's big lug," Root said teasingly.

Joss hopped to her feet with her legs feeling rubbery and her pussy ached. She tried to ignore the wolfish grin she was receiving from Shaw. "So how was virtual Reese?—is he an animal in the sack?" she demanded. She didn't stay here to not get the gory details.

"I wouldn't know since the machine cut me out of the simulation before it got to the really good part," she commented, supremely miffed herself that she hadn't gotten to see the whole show. It was like reading a book and having the ending torn out. An ending she really wanted to know!

"Wait, are you saying the machine cock-blocked you?!" Shaw stated, incredulous before glaring at Root. "What the hell is with that?"

Root shrugged her shoulders. "SHE doesn't tell me everything; your guess is as good as mine as to why SHE stopped it."

Joss waved her off. "Doesn't matter anyway, we were married in that simulation and on our honeymoon," she explained as she absently ran her hand over her left ring finger that was barren.

"Yea you were," Shaw snickered.

Joss looked to Root. "So ask the machine; does it really think John and I would play that many sex games?" she demanded.

Shaw grinned widely. "Now this is why I stayed. What games did you and Reese play?"

"Not telling," she retorted.

"SHE says statistics say that if you have a healthy sexual relationship than you'll have a happy and healthy marriage," Root explained with a crooked grin.

Joss softly shook her head. "Can you ask the machine what percentage that has of happening?" she demanded.

Root smiled. "SHE says it has an 8.6% chance of happening."

Joss paced back and forth as she tried to let her body calm down. That had the highest percentage yet. While these simulations were calculated by data and didn't mean they'd actually happen; the one she just witnessed was the most accurate of what she suspected life with John would be like. Falling in love, letting their connection they felt grow into the strongest bond they ever known.

"Carter?" Joss looked at Root who spoke. "SHE is wondering if SHE helped at all."

Joss smiled slightly. "Tell the machine it did. These simulations gave me a new perspective and told me one specific thing," she murmured.

"What?"

"That life is unpredictable; just as the machine could only simulate what could happen, it doesn't necessarily mean it will happen. Not going for what we really want because it might not work out is pretty much the same thing. It doesn't necessarily mean it will happen. John and I could be together forever happily and we're letting our pasts get in the way of our future," she confessed.

Root grinned. "See? This is why we chose to come to you about the simulations than John. That and the fact that SHE knows that if SHE showed John a simulation of loving you and never getting to experience it for real it would crush him."

"That's because John's got a tough exterior that hides a vulnerable heart," Joss whispered. And so help her if these two brunettes made jokes about that than she was going to kick their asses.

Root nodded. "All John ever wanted all his life was to be loved."

Joss swallowed hard. "What are you trying to do?—make me cry!" she snapped.

"What are you gonna do, Carter?" Shaw asked, uncharacteristically not making jokes.

Joss resumed her restless pacing. Oh, she knew exactly what she was gonna do but she wasn't going to tell either brunette or some super computer. Not until she talked to John first. "I don't know." she lied through her teeth. "But even if I wanted to have a sit down with John; he's going to avoid me."

"Why?" Shaw asked.

"Sweetie, let's let the detective have a little privacy," Root tried.

Shaw snorted. "As if any of us can have a little privacy with an all seeing artificial intelligence watching and listening to our every move."

"You just need to know that John is avoiding me for the time being," Joss responded dryly.

"I could help," Shaw offered.

"How?—annoy him to death? Or threaten to shoot him?" Joss wondered. And she wasn't going to tell Shaw but her money would be on John.

Shaw rolled her eyes. "That doesn't work. But I'll invite him to dinner and you can tag along." she suggested.

Joss brightened; finally a good idea. "That's not a bad idea, Shaw. You call him to dinner and I show up instead," she murmured.

"Whoa, I meant you could tag along with me and Reese," Shaw clarified.

"Or you stay home and not be a third wheel," Joss countered.

"But then I don't get dinner!"

Root grinned. "I could take you to dinner," she proposed.

"I think I'd rather starve!" Shaw deadpanned.

Joss felt kind of bad for Root. She was trying so hard and was getting nowhere. "How about this, Shaw?—you call John and get him to meet you for dinner and let me go instead; I'll buy you dinner next week and drinks are on me the next time we go out," she offered.

"Deal!" Shaw greedily accepted before tugging out her cell phone. "I know the perfect steakhouse…"

"No steakhouse!"

Shaw looked her way. "Reese will get suspicious if I don't invite him to a steakhouse."

"I don't care. Get him to go someplace that isn't a steakhouse," Joss stipulated.

"You better be buying me a prime rib," she grumbled as she called Reese.

Joss shook her head and eyed Root, who was watching Shaw. "Is that phone number you gave me earlier truly how I can get a hold of you?" she asked and Root looked at her.

"Yes, why, am I invited to drinks?" she asked hopeful.

Joss sighed. "You could be. But I'll call you when I buy that steak dinner for Shaw and you can tag along too," she said knowing that she couldn't bail on it or Shaw would piss and moan, and she'd never hear the end of it. But she kind of felt bad for Root; she was crushing hard on Shaw and she had kind of helped her with John.

Root tried to hide a real genuine smile and excitement. "I'd like that," she said softly. "SHE's right; you are perfect for John."

"Why, because I let you come to dinner with me and Shaw?"

"No, because you give people second chances," Root said simply.

"Well don't get too excited; the jury's still out. I'm still not convinced I can trust you. But I also don't think you're a threat," Joss said.

"I'll take it…for now."

Shaw came back from the kitchen. "I hope you like Chinese," she commented dryly.

Joss smiled. "I do, but how did you get John to buy that you wanted Chinese and not steak?" she asked, curious at the fancy footwork her friend did.

"I didn't, I let him choose. He was a little suspicious but not suspicious enough to not take the offer up."

"Where at?" she asked.

"Red Farm,"

She smiled. She had been there once or twice. It was off of on the south side of Central Park. It was casual but intimate. It would be perfect.

Joss looked at the brunettes. "Thanks, both of you, and tell the machine thanks too," she murmured.

Shaw shrugged and Root nodded. With that Joss turned, scooping her coat with her and headed for the door. She had some things she wanted to do before she headed for the restaurant to catch John off guard.

* * *

AN: I know an Iris sighting but I didn't feel like trying to create my own character that would be around for only a few seconds in this story. Anyways now the real fun will begin :)

Thanks for reading!


	5. Well Intentioned Meddling

_**AN: Almost forgot to post this because of being busy with new furniture being delivered and rearranging my place! Do you think my dog would help me...no, he just laid his lazy butt on the sofa that I was trying to move. Anyways hope you guys enjoy!**_

* * *

John hung up his cell phone still a tad suspicious as to why Shaw, of all people, allowed him to choose the restaurant. Harold looked up from his computer. "What's the matter, Mr. Reese?" he asked, noting the look on his face.

John shook off the feeling as he threw the tennis ball for Bear to race after. "Shaw wants dinner and is letting _me_ choose the restaurant for once."

"Perhaps Ms. Shaw has finally realized that you can only have steak so often," Finch murmured which had John scoffing. "Alright, perhaps she just wants to be gracious and allow you to choose the restaurant."

"Or she wants something," John countered. Finch made a sound of agreement. "Do you want to come?" he asked.

Finch shook his head. "Thank you for the offer, John, but no thank you. I have other plans for the evening," he murmured. As he was still posing as Harold Wren he needed to wine and dine some fellow business acquaintances.

John nodded and just threw the tennis ball for Bear again, allowing Harold to watch his friend. He had heard everything that was said between Mr. Reese and the detective in the morgue. He had been debating about whether or not to say a word. But he was afraid if he didn't then Mr. Reese was going to let Detective Carter slip through his fingers. Finch still felt immense guilt over being the reason why John never was able to save Jessica. If he could help John tell Jocelyn how he felt, to have a second chance at love; then maybe he could absolve some of the guilt he was harboring, and perhaps both he and John could heal over the mistakes of their pasts.

"John," he murmured gently.

He looked at Finch when he used his first name. Bear rushed back to him and waited for him to throw the tennis ball again, which he did. "What is it Finch?"

Finch frowned when he needed to choose the right words to say as this was a complicated situation. Mr. Reese's ideology about himself was the source of conflict for both Detective Carter and himself with John. The fact that John viewed his life expendable to the mission angered him. When he brought John into this; risks were a given but not recklessly throw himself in the line of fire, because he believed value was elsewhere than himself. John once said Jocelyn was someone the world needed but he didn't take into account that he, himself, was one of those people as well. And John most certainly would let his chance to be with Joss slide on by him if he thought it was in the best interests of Jocelyn.

John cocked a brow when Finch still hadn't said anything and looked deep in thought. "Harold?" he prodded which seemed to break his friend from his thoughts.

"As you know Mr. Reese; I'm always listening."

John nodded and Bear grew tired of fetch and carried the tennis ball into his doggie bed and lied down. John moved close to where Finch sat near the computers. "Yea," he agreed, still unsure what was bothering Finch.

"John, I overheard you. I overheard you and Jocelyn in the morgue," he explained choppily. "It wasn't my intention to listen in on you both, especially since it was something deeply personal between the two of you and I was going to mute you."

"But you didn't." John stated harshly.

Finch winced internally seeing the anger in John's intense blue eyes before the emotion was veiled. John was too good at veiling and hiding his feelings; it was why he was intervening on his behalf.

"Mr. Reese, you need to tell her how you feel," Finch said simply.

"Since there is no number and Shaw called for dinner; I think I'm heading out to get a drink before-hand," he murmured, not responding to him as he turned to walk away.

"John, you let love slip through your fingers once, please don't make the same mistake twice!" Harold called out, risking Mr. Reese's anger. It needed to be said and if John didn't want to hear it…well, then too bad.

His friend stopped walking away and slowly turned around with an unreadable expression on his face. "Harold…" his tone held a hint of a warning.

Finch interrupted, "You keep your feelings to yourself in a way I have never seen before, Mr. Reese, and I thought I was a private person. But there has been this distance that you keep between yourself and from everyone else; everyone that is except for Detective Carter. It's been there from the beginning, John, this connection you have with her," Finch said gently. At first he didn't understand it. But as they worked together and as he grew to know the detective better, who he hadn't shown the same level of trust Mr. Reese had, he understood it. Jocelyn was kind, caring, but also hard-nosed and tough so things didn't sway her. John respected that; respected her. Jocelyn's kindness and caring nature had called to Mr. Reese's damaged soul.

John looked away. "Finch, it doesn't matter."

"I disagree and I believe the detective would too," Harold countered. "John, at some point whether it was conscious or not; you opened yourself up to her," and he wasn't going to say how huge that was for Mr. Reese. He suspected John knew the magnitude of the development. John had opened the door for Jocelyn, now he needed to let her walk through it. "Perhaps you should let her in."

John kept his gaze down. "What would be the point, Finch?—my life is solitary." he stated, nearly adding pointless but had a feeling Harold would react negatively at that.

"It doesn't have to be," Harold murmured. John's gaze lifted to meet his. "I've come to terms that I will get to grow old with the woman I love from afar due to the choices that I've made. But you have a chance to be with Jocelyn. John you have a chance at love again. Don't make the same mistake you did when you walked away from Jessica."

John eyed him before turning and walked away with rigidness. Harold sat down and prayed he didn't just make matters worse.

* * *

Joss was pathetic because after she realized that Shaw had gotten John to go to a restaurant and that she was would be going to it instead; she had gone out to the nearest department store to find a sexy new dress and new heels. And she found them nearly immediately. It cost a pretty penny but they were too beautiful to not get. The sales girl agreed.

It had black floral lace covering a nude fit and flare dress that reached her mid thighs and had a halter neckline with a low-cut back. She was worried she over did it with the black stiletto high heels that were lace up that she wrapped around the strap-strings up her ankle to her lower shin and tied there. She felt sexy and like she was going on a date; but John being John, he'd be wearing his black suit so she wouldn't be overdressed.

Joss did one final check on her hair and makeup while waiting for Shaw's text for her cue to go in. But her cell phone rang instead. She frowned as she tugged her phone out of the small clutch and saw it was Shaw.

She answered instantly. "Is he here?"

"Actually that's why I'm calling, Carter. He called and cancelled. He sounded in 'brood' mode," Shaw complained in contempt.

"Did he say where he was?" Joss asked, feeling immense disappointment.

"No. And he found my tracker and bug on him so I don't even know his whereabouts. I asked Finch but he said Reese's phone is off so we can't track him that way."

"What the hell happened?—Root didn't tell Finch or John about the simulations did she?" she questioned.

"Not that I know of; though come to think of Finch was a little jumpy when I asked him what was up with Reese. I think Finch knows more than what he claims. Maybe Reese and Finch had words," Shaw said dryly. Joss leaned her head back against the headrest heavily. Great, now not only was he avoiding her but everyone else too. She didn't know what 'words' Finch and John could have had but this was the last thing she needed. "I'll find him and then I'll bind and gag him to eat dinner with you, Carter," Shaw offered.

Joss snorted. "Yea, perfect first date; date by kidnapping. But thanks for trying Shaw, I have to go," she said gently, not in the mood to talk. She hung up on her friend and knew Shaw was picturing ways of skinning John alive for costing her a steak dinner. But she wasn't going to renege on the deal since it wasn't Shaw's fault that John was a no-show. It was Finch's! She had a half a mind to call him up and ask what they had words about but knew she'd get nowhere fast. The man took paranoia and privacy to new meanings.

Joss dejectedly turned her car back on and pulled away from the curb. She tried to keep her spirits up that John wouldn't just bail on his purpose, or just leave without saying goodbye, so she'd see him again but she still felt disappointed. Joss had stupidly felt excited about tonight.

She was starving as she drove home and pictured her freezer full of ice cream that she was going to fill up on. She pulled up in front of her brownstone and trudged, with slumped shoulders, up to her door and entered. She flung her keys and clutch on the table near the door, sliding the door shut behind her and locked up. She tugged her wool coat off and moved from the foyer to pause on the threshold of her living room.

Taylor looked up and grimaced. "I take the first date didn't go well," he muttered. Mr. Badass and his mom were so into each other that he was sure it would have been wonderful.

"It could have gone better...if he showed up," she admitted wryly.

Taylor's face scrunched up into an angry scowl. "John stood you up!"

Joss smiled as she sat down beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Don't be mad at John. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know he was going to go on a date with me tonight," she reminded him.

Taylor's anger deflated. That was true. When his mom told him what was going on and where she was going tonight, he had thought it was the perfect plan. John wouldn't know what hit him, and his mom could work her magic on him. But he hadn't thought about what if John didn't show up because he had no clue he was having dinner with mom.

"What happened?" he asked.

Joss shrugged. "Apparently John and Finch had words," she muttered.

Taylor sighed. "And trying to get that guy to talk is harder than getting Mr. Badass to," he sighed as he reached out to grab her hand. "I'll cancel going to the movies with my friends to hang out with you," he offered.

Joss leaned her head up and glared at him. "No. Go to the movies, baby. I'm fine. I was thinking of changing into some jeans and a t-shirt and go in search for John. There are some places he might go that he thinks no one would look for him there," she admitted. First she'd go check out Lyric Diner, the man had to eat somewhere sometime and that was where their 'whatever-this-is' started. Well maybe her search could begin after she got a quick bite to eat. As much as she wanted to chow down on ice cream, going in search of John held more appeal and she needed more in her stomach than ice cream.

"I'm sure if anyone can find him it would be you," Taylor agreed as he kissed her cheek and climbed to his feet. "I might stay over Dean's place or dad's tonight."

She nodded as she got up too. "Just text me your plans," she instructed as she followed her boy to the foyer. Her boy was nearly in college, he split time with her and Paul now, and she was trying to get used to it. "I love you baby."

"I love you too mom. I'll lock up."

"Thanks, now I gotta go change into something a little more comfortable." she murmured as she turned and headed up the stairs. Because she had a sexy man in a suit to go find so they could have a much overdue conversation.

* * *

AN: Bet you guys thought they'd meet up, eh?-well my muse was kind of fickle with this story. But I have always loved the mother/son relationship between Joss and Taylor. So of course I had to include him a little in this too.

Thanks for reading!


	6. Paths Lead Nowhere Except to You

John walked alone without a particular destination in mind. The cold late November air helped clear his mind. It calmed him. What Finch said had swirled in his mind for the better part of an hour, cancelling on Shaw would come back to haunt him later but he turned his phone off and discarded the bug he found on him so he could be left alone to think.

And he did but came no closer to a conclusion as to what to do.

He wanted Joss, god did he want her with every part of his being. Wanted to kiss her, make love to her, and hold her and never let her go. Joss was taking his heart piece by piece and almost, as if, by magic, mending it. It frightened him to need someone as much as he needed Joss.

" _John, at some point whether it was conscious or not; you opened yourself up to her,"_

John swallowed hard because Finch was right; at some point he had opened himself up to Joss. But could he handle loving Joss and then possibly losing her? Or should he just let what he truly desired go and force contentment with friendship. As he thought he walked aimlessly down the street. The calm walking instilled deep inside him waned as he angrily tried to ignore the intense longing that threatened to choke him. Love wasn't meant for people like him. He was a mere soldier destined to save others so they could go home to their loved ones, live out their happily ever after, not get his own. He came to terms with his fate a long time or at least so he thought so until Carter entered his life.

He stopped mid-stride as he realized where he was. It was the alleyway where he saved Joss from her C.I.; John slowly entered and moved unhurriedly to about where she had lied. He barely aimed for the shoulder of the man towering over about to shoot her in the head. The old him; the one before meeting Joss Carter, would have gone for the headshot but he knew she wouldn't have wanted that. No, Joss was a far better woman than anyone he ever met. Instead he had winged the man but enough to incapacitate him so he could do no harm to her.

John stared down at the pavement and tried to formulate a reason as to why he was here right now. What led him here?—here of all places? But he had no answer. Just as he had no answer as to what he wanted to do about the state of his relationship with Carter; being on the precipice of friends or more as they teetered back and forth left him feeling unsteady. Oh he knew she was going to think he was avoiding her but he wasn't. He just didn't know what to say or do. And he didn't trust himself to be alone with her at her place to talk.

But she kissed him back. She got caught up in the moment as he much as he had and had been undoing his shirt. So that meant it wasn't solely one-sided didn't it? Should he listen to Finch?—last time he hadn't chosen with heart and it still ended in loss.

John wasn't consciously aware of the fact that he was turning his phone on and calling Joss until the phone was already ringing.

She answered on the first ring. "Hey you," she greeted softly.

"Hey," he responded awkwardly. Now that he called her; he had to figure out what he was going to say. She was going to want answers.

"Shaw told me you cancelled dinner with her."

He sighed. "I didn't think she'd care that I cancelled on her since it wasn't at a steakhouse." he muttered.

"She didn't. But she knew I would." Joss admitted.

"Why would you care if I cancelled dinner with Shaw or not?" he wondered.

She chuckled softly. "I wouldn't if it was dinner for you and Shaw. But I was going in place of her." she explained.

John closed his eyes as he half-laughed. "Now it makes sense why she let me choose the restaurant." he murmured with a shake of his head. He should have known.

"I had to get creative so you wouldn't know to avoid me." she chided but without any anger in her voice.

"I wasn't avoiding you," he argued gently. She scoffed. "I wasn't, I just needed time to think…alone." he responded trying to explain himself. John knew it wasn't adequate but it was the best answer he could give her.

Joss was quiet for a few moments. "Are you through thinking alone?" she asked. He looked up when she sounded awfully close. John stared as Joss stood in the mouth of the alleyway. She smiled as she waved a little bit. "So are you?—I could take a walk around the block if you're not." she offered over the phone.

"Yes,"

Joss nodded as she slowly entered the alleyway and hung up the phone sliding it into her leather coat's pocket. Her hair was down blowing from the slight breeze and she walked over to him with measured steps. John stared as Carter had to be the most beautiful woman ever that left him speechless time and time again.

As she drew near he finally found his voice, "I thought I found all of Shaw's bugs on me." he commented when words defied him. He always got tongue-tied around her.

She smiled. "You did, which irritated her so don't be surprised if you find more on you sooner rather than later. But I was out looking for you and something drew me here, to this place," she admitted as she stopped in front of him. Joss searched his gaze. "And probably is the same something that drew you here too, John."

"Carter…"

"Come to my place so we can talk about what is going on with us. It's cold and it's too wide open to talk about personal matters." Joss cajoled. "Remember you and Finch are private people."

This had to be a sign. They both were led to this same exact spot for a reason. Joss always wished to believe in soulmates, fairy tales, and happily ever afters even with all the ugliness she was exposed to on a daily basis. It was fun to dream. Her dreams were shattered when Paul wasn't the love of her life, her soul-mate. And she met so many wolves she doubted there were dashing princes. Not that she needed a knight in shining armor. She'd shove the damn guy out of the way and show him how to slay a dragon. And happily ever afters…how could she believe in those, when she had made one too many of those late night visits to parents that lost a son or daughter too early, giving them the only condolence she could that she'd catch their killer if it was the last thing she did.

Nope fairy tales, soul-mates, and happily ever afters belong in fiction. But maybe there was real world magic…like chemistry between two people that burned bright and was fruitless to deny or fight against. Her connection with John was strong like two magnets and they seemingly found each other…maybe she'd have to rethink her skepticism about soulmates.

Joss blinked out her thoughts as she realized John was shifting awkwardly clearly catching her in her thoughts. "I'm sorry what did you say, John?" she asked.

"I said; I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Carter." he murmured.

"What coming over to my place or us?" she questioned.

"Both,"

Joss nodded. "Why because of your past?" she wondered, trying to gauge what was holding him back. It wasn't as if he could claim he didn't want her.

"I've done things that I'm not proud of."

"Haven't we all," she retorted dryly as she folded her arms across her chest. "I've lied to my friends and to myself for a while now that I'm only friends with this guy; when all day and all night I imagine doing things to him that would make even Shaw blush."

"Joss…"

She sighed as he wouldn't let it go. "John, you're a good man and that's all I will ever see in you. Nothing you say about your past is going to make me believe any less of you. The man that did those things is not the man that is standing right in front of me." she stated firmly.

"You don't know everything."

"No, I don't. But you'll be telling me. I got my ways." she teased as she wiggled her brows. "Are you forgetting?—I'm an interrogator and you'll be telling me _all_ your secrets."

John frowned as he shook his head. "This isn't a joke, Joss." he said gruffly.

She sobered up. "I know that. Do you really think that I wouldn't treat you opening up to me and showing me a part of yourself that you don't show with anyone else, with respect that it would deserve?" she wondered as she stepped toward him. There was something in his eyes, as if, she had just cracked him wide open, and exposed him.

Joss drew closer to him. "John, I know how difficult opening up is for you and I would never take the fact that you chose to, with me, for granted. And we'll go at your pace but just know, up front, I want to know it all. It's only fair since you know everything there is to know about me." she added.

"I don't deserve you."

She smiled a little. "We don't quite see eye to eye on that particular subject but I don't want to argue with you. What I want is to get you to agree to come home with me and talk this out and figure out what we are going to do about it. We aren't just friends. If we were that second kiss wouldn't have happened. And I wouldn't had been so turned on by it." she confessed. He looked up at into her eyes in surprise. The hint of vulnerability evaporated and was replaced with desire. "Please John come home with me so we can discuss us."

John didn't say anything for several moments but rather just simply stared into her eyes as if searching for some key to a question he wanted an answer too. She hoped he could see the truth in her gaze. "Alright," he whispered after a minute.

Joss smiled widely and he slowly returned it.

* * *

AN: RIP T rating, it was fun while I knew you but alas next chapter this story is going to be moved into the M section.

Thanks for reading!


	7. You Haven't Seen Nothing Yet

_**AN: Smut alert.**_

* * *

Joss shot John her fiercest look that she perfected back in her hay day as a top interrogator. "Steal one more of my fries and I'll have to rethink eating dinner with you," she commented with faux anger. They had been starving. Joss had been planning to go eat before looking for him but something called to her to go search for him instead and then go get something to eat. She was so glad she had because there was no telling if John would have been in that alley much longer.

He tried for a picture of innocence but failed miserably when the playful smile wormed its way onto his face. "I don't know what you mean, Joss."

She dropped her gaze to her box of fries and then his; his was empty while hers still was half-filled. She had about four of them, the rest were stolen from the man seated beside her on her couch. "Uh-huh, no clue huh." she retorted archly. McDonald's wasn't the most fulfilling first dinner they could have shared but it worked in a pinch, especially since she hadn't figured she'd get to have dinner with him at all tonight. John offered to take her out someplace but she hadn't wanted to share him with a restaurant full of people, so drive thru it was. It was quicker and easier; well except for the fact that the girl nearly spilled their drinks on her when she got a load of John. She couldn't blame the poor hormonal teenager; John would turn on a nun.

He was slowly loosening up too. When they got to her place she noticed he had grown anxious and nervous. It was so darn cute that she could make John like this but she wanted him to relax, so while they ate she picked the most random subjects to talk about and it worked. John relaxed, as they ignored the elephant in the room, he even kicked his shoes off and removed his suit blazer.

She held out her box of fries as an idea emerged. "I've changed my mind; I'll share," she offered sweetly.

He quirked a brow up and took a handful instantly. He took a large bite out of the five fries that he held together and then narrowed his gaze. "Why do I feel like these fries come with strings attached?" he asked after he finished them off.

"Because they do," she assured with a snicker. "Since I'm sharing my fries with you it's only fair you share something with me."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know anything you want to tell me. But it has to be something that I don't know about you, John," she stipulated. "And it doesn't have to be deep or meaningful. It could be: what's your favorite color, that sort of thing."

"Black…."

She scoffed. "Really, purple is mine though I'm intrigued by this gorgeous hue of blue I see almost every day," she murmured as she stared into his eyes. "It has flecks of green, so minute, but there; it's so pretty." He shook his head as he smiled ruefully so she wiggled closer but he popped the last of her fries into his mouth and climbed to his feet to gather up their trash. She watched him through half-mast eyelids as she feigned interest with her nails. "On the kitchen counter I got a bowl full of packaged mints, would you mind grabbing me one?" she requested.

"Sure,"

Her eyes caressed his entire body from head to toe as he carried their empty food containers to her kitchen. When he came back and sat down beside her, she scooted close, resting her knees against his hip. He held out a packaged mint to her which she gratefully took. She didn't want to kiss John and have McDonald's breath that quite possibly was the least sexiest thing ever. John opened one for himself, popping it into his mouth.

"Now tell me something because that first one doesn't count since I suggested it. Tell me something no one would ever believe the badass man in the suit would ever do," she prodded. Joss veiled this teasing game to see if John could trust her with himself. Not the man he showed everyone else, but the real man.

"Alright, this is one of my closest held secrets, Joss, and you can't tell another living soul," he stated solemnly, but with mischief radiating in his eyes, and she knew it wasn't as serious as he was making it sound. Joss nodded before jokingly making an X over her heart. "I watch old episodes of _Golden Girls_ when I can," he confessed.

Joss couldn't stop her jaw from dropping. "No way! Seriously?—I wouldn't have guessed that in a million years." she admitted with a laugh crunching up the last bit of her mint, leaving her feeling with a fresh mouth and breath. Now she could kiss him whenever she wanted to. And she desperately wanted to because John was giving her something real; something cute but also something real.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I just take you as an all military or history documentaries kind of guy." she admitted. But she liked the thought of John sitting on his couch, laughing gently at the comedy. It sounded so adorable and down to earth.

"I do like watching those," he admitted.

"Me too, but it's in our blood, I think." she murmured before asking what needed to be asked. "Who's your favorite?"

"Favorite?" he sounded as he finished off his mint.

"Duh, who's your favorite golden girl?!" she demanded. He groaned and she poked his side playfully. "Come on, you can't tell me you enjoy _Golden Girls_ and not tell me who is your favorite!"

"Joss…"

"I won't tell anyone," she promised as she batted her eyes at him. "Please, John."

He exhaled. "Sophia."

She shifted so she was angled towards him as she rested her arm on the back of the couch behind his head. "Really. Why her?" Joss wondered.

"I don't know, probably because underneath all that wisecracking and sarcasm she truly loved Dorothy," he murmured.

Joss smiled gently at the answer. "You're a big softie inside aren't you, John?" she asked. He looked at her and she let her fingers gently sift through his soft hair near the back of his neck. Her body moved on its own accord as she shifted closer to him so that her breasts rested against his arm. Her mouth inched its way near his. She lifted her right hand to rest it on his heart that, she was happy to find, was racing just hers was. "Under that impenetrable exterior lies a soft heart. That's why you work so hard to keep people out because it bleeds easy, doesn't it?"

"Joss.…" he whispered her name as if it was a prayer.

She lowered her head and kissed his jaw before placing another on his chin. "It's why I do it too; no one can hurt you if you don't let anyone close enough to," she whispered as she pulled back to stare into his impossibly blue eyes. They glittered with unspoken emotion. "John, we're cut from the same cloth; getting close to someone is hard for me too. Trust is not something that comes very easy for me."

"I know…."

"I trust you, John." she breathed as she kept her hand on his heart that was beating almost erratically. He looked away, breaking the eye contact first. "Please don't tell me I shouldn't," she requested.

He said nothing at all. They sat quietly; she staring at his profile, and John looking straight ahead. She wanted to draw his gaze back so she could learn what he was thinking and feeling. "Maybe it's time we both lay bare," she whispered in his ear.

That caught his attention as he shifted to look at her. John lifted a hand to gently push her hair behind her ear before letting his fingers entangle loosely. "Maybe you're right," he whispered as he pulled her forward and kissed her.

She moaned sharply as she readily responded to his kiss. He parted her lips and slipped his tongue into her warm mouth to slide across hers. Desire swelled inside her; the heaviness between her legs was welcome as she took what he offered so freely. But as much as she took she gave back with matching intensity. Joss pushed up, slipping herself onto his lap as her hands lifted to cup his cheeks. A sharp moan escaped the back of her throat as they rubbed intimately; her soft dampening center resting on his hard bulge that was growing rapidly.

Joss broke the kiss first to press forward and he easily leaned back as he looked up into her eyes. His blue eyes were smoky and dark. They were wrapped in an embrace, so close that she longed to feel his skin against hers without the barriers of clothing in the way. Wetness pooled in her panties at the sheer want for this man.

"It's time to be honest John; I don't want to be just friends with you. Maybe we could have been just friends and been happy with it but that was before I kissed your lips, heard you moan of my name, and felt the way you desire me. I can't," she said softly, seductively.

His hands were on her ass and hadn't moved yet. "Me either," he admitted. She smiled as she immediately moved inward to kiss him but he leaned his head back. She lifted her gaze and saw he was staring at her with quiet intensity. "You should know Joss: the numbers never stop coming and I can't stop working them."

"I would never ask you to. John, I know what this is for you. I know that this isn't just a job to you. Just as you would never ask me to give up being a cop; it might cause us some…disagreements but that's what makeup sex is for," she said with a sly smile.

He looked away but she caught sight of the small smile that lifted his lips up. "You are definitely one of a kind, Joss," he murmured as he looked up at her.

"Make love to me John…."

John moaned as he leaned forward and kissed her. How could he deny her or himself what they both wanted? He lifted her until she laid on the couch beneath him. Her legs curled around his hips and loved the soft gasp she made as he let his hands roam over her. She had all the right curves and the most perfect butt in the world. His focus split between kissing her and touching her everywhere he could, even with the clothing in his way. His hands ran up her belly and his thumbs found the underside of her breasts before moving up and brushing her nipples which hardened instantly.

She kissed him hungrily as her body was like a livewire, twisting and arching, and he groaned sharply into her mouth as they ground intimately together.

He pulled back and she sat up as they both hurriedly pulled at his shirt. He leaned over to kiss her as they both struggled with the buttons. Once enough were undone to slip the shirt over his head, he broke apart from her to do just that. She tugged at the undershirt as he worked the dress shirt off.

Joss stared at his torso as he flung the undershirt off to the side, as unwanted as the dress shirt. His nipples were hard, much like hers and she swallowed hard as an embarrassingly amount of wetness seeped out of her. John was a well-toned man; nothing boyish at all on him. He had a lovely set of biceps, nice pectorals, and a flat belly. He was definitely in shape; oh, she had known that before she took his shirt off, but seeing John half naked and aroused just put in perspective how good he looked. That sexy treasure trail that disappeared beneath his waistband of his dress slacks drawing her gaze down to that firm bulge in his pants. But her eyes caught sight of the scars that blemished his otherwise flawless muscular chest. He had so many. Too many. And some she had caused.

"Lay back," she commanded gruffly.

"Joss…don't."

"I said: lay back," she ordered fiercely.

He stared into her eyes and slowly sat back before lying down on his back with his knees bent and spread to let her settle between them. She sat on her knees and stared down at him before fingering his scars. "So much suffering," she said more to herself. Joss lifted her gaze to his. "You didn't deserve all this pain, John," she spoke gently.

"I survived, just as you did," he whispered.

She fought to contain her emotions as she tugged her shirt off. His eyes caressed her breasts that were still encased in her black lace bra; her scar from Fallujah visible. Joss forced her gaze onto his as she hovered over him, placing her hands on either side of his hips.

Joss bent over him and pressed tender kisses to every scar she found. As she moved up his chest she felt his fingers tracing her Fallujah scar. She pulled her head back; eyes intent on his which were watery.

He couldn't take the pain in her eyes over his scars. He tugged her up and kissed her and held her. John let her tongue dip into his mouth as his hands searched and found her bra clasp. Pleasure twisted deep in his gut as their skin rubbed each other's with her restless shifting.

She broke the kiss to plant her hands on the couch and climb off him. He mumbled a protest as her bra clasp was only half undone. "Our first time is not going to happen on my damn couch," she stated breathlessly.

John sat up and ran a hand through his hair. The sexual haze slowly lifted and he realized just how close they had come to having sex on her couch. Joss deserved better than that.

She shook her head as she immediately grabbed his hand and tried tugging. This was what she didn't want happening: John thinking. John had a habit of overthinking things.

"No. Don't think. Just act, John. You want me and I want you; there is nothing in this world that I want more than you. I just want you in a damn bed, not on a cramped couch."

"I do. I do want you, Joss. But I think we are moving too fast."

"Too fast?—I'm pretty sure, I've seen glaciers melt faster than we are moving," she complained grumpily.

John looked half amused and half pained. "You deserve a date that doesn't include a Happy Meal."

She snorted with laughter. "True. And we'll have a date, a real one tomorrow. But tonight; I want to make love with you. I don't need to go out on some fancy date to know that I want to be with you. It's not like we've just met, John."

Joss reached behind her and undid the rest of the clasp of her bra and let it slide to the floor. His eyes darkened as they slid to her bare chest. "But if you really want to leave because you think we're moving too fast than leave. But I'm going upstairs to my bedroom and get naked. Because even if you walk out that door I need to come in the worst way…" she purred coyly as she turned and sauntered for the stairs.

She looked over her shoulder trying for her best come hither smile, seeing John was staring at her hungrily. "…and I'll be calling out your name," she promised and with that she hurried upstairs. Joss couldn't stop the grin as she heard him following her.

Joss turned at the top of the stairs when she heard him fast approaching her. "You really don't play fair," he growled as he caught her around the waist and hauled her against him.

"You haven't seen anything yet." She moaned as she leaned her head back to give him unfettered access to her neck. She moaned as she rubbed against him as his mouth found a sensitive spot on her neck. "Oh god, that feels amazing," she whimpered.

He mumbled something against her neck as he grabbed her butt and lifted. She easily wrapped her legs around his waist and mewled when her nipples rubbed against his chest, as he carried her to her bedroom. She found herself under him on her bed as they kissed desperately. They rubbed and ground into each other impatiently.

Joss gasped as he ended the kiss to slowly kiss a path down to her breasts and she grabbed into his hair with one hand and gripped the comforter under her with the other. She moaned in aggravation as his warm tongue swirled around her nipple but purposely evaded giving her what she wanted. She gripped his hair tighter and he grunted in pain.

She loosened her death grip in his hair and he gave her what she wanted; the gentle swipe of his tongue on her nipple was more than enough to make her cry out. Joss rested a hand on his groin, tracing his length through his pants. He was impressive to say the least.

They became desperate to get naked. The rest of their clothes evaporated and he spread her legs. John's eyes caressed every single inch of her flesh, much as she was doing as she eyed his long, thick dick that was erect and waiting to be joined within her.

"Joss, I want to taste you but I need to be inside you," he whispered as he trembled. She loved how far gone he was. John teased her slit with his fingers and sunk two fingers deep inside her as if testing her readiness. He needn't worry because she was dripping wet at this point. "So wet," he muttered, pleased as he withdrew his fingers to lick them clean. "Mmmm, definitely have to taste you soon," he purred as he licked his lips.

Watching him do that and listening to him say that, only heightened her need. "Make love to me now, John," she begged as she grabbed his forearms. Next time they could explore and tease. But right now she needed to feel him inside her.

"Are you on some form of birth control?" he asked through gritted teeth. He didn't carry condoms and he would love to finish inside her but…

Joss found trying to think while his dick was torturing her pussy was almost too much. "Yes, pill…" she managed to string two words together as he teased her swollen lips with the tip of his cock that spread them wide to accommodate his large bulbous head.

She hissed in pleasure. "Stop teasing!" she growled.

"You've seen nothing yet," he whispered in her ear before he surged inside her to the hilt on one long thrust.

She dug her nails into his skin as she cried out in unexpected happiness. Joss felt full of him. He stretched her wide; filled her deeply. He stayed stilled for a moment or two allowing them both to enjoy the feel of their joining before he slowly rocked back and forth with very little movement. Their mouths met and tongues dueled as they made love slowly. The urgency fled, because now that he was buried inside her she didn't want it to end as much as he seemed to not want it either.

John quelled the urge to thrust into her harder and faster. Now that he finally had her; he wanted to experience it for the rest of his life. She was perfect; tight, warm, and felt so damn good. He put all his weight on his forearm as he let his other hand caress her skin. A teasing touch to her hip, a brush of his fingers between the valley of her breasts, or a harsh pinch of her nipple to earn a groan. He slowly increased the speed of his thrusts and let his hand wander between her legs wanting to feel the way she came around him. He couldn't wait to explore her pussy with his mouth; so he could find what set her off, learn what she enjoyed, and how to tease her to the brink of climax again and again.

Joss pushed free to cry John's name as the orgasm built. John's fingers were stroking her clit in time with his strokes as he picked up the pace.

It didn't take long for her to climax as John's steady but quickening pace and his expert fingers had her on the verge in seconds before he sent her over the edge from the sexy grin he gave her as he asked her to come.

Her entire body felt like it was on fire as the orgasm exploded through her and she heard John moan as she clamped down on him as the spasms rocked her. She closed her eyes as she leaned her head back calling his name over and over again. It was the most intense pleasure she felt in a very long time.

She opened her eyes and could feel how close John was. His entire body was taut. She caught his gaze and refused to release it as she lifted her hands to cup his face. Joss grinned up at him. "Come for me, John," she whispered.

He closed his eyes, thrusting hard into her as he came, as she locked her legs around his hips holding him deep inside her as wave after wave of his seed spilt inside her. Once the last tremor of his orgasm faded he limply rolled off of her and stared up at her ceiling.

"Wow. We waited three plus years for that," she whispered raggedly.

He smiled as he concentrated on slowing his heart rate and breathing regularly. Joss snuggled into his side; their warm flesh stuck on each other's. "That was…"

"Amazing," she supplied.

"I was going to say mind-blowing but amazing works too," he murmured.

She smiled. "Yea, mind-blowing is better. I think you gave me brain damage from that orgasm, John."

John laughed softly before they both quieted, both basking in the afterglow. He softly kissed the top of her head tugging her close and, as their bodies cooled, they dozed off into restful sleep.

* * *

AN: Can you imagine John Reese ordering through drive-thru *snorts*

Thanks for reading!


	8. Before the Night Ends

They lounged together with John propped up against the stack of pillows as Joss sat in front of him, between his legs and pulled up against his chest, and her head leaning against his shoulder. They had dozed for about a half hour from which they promptly awoke with renewed fire to make love again. She hoped the night dragged on so they could engage in a couple more rounds of hot sex before morning came.

But afterwards she had tugged on a pale pink satin robe to hurry downstairs to get them both her carton of chocolate fudge mint ice cream; they had worked up an appetite.

"You know I could seriously get used to this," she mused out loud as she pulled the spoon from her mouth.

"What, eating ice cream in bed after sex?" he asked as he dug his spoon into the carton taking a hefty chunk.

"mmm, yes definitely could get used to that, but I meant: us." she admitted with a sigh. "No outside world to interfere. No nosy brunettes sniffing around. It's kind of nice for it to be just you and me."

She felt his laughter as it shook her too. "And here I thought you enjoyed Shaw's girl crush on you," he teased. Joss snorted in response. "You have to know that Shaw practically falls all over herself for you."

"If you ask her you do too," Joss muttered as she plopped her spoon into her mouth.

"I do not have a _girl_ crush on you Joss."

She giggled. She loved seeing playful John and prayed it would stick around for a while. "Cute, but I meant that you fall all over yourself for me," she retorted dryly.

He grunted in response, not confirming or denying what she said, as he dug his spoon in for more ice cream. Joss silently thought. "Come to think of it, it seems everyone wanted us to get together: Shaw, Root, the machine; hell, I think Fusco hinted at me once."

"What?" he asked.

Joss shrugged a little. "He said: 'Carter! Mr. Tall, Dark, and Gloomy is in one of his apoplectic moods. Why not give him a call and make him happy so he leaves me the hell alone?" she said in her best Fusco impersonation.

"You sounded like Fusco there, Joss; please don't do that again in bed," he said with a shiver. She laughed loudly. "And I meant about the machine; how do you know the machine wanted us to get together?"

Joss froze a little. Great, now she was going to have to tell him about the simulations. She hadn't known how to broach the subject with him but tonight hadn't been in the plans. She moved so she could turn to face him. She eyed him and let her gaze drift down. John in just his underwear was sexy. But not nearly as sexy as he was butt naked. Too bad she couldn't shift focus on having sex again rather than talking about something she was sure would kill the mood.

She sighed forlornly. "I wasn't sure when to tell you this, but this morning Root came over to my place because the machine wanted to run simulations. It knew we were both struggling with what we should do about being friends or more. I watched the simulations through a virtual reality headset to see what our future would be like either way," she confessed before risking a glance at his face.

"What?!"

"I was at a crossroads, John, when I agreed. I wanted you but I was reluctant to change our relationship because you mean a lot to me," she whispered as she broke the eye contact. "I was scared if we didn't work out that I'd lose you. And the thought of losing you is too painful to bear."

He pulled her gaze back with a soft touch on her chin. "You won't lose me," he promised gently.

Joss pressed a kiss to his thumb's tip. "I know. But at the time I didn't know what to do, so when the machine offered me a chance to glimpse what life would be like I jumped at it," she admitted.

"What did you see?—is that why you called me earlier sounding upset?" he asked.

She nodded as tears welled up in her eyes. "I watched you die in my arms, John. I had to call you to make sure you were alright. I knew it was just a simulation but it was so damn real," she said roughly and let him wipe away the tears that managed to fall. "Then I saw two more that left me frustrated." And those other two weren't much easier on her than the one of watching him die, because the one had left her wanting to go sock Iris and the other left her sexually frustrated. John eyed her questioningly. "The second one I saw; you were on a date with another woman."

"Really, with who?" he asked in blatant surprise.

She snorted. "No one you know," she answered vaguely. Not that she was all that worried that John would meet Iris and instantly fall in love with her, but still. "In the simulation you were on a date with a pretty woman while I was with my boyfriend Ian Murphy, who wanted to propose; we all were at the same restaurant," she explained and laughed at the look on John's face. She grabbed the carton of ice cream and set it on her nightstand before sliding on his lap. She tilted his face up with gentle fingers. "You're the only man I want, John; just you and no one else," she promised wanting to wipe the look off his sexy face.

When the look remained she further tried to explain the machine's thinking to John from what Root said. "The machine matched you to the woman based off traits of me and Jessica while I think it used Ian because of the date…"

But he interrupted her as he tugged her down for a fierce kiss. She shivered at the possessive grip he had on her as he tongue met hers before it owned her mouth. It was as if he was making love to her mouth with his tongue as it flicked hers before sliding out of her mouth, before making its way back in and explored the inner recess of her mouth. Joss quivered as the kiss was so demanding, so carnal and possessive; she melted into him, giving him whatever he wanted.

Her eyes closed as her body responded to his; she felt his dick harden against her soft center. Damn his underwear; it was in the way. John let his lips pull from hers with a slight suction, before trapping her lower lip between his teeth. She moaned sharply at the small bite as she pressed her body forward into his. He released her lip before he kissed her deeply again, one that she responded to hungrily.

This time he ended the kiss to undo the sash, of her robe, and part it before he bent while lifting one of her breasts up and took it into his mouth. When he kissed her, she hadn't noticed how cold his mouth was from the ice cream, as hers had been too, but now she did. It was a delicious mixture of hot and cold, wet and demanding as he sucked on her breast. He took as much as he could in his mouth; his tongue careful to play with her aching nipple.

Joss flung her head back as she moaned his name loudly as her fingers dug into his shoulder blades. She rolled her hips to rub up against the thickening erection that was pressing against her wet aching pussy.

"John…" she gasped as he released her one breast just to shift his attention to the other. He scraped his teeth against the puckered nipple sending a hot trail of fire down from her belly into her tingling core. "I walked out on him while he was proposing; you were my only focus," she forced out. It was beginning to be much more difficult to talk but she couldn't bear him to think that she had been happy in the simulation without him.

He pulled his head back, leaving her feeling bereft, to look up at her. "Why did the machine simulate us with other people?" he questioned.

Joss was dumbfounded. He wanted her to think at a moment like this?—he just set her body on fire with minimal effort. And he had better things to do with his mouth then talk. "Uh…" she stuttered as she fought to think of what the simulation had been about. "We were ignoring what was right in front of us and forced ourselves to be content with friendship. Simulated Ian even said it was a constant worry for him that you would steal me away from him. But it's not stealing when you're the one that I want."

He tugged her head down for another searing kiss and she was grateful they were done talking. She scraped her nails across his pectorals loving the little shudder he did. She slid her tongue across his, and was vaguely annoyed when he pushed free of the kiss.

"I'm yours, Joss, now and forever." he whispered.

Her lips parted at the sincere declaration. She dipped her head to kiss him lovingly; slow but no less passionate. Joss needed him inside her this second. She pushed free of his intoxicating mouth as she shrugged off her robe, flinging it aside.

"I need you, John," she whispered breathlessly.

"I want that too. But first I want you to stand up," he instructed as he grabbed her hips and pushed upward. She was helpless to deny him as she rose to her feet in front of him. He grinned as he sat fully up, slid her left leg over his shoulder and grabbed her hips to hold her steady before, without a word, he buried his mouth into her pussy.

Joss cried out in unexpected joy as his tongue teased her lightly almost playfully. "John," she groaned lowly in her throat as she grabbed a handful of his hair and rested her other palm against the wall behind him. She leaned her head back as he continued to tease her with gentle swipes of his tongue against her.

He tightened his hold on her hips as he flattened his tongue and licked up and down, exploring every quivering inch of her pussy. Joss cried out as his tongue dipped between her hidden lips and she tilted her hips forward towards that talented tongue wanting more.

John loved the rush of wetness that escaped her and settled on his waiting tongue and lips as he pleasured her. She was all he ever wanted and she was something to be cherished because he didn't deserve something so pure, so beautiful, and so perfect. He latched his voracious mouth on her swollen nub of desire and sucked her gently at first until he matched the rhythm she set without realizing it. Her hips were jerking and twisting in his grip as she sought to alleviate the pressure in her pussy. He let her chase her own orgasm but wasn't going to make it easy for her. He released her clit and gulped in some much needed air while letting the climax she was getting closer to edge away.

He let his hands move from her hips to tease her ass before he found her wet entrance with his middle finger. He drew circles around it, before slipping his fingertip between her slick lips and nearly moaned at how wet she was. His finger sunk into her with very little effort. Joss was definitely ready for his dick that was throbbing and straining hard in his underwear, but he wanted to make her come just like this. Their first time had been urgent need to be joined. The second time he had gotten his mouth on her; getting to explore and tease, but he hadn't been able to remain unaffected for long before he was fucking her until they both were a sated but shuddering mess. This time he was going to finish her the way he wanted to; just like this, and then he was going to fuck her until she was crying his name. He wanted to hear his name escape her lips; maybe the more he heard her breathy calls as she came around him, then he'd realize this wasn't some fantasy he was having and was reality.

Her hips jerked forward as her hand pressed his head toward her in a silent command to finish what he started. He looked up at her and smirked, only too happy to do so.

Joss, unable to break eye contact with him, watched as he settled right back on her without a moment's hesitation. The pleasure he instilled in her was growing rapidly and her hips moved and she cried out as his tongue weaved around her clit in undiscernible shapes before he fastened his mouth onto her clit hungrily sucking on it, washing his tongue over her softness while he kept his lips firm and sucked with enough pressure to send her over the edge.

Joss came with a scream as the orgasm rocked through her; centered between her legs and ebbing all the way down to her toes. Endless waves of ecstasy shook and quivered through her as he stayed with her the entire time; drawing on her clit until finally the last heated tremor faded, leaving her body boneless as she sunk down to straddle him once more. His rock hard erection was resting against her quivering core and she squirmed as the rigidness felt rough on her sensitive pussy.

"My god John; that mouth is wicked." she whispered raggedly as she laid slumped against his chest, unable to move; her muscles felt like melted wax.

He chuckled softly as he stroked her heated skin, licking his lips free of her loving that her taste clung to his tongue. John nuzzled his nose close to her sternum before licking his tongue to catch the droplet of sweat that attempted to roll in the valley between her breasts.

She rested her forehead against his. "Don't do that. I'm about dead right now and you're going to lick my skin," she grumbled. She felt his smile against her chest. Once she was breathing relatively normally she rocked her hips back and forth earning a moan from him. "We have to do something about that," she whispered in his ear.

"We will be," he agreed before catching her mouth with his as he banded an arm around her and let his other hand glide over her tight ass and let his finger find her from behind. She hissed into his mouth as he pleasured her mouth with his tongue, playing with her folds with his fingers. Joss ground herself against him and he grunted, it felt too good!

Joss mewled as she squirmed in his hold, she freed her lips as his hand was teasing her. "God, John, you're making me crazy!" she gasped as she felt the tingles of arousal once more.

John finally let her go and she immediately slid free of his grasp to lower his underwear. He helped by lifting his hips and she tugged them down and off. His cock sprung free; twitching and erect, seeking her out.

"Come here," he commanded as he tugged her forward to kiss her deeply once more. She responded to it with equal fervor as her hand wrapped around his pulsating dick. She moaned as she felt how aroused he was as he throbbed in her hand; the collection of moisture at the large tip that she thumbed spreading his pre-cum over the head of his penis, loving the sharp moan he made in her mouth. Joss let him break the kiss to lean his head back to let out a loud breathy sigh, she let her fingers trail down his cock, tracing the bulging vein on the thick stem.

He moved her hand from his dick and grabbed her hips tugging her forward before positioning her over him. John looked up into her eyes and smiled as he spread his legs wider forcing hers that surrounded his to spread further as he eased her down. Joss hissed in pleasure as his erect and rigid dick poked her wet hole with just the tip. Teasing her with what she knew would come and wanted it desperately. It felt like forever since she felt him inside her.

She tried squirming but got nowhere. So she resorted to begging. "Please, John…"

"Oh, I'll be in you soon Joss," he promised raggedly. But first he wanted to make her crazed with need. He slipped just the large head of his cock inside her wet center to play with her. She hissed in pleasure and her sexy face contorted in desire. Sweat slicked her skin as she trembled; her nipples were distended and tight. He snapped his hips up while pulling her down without warning and thrust into her in one hard and long stroke.

John remained still as he pulled his head back to stare into her eyes. She looked so damn sexy. Her eyes were liquid chocolate, her lips were soft and open, and her skin felt heated to the touch. He rubbed her breasts, lightly pinching her nipples. "You good?" he asked gruffly.

"Good?—I'm getting fucked to heaven and back; I'm better than good," she assured him breathlessly, trying to sound sexy.

He smiled a little. "Feel what you do to me," he whispered.

Oh Joss could feel what she did to him. His dick was buried inside her and filling every part of her. She just knew by morning that she'd be so sore that a repeat of tonight wasn't in the cards in the impending days; she hadn't had sex in a while, hopefully they'd be having sex on a regular basis sooner rather than later. But his dick was twitching and ticking inside her as if ready to explode any moment to fill her with his hot creamy essence. What would John say or do if she told him she wanted to take him, the most vulnerable part of his anatomy, into her mouth, pleasure him until he lost it in her mouth so she could taste him?—feel his cum coat her throat as she swallowed it all. Maybe one day soon; she'd get a chance to.

"You feel ready to explode," she whispered as she clenched her vaginal walls around him, squeezing him loving the sexy grunt he made. His body was flush and sweaty, nearly as much as hers was.

Joss knelt on her knees and set her palms on his chest as he held her hips down, to stop himself from sliding completely free from her pussy, his bulbous head the only part of his cock remaining in her before snapping her hips downward as he thrust up for a deep and hard stroke that had both them moaning. Again and again they slammed flesh against flesh, making sexy music of their bodies mating sprinkled in with moans of pleasure. John drove up into her soaking wet core harder as he held her slick hips tight as he sped up his pace.

Joss cried his name as she let a hand slide between her legs and rubbed her clitoris in time with his strokes.

"Come again Joss," he purred as he fucked her mercilessly. He really needed her to hurry because he felt his own climax clawing forward.

They fucked frantically as their ecstasy built to a crescendo. Joss was mindless to anything but the white hot pleasure gripping her loins as her orgasm was storming her center full force; leaving her on the precipice as her entire body felt like it was on fire. She felt the way his dick was throbbing madly inside her; he was ready to come any moment. Their eyes met and she stiffened as she shot over the edge with a hoarse cry of his name.

He followed her seconds later; coming with a soft moan of her name, body taut and rigid, as he filled her with and endless supply of his essence as her eager body lapped it up until he was completely spent.

They both slumped on the bed; Joss collapsed on top of John, as they both breathed heavily in unison. Their bodies clung together, shaking and jerking from their prolonged rigorous activity.

Joss lifted her head to tease his lips with a long and lazy kiss before leaning back. "I don't want to move a muscle." she whispered as she settled her cheek on his rising and falling chest that was slowly slowing down.

He stroked her bare back all the way down to her butt and up to her neck. "So don't," he spoke softly as he removed his sensitive and soft cock from deep inside her, before moving her so that she was comfortable against him. John flipped the comforter on top of their quickly cooling bodies as she curled into him.

John just watched her as she quietly fell asleep. "I love you Joss," he whispered and held her until he finally succumbed to sleep himself.

* * *

AN: They deserved a night of debauchery before the rest of the world emerged once more. Thanks for reading!


	9. Mine

Something amiss was what woke Joss up. She patted the bed beside her and frowned when it felt cold to the touch. Joss opened her eyes and exhaled heavily when she didn't see John anywhere in sight. A pang echoed through her heart. She had thought that after everything they talked about and shared together last night that he wouldn't just up and leave without a word in the middle of the night.

Tears threatened but she stubbornly held them in check. She had to remember a leopard couldn't change their spots and John couldn't magically change either. Men like John were set in their beliefs and as of right now he believed he didn't deserve someone like her. If only she could prove to him that he was a good man! She stared up at the ceiling lost in thought; wishing she hadn't been so exhausted from their late night festivities because she was usually a light sleeper and would have heard him trying to slip out without waking her. Then she'd been able to talk him out of leaving and she'd be waking up in his arms rather than not.

Joss forced herself up even though she felt like just lying in bed, thinking up ways to demolish John's demons to dust. She tugged on the pink satin robe that she flung off herself last night in her haste to feel her skin against his. She shivered at the memory. John leaving was just a temporary setback because if he thought she was going to give up on him, after what they shared last night, then he lost his ever loving mind! Joss cinched the sash around her waist tight and headed out of her bedroom to get some much needed coffee. She trudged down the stairs yawning again; thoughts focused on what she would say when she caught up to John today. Maybe she should tell him about the simulation of where they were married and see what kind of reaction she got to that! Joss smirked at the mental image of his jaw dropping.

Once downstairs she rounded the staircase and headed for her kitchen and stopped dead on the threshold. John stood in front of her stove, clad in his dress pants and undershirt while he was making scrambled eggs. Her eyes roamed over him; noting his hair was damp from a shower he must have taken, and she was supremely miffed she missed participating in it. Her gaze dropped down to his butt for a few moments before sliding back up as he turned as she must have made a sound alerting her presence.

He smiled shyly. "Good morning Joss," he greeted in his low sexy tone. It always created goosebumps and this time was no different. She stared at him as if he was a figment of her imagination,a sexy figment of her imagination. He shifted as the smile faded. "I, uh, woke up and figured to make us some breakfast and coffee before we needed to get to work."

Joss knew she was probably weirding him out as she stared at him unblinkingly, but she was just happy. Happy he was still here. She smiled at him as she strode over to him, reached up and tugged him down for a kiss. He sighed into her mouth as he responded to it before, after a few moments, ending it.

"Your eggs will burn." he muttered as he shifted his gaze away to focus on finishing her breakfast.

Joss watched as he pulled the pan off the burner. "You're still here," she breathed in awe. And making her breakfast too, which was so domestic and downright quite sexy when he was doing it.

He looked at her questioningly. "Why wouldn't I be?" he wondered aloud…unless he overstayed his welcome but he didn't know what to do on a morning after?—he never stuck around for one, not since Jessica.

"I thought you left because you got into your head and thought I deserved better than you and left without saying anything. I'm glad to see that I was wrong."

John relaxed a little as he realized she didn't want him to leave. He looked at her after he set her eggs beside her bacon and hashbrowns he had already made. "If this happened a few months ago; you probably wouldn't be wrong." he admitted honestly. "I still feel like you deserve better than me but I can't let you go either."

He set her plate next to his on the table that he had already set, and motioned for her to sit as he pulled out the chair for her. "Good, I won't let you let me go either!" she replied decisively as she took a seat. No matter what happened now; they were in this together.

He set a mug of steaming hot coffee beside her plate and sat down next to her. They talked about general things as they ate before she decided it was time to broach the topic she wanted to discuss. "So tell me how to play this, John?" she requested as she ate her breakfast.

He frowned when he looked up from his plate and at her. "What do you mean?"

"With our friends; do I pretend we are just friends or do I let the cat out of the bag so to speak?" she inquired. "Root and Shaw know about the simulations but they have no clue what happened after my failed attempt to have dinner with you."

"I'm not sure."

Joss set her fork down to reach out and rest her hands on his before speaking; "John, I want you comfortable; I know this is something you haven't had in a long time. If you want to keep things quiet and just between us then I'm good with it. If you want to tell the world I'm good with that too."

What did he want to do? Conducting a secret relationship had pros and cons, just as having it out in the open. But did he want to pretend they were just friends all the time when they were in the presence of others? He looked her in the eyes. "I'm okay with it being out in the open," he admitted.

She smiled pleased with the turn of events. "Worried you won't be able to keep your hands to yourself while we're in their presence?" she teased.

"Maybe…."

"Well good news, John; I had the same worry," she confessed. "Plus the thought of pretending to be just friends around our friends sounds too exhausting."

"As exhausting as we were trying to pretend to be just friends with each other?"

Joss nodded in agreement. "So who gets to tell them?" she asked forlornly, knowing she was going to have too because John wasn't.

"We could just let them ask themselves." he suggested instead.

Joss smirked. "I like that idea very much." she admitted. She could almost picture just pulling John in for a kiss to announce their relationship change.

They finished up their breakfast with light conversation; they cleaned up their plates afterwards and set them in her sink. "So are you heading to your place for a change of clothes or heading straight to your HQ?" she asked, disappointed that the morning was going so quickly.

"I'm heading to the library to meet up with Finch and Shaw to see if we have a new number or not."

She followed him into her living room where he tugged his dress shirt on. Joss reached out to help button it up. "I like undoing the buttons," she muttered.

He playfully pulled the sash at her waist and her robe parted. "I like you naked." he purred with a distinctly male smile on his face as he stared at her naked body. John reached a hand up to rub his fingers over her stomach as the muscles bunched there. He let his fingers tease up and tweak her nipple that hardened instantly. "Joss, you're so responsive."

"Careful, John; keep this up and you won't be leaving anytime soon and our friends are gonna learn the truth the good ol' fashion way," she threatened.

"Doesn't sound like punishment to me…."

She stepped close to him, "Do you want me to discipline you?" she asked seductively.

His irises darkened as he stepped forward so that there were mere inches between; he looked one step from devouring her, and she wanted it so damn much. Just one more time to get her through the day without his kiss or touch, or getting to hear his voice. God, she felt like an addict needing a fix and her drug of choice was John Reese. Her sex was a little sore but not as much as she feared it would be thanks to how much care he showed her last night and she was more than good to go one more time. She'd just take a nice long soaking bath tonight to ease any soreness that lingered.

"I didn't hear an answer," she commanded huskily, trying to get into the role of seductress but damn was it hot to think about disciplining John in bed.

"God yes," he breathed as his head bent and took her lips with his swiftly, passionately. Her arms snaked around his neck but groaned in utter frustration when there was a knock on her door. John pulled back instantly.

She hated whoever the hell was at the door! She was so damned turned on at the moment as she watched disgruntled as John tucked his shirts into his pants before sitting down on her couch to pull his shoes on. There was another round of knocks and she exhaled in annoyance. "I'm getting rid of whoever it is so quickly their head will spin." she grumbled wrapping her robe tightly around her before cinching the sash tight. She turned and stormed over to the door; with her luck instead of it being Root it was going to be Shaw.

Joss unlocked the door and tugged it open making sure her patented glare was in place as she came face to face with Ian Murphy. She faltered as she felt like she was doused with cold water. "Ian?" she squeaked as she folded her arms across her chest to hide her breasts knowing that her nipples were hard and straining against the satin. She felt severely underdressed and for a moment wondered how he knew where she lived. But then she recalled his 'extensive' research he had done with all his previous dates.

"Hey Joss, I know this is out of the blue but I was hoping to take you to coffee." he said as he let his eyes roam over her. "I finally got my life in order and was hoping we could see if there is anything more to our attraction."

"I'm sorry Ian but…"

"I won't take no for an answer." Ian interrupted with a charming smile.

Joss was about to let him down when John's soft voice came; "How about if I say it?" She winced at how cold it sounded, so unlike how he was just a few moments earlier. She felt his hands grip her hips from behind fiercely, staking claim.

"You," Ian murmured.

Joss looked over her shoulder to see John's face attempt to look like a smile but it failed. It looked more like a feral snarl. "Me," he agreed lowly. "It's been a while, Ian; how's your son?"

"He's good." Ian answered equally clipped with a strained smile, both men trying to make polite small talk. Joss wanted to find a hole to crawl into because this was so damned awkward. John had yet to relinquish his fixed hold on her hips, not that she was hoping for it. She liked the possessive touch.

"Joss, I need to go but I'll see you tonight," John murmured as he bent down to press his lips on hers gently. She forgot for a minute where she was and who was with them, their moment that was interrupted was fresh in her mind, so was what they did last night, as she kissed him back hungrily. She was pleased to be granted this permission of being able to touch John whenever and however she wished. He pulled back and pinned Ian with a look. "It's nice to see you are doing well, Murphy." he said before grabbing his wool jacket and suit blazer. He tugged them on and stepped between Joss and Ian. "She's mine." he whispered for Ian's ears only.

Ian simply nodded and would never admit it out loud but this man scared the fuck out of him. If he hadn't seen how tender John was with Joss he would be afraid for her. But this man turned into something else entirely with Joss. His whole demeanor and expression changed solely for her; it was soft, caring, and tender. It was evident in the kiss they just shared that his world revolved around her and Joss was equally smitten; there was no way in hell he could compete with that. Ian turned to watch the tall man make his way down the sidewalk before hailing a cab.

Ian turned to look at Joss. "I guess I'm too late, huh?"

"You guess right," she agreed softly as she kept her arms folded over her chest again.

He shook his head. "I knew how he felt about you. But I didn't realize you shared the feelings too. I hope it works out for you, Joss; you're truly an amazing woman."

"Thank you. John is a good man even if he doesn't think so."

Ian forced a smile. "Well, if you ever find yourself a free woman; give me a call."

She nodded. "Bye, Ian,"

"Bye Joss," he responded with sad finality.

Joss quietly shut the door and relocked it up as she shook her head. Of all the days that Ian Murphy could have showed up at her door; today had to be it when John was here to witness it. She needed to go do some damage control; just what she needed was John to start thinking that there were better suitors out there for her like Ian. Joss headed over for her phone and called John.

He answered on the first ring. "Is he bothering you?" he questioned darkly.

"No, Ian left. I was just calling to make sure that you're good," she replied as she stretched out on her couch a little sore and a lot exhausted. It's been a while since she engaged in a night of sex. "This is new for the both of us and I know you have this low opinion of yourself. I don't want the fact that Ian showed up at my door to cause trouble for us."

"I can't really fault any man that wants to be with you; you're perfect."

Joss shook her head as she leaned her head against the armrest. "Yea, well; you're the only man I want. How about dinner at my place and I'll get Thai for us?—we can head out to a restaurant some other time. I kind of want you all to myself for the time being."

"Sounds good; I'll see you later tonight, Joss."

"Call me if you need help with anything," she stipulated before he hung up.

"We will,"

And with that they hung up. Joss reluctantly climbed to her feet seriously, needing to get a move on or she was going to be late for work.

* * *

AN: Jealous John is always a pleasure to write so whenever I can figure out a way to get away with writing it, I will. And I never hated Ian but I didn't like him either. Between Ian and Cal I'd take Ian any day of the week. I don't know what it was about Cal that rubbed me wrong but there was something. Some fluffy mush is coming your way before some angst :)

Thanks for reading!


	10. What's Up?

Finch was nervous as he tapped his fingers on the tabletop near the keyboard. He truly didn't know what kind of mood Mr. Reese was going to be in when he came this morning. Was John still going to be upset by what he said yesterday or pretend that nothing was said at all? Ms. Shaw called him up last night wanting to know if he knew what was wrong with Mr. Reese because he cancelled dinner and had been immediately suspicious when he stammered in his attempt at saying no. It was evident that Ms. Shaw figured out that there was more to the story. But Harold, for the life of him, couldn't figure out why it mattered to his newest, slightly unhinged, employee as to why John cancelled.

Harold looked up with a soft smile as he heard the gate open to only frown when it was Ms. Shaw and not Mr. Reese. "Geez Finch; you sure know how to make a girl feel welcomed," Shaw deadpanned as she set his tea in front of him. "Turn that frown upside down or the next time I get your tea it's going to have an added ingredient you won't want," she threatened.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Shaw; I just thought John would be here by now," he acknowledged resignedly.

Shaw straightened. "You want to bust his balls too?—well get in line! He cost me a damned steak dinner!" she growled as she squeezed her cup of Joe.

Finch opened the cap to the tea to let it cool down slightly. "Care to explain what you mean about Mr. Reese costing you a coveted steak dinner?" If there was anything that he had learned about Sameen Shaw in the short time he has known her was that food, mainly steaks, were an integral part of her life.

Shaw shrugged. "Not much to say; Root and the machine showed Carter some simulations about her and Reese so Carter needed my help to try to lure Reese to dinner. She promised me a steak dinner if I did and Reese cancelled on her. Now his ass is mine!"

"WHAT?!" Harold's voice grew loud in startled surprise. Thankfully he had waited to take a sip of his tea or he surely would have spat it out in astonishment. "The machine showed Detective Carter simulations?!"

"You know what they say; a picture is worth a thousand words, Harry." Finch looked up and saw Ms. Groves approaching them with a smile tilting her lips up; her brown eyes solely on Shaw. "Hi sweetie…."

"God, what are you doing here?—isn't there someplace else you need to be other than bugging me?" Shaw complained.

"Not yet. SHE says I need my beauty sleep."

"Yea, you do have bags under your eyes," Shaw agreed darkly.

Finch looked at Ms. Groves, who lifted a hand to her face. "Why on Earth would the machine show the Detective simulations?" he demanded. "The machine was created to protect people not interfere in their lives."

"SHE wasn't interfering Harold; SHE was helping." Root chided. "Lurch and his detective were struggling with what to do with their back and forth. The ole' cliché of will they or won't they, so SHE gave the detective the chance to glimpse what life would be like if they did or didn't. SHE would have extended that offer to the big lug but John wasn't the right candidate to view the simulations."

"And what conclusion did they reach?" Finch asked with a heavy sigh. There was no use in being upset; now that the machine was self-governing it could do as it wished. If it wanted to show Detective Carter simulations of possible outcomes of a relationship with John than it could. He only hoped the machine wouldn't interfere with their wishes if it didn't coincide with what the machine wanted them to do.

Root frowned. "I don't know. SHE won't say."

The telling sound of the gate opening once more alerted them to the fact that John had arrived. They all turned to watch him expectantly as he walked toward them.

"What?" he asked as four set of eyes were all staring at him. John felt a little uncomfortable and almost as if they could tell he was wearing the same suit from yesterday even though he had about ten of the same pair.

Shaw raked a keen gaze all over Reese. He looked different but she couldn't put her finger on why he looked different. "What's wrong with your face?" she demanded.

John tried to bite his tongue, he really did, but he was still irked by Ian's appearance at Joss's door. "What's wrong with your face?" he repeated her question.

Shaw made a move forward but Root grabbed her arm. "Now, now kids; you two play nice," Root instructed.

"If you don't let go of my arm; I'm going to turn all the bones in your hand to sawdust."

Root grinned. "You say the sweetest things," she chirped but let go of her arm.

Finch could see John looked ready to throttle Ms. Shaw and Ms. Groves, so he played mediator. "Mr. Reese, what I believe Ms. Shaw meant is that you look different this morning," he explained.

"Yea, what Finch said," Shaw agreed instantly.

John shifted his gaze from Shaw to Finch to Root and back. He shrugged. "I forgot to shave this morning." he confessed and hid a smile when he saw a thunderous look erupt on Shaw's face, clearly finding fault in the answer.

"Where the hell were you last night?" Shaw demanded angrily. She tried the subtle way but subtle wasn't her thing. "You found my trackers and my bugs, and cancelled dinner the one damn time I let you choose. Why?"

John kept his face neutral but barely. He was surprised that the machine hadn't filled in Root who would love to tell Shaw every sordid detail. There was security cameras at the alley way where he and Joss had met up and they had put their phones on too. He was sure the machine knew that they found each other last night. But the machine was keeping it secret for whatever reason.

"I wasn't hungry." he answered. Shaw cursed. John didn't know why she didn't just ask the question she wanted to and he would answer her truthfully. But for now; if they didn't ask then he wasn't going to tell them about him and Joss. He turned to eye Finch. "Do we have a new number, Harold?"

Harold sighed. "Sadly it appears our recent good fortune has run out. We received a new number earlier this morning." he murmured. He would just have to wait to ask John about yesterday when they were alone, without Ms. Shaw and Ms. Groves around. Perhaps John would feel more comfortable telling him when they weren't around.

* * *

Fusco sidled up next to Carter. She had been absentmindedly stirring her creamer into her—hours old and tasted like it—coffee for a good five minutes. Either she wanted it sufficiently mixed or she was daydreaming and judging by the dopey smile on her face it was the latter.

"Are you still in the station or you're dreaming of some fun in the sun?" he asked softly, trying to draw her from her thoughts without spooking her.

It didn't work. She jumped a mile and grabbed at her chest shooting him a glare. "Don't sneak up on me like that, you're liable to be shot."

He snickered. "Sneak up on ya?—I walked over here in plain view. It ain't my fault I caught you when you were daydreaming, Carter."

Joss picked up her coffee and headed for her desk. He had interrupted a daydream that she hadn't realized she slunk off into but it had been oh so good. It featured John and 'disciplining' him. Damn Ian and his lousy timing; she might have gotten the real deal and not some fantasy that her mind conjured up. But she doubted Fusco would want to hear about it. It would make him view the bane of his existence in a _whole_ different way.

"So what's got you daydreaming at work?—it's not like you. You're not the type to have your head up in the clouds on office hours," Fusco asked he followed her.

"You make me sound so boring," she complained mildly, trying to change the subject off what she didn't want to talk about. She knew John said it was alright to tell their friends about the new shift in their relationship but she didn't know if she wanted to share it with anyone just yet. Right now it was just her and John, and she liked that fact.

"Nice try Carter, what were you daydreaming about?"

She sighed. "John." she answered honestly.

Lionel stared at her. "John, as in wonder-boy, as in Mr. Fabulous, as in…"

"Yes, John, our friend, the bane of your existence but not mine, in fact I really enjoy his company. He's kind, funny, and sexy…so damn sexy." she said with warmth and chuckled at the look on Fusco's face. "Hey, you asked."

"Yea that's because I thought it was about some beach somewhere that doesn't include a mountain of paperwork and not about Mr. Tall, Dark, and Demented!" he complained. But he had always thought there was something between his partner and the bane of his existence. They stared at each other for a beat too long for to be just purely platonic. Carter could do no wrong in the eyes of the big guy. "So I take it that stutter-boy managed to untie his tongue around you long enough to make a move on you?"

"So to speak; it was mutual. We are tired of pretending to be just friends so we're not," she explained without fully explaining everything. Lionel still didn't know about the machine and Finch wanted to keep it that way for, at least, the time being. "It's something we both want, Fusco, and I'd like it for you to not make too many jokes about it to John. Please, if not for John, do it for me. He has a low opinion of himself and I don't want to have to contend with his inner voice telling him that he's not good enough for me and other outside voices trying to make him believe it more. He's what I want."

Lionel held up his hands. "Hey, far be it for me to tell others what to do with their lives, Carter. If you and the big guy want this and it makes you happy then I'm all for it. You're my partner but more than that you're my friend," he said heartfelt.

Joss smiled a little. "Thank you Lionel, I appreciate that," she murmured sincerely. "You're a good friend and the best partner I ever had."

He nodded before grinning. "You and wonder-boy," he muttered with a laugh. And with that he turned and headed for his desk. Joss was grateful. Since she hadn't heard from John or from her friends maybe it was going to be a quiet day for them. It would be a rare treat. She could get some paperwork done, take a nap when she got home, and get dinner for her and John so they can enjoy an evening in together. Maybe make out on her couch which sounded so perfect.

She tried resisting the urge to call him. She did. Really, she did. But the urge won out as she whipped her phone out of her pocket and immediately called him. He answered on the second ring. "Hey…."

"Hey John, sorry for calling you but I was curious to find out if you have a new number so I should expect you for dinner or not," she said reasonably. It at least sounded better than saying 'hey John, sorry for calling you but I desperately needed to hear your voice because I think I'm a lovesick fool'.

He sighed which didn't bode well for her for tonight. "I'm not sure. We received a new number this morning. Shaw is currently watching Deputy Mayor Floyd while I'm heading to meet Zoe for information on who might be going after this guy and why."

Joss bristled at the mention of Zoe Morgan. That woman wasn't refined with her desire for John and for some ungodly reason Zoe took opportunity after opportunity to make it known to her that they were bed partners.

John must have noticed her silence because he spoke again; "Joss?"

"I'm going to try to say this without angering you, John," she admitted.

"Alright," he said hesitantly.

"If we're going to be a thing then I don't want you sleeping with her anymore. I get that you two were friendly bed partners or whatever the hell it was that you two were that she practically crammed down my throat, but I don't share," Joss stated brusquely.

"It was never a thought, Joss," he murmured softly. She felt her shoulders relax instantly, grateful that she hadn't angered him by blurting it out as she had. "Zoe and I haven't slept together in months. Before last night I've been celibate."

"John, it's okay if you did, I mean you were a single man and she's attractive," she said quickly, not wanting him to think that she needed to hear that. She truly didn't care what he did with Zoe before they got together; it was now that she cared about.

"I'm telling you the truth. We haven't slept together for a while."

"Uh-huh, not even after the Murphy case?—you were waiting for her." she pointed out.

John smiled as he drove to the bar Zoe asked to meet at. Perhaps it was time Joss knew the truth. "Joss, the real reason I was there wasn't because of Zoe but rather you. You were distant, trying to bring down HR alone, so I wanted to give you the space you wanted but also see you. I walked Zoe home and left." he murmured, leaving off the fact that Zoe had tried to cajole him up to her place to relieve a little 'Carter' tension as she so colorfully put it. He couldn't pull a fast one on Zoe who had known before he did how he felt about Joss.

Joss sat there, not shocked by the admission. She had seen the lingering looks he gave her when he saw her in the cop uniform. Joss felt like he was disrobing her. At first she told herself that she was imagining things. Then when he surprised her at her car after busting her with her surveillance of HR, there was something in his eyes as they drank beers and reminisced about simpler times. They had gotten in some weird eye contact where they couldn't break the hold and unconsciously moved closer together as they talked. It had been a nice evening even though she had been trying her damnedest at keeping John at arms' length since she couldn't risk HR learning of their alliance.

"That took some creative thinking," she replied softly.

John chuckled. "I'll have you know I'm rather good at thinking on my feet," he murmured.

She snorted. "Oh, I know; I was there when you used the nail gun as a weapon on that hired gun man," she muttered with a smile. "Just so you know; Fusco knows about us. Caught me day dreaming…about you." she admitted.

John grinned widely. "You were day dreaming about me?" he questioned.

"Yea, but don't let it go to your head! I just can't get the thought of disciplining you out of my mind," she whispered seductively.

"Me either," he moaned.

"Maybe someday soon we can make our fantasy come true, although I have a few fantasies I want to make reality," she purred.

John felt the stirring of arousal and made a face as he arrived at the bar that Zoe requested. This wasn't the time or place he wanted to be with an erection.

"You'll have to tell me these fantasies sometime soon but I need to go, Joss."

She nodded. "So I guess I'll play dinner by ear then?" she suggested.

"Thanks…."

"Do you need any help?" she asked.

"If I do I'll call you," he replied swiftly.

"You'd better…."

* * *

He picked the lock of Joss's back door. He rarely ever used the front one out of habit. Back doors were far more shadowy than front ones where streetlamps and porch lights typically were. On rare occasions he had them to deal with at back doors, including home security cameras but Joss didn't have any of that. If anyone ever tried to harm her or Taylor he would take care of them.

John wasn't entirely sure if it was safe to assume he was welcome to sleep here without an invitation. Sure they had sex last night, sure they decided to forego friendship and try something altogether scarier, but that didn't necessarily mean he had the right to just enter her place and cozy up with her in her bed because he liked holding her. He enjoyed holding her as much as kissing her. Joss was an excellent kisser; she made his heart race, and he couldn't seem to get himself under control which led to sex. And sex with Joss was amazing. He had good sex before but Joss was on another level. She was a sexy mixture of sweetness and spice; it was intoxicating that she could go from vixen to angel and back to vixen leaving his head spinning and so damned aroused.

Shaw, Finch and he had finally finished up the number just about a half hour ago which made him miss having dinner with Joss, who would probably be getting up for work in about an hour. He hadn't slept much the night before for far more enjoyable reasons than tonight. But it was too late to rethink his decision of just letting himself into her home to slip between her covers to hold her for what was left of the night, because he already had the door open and the exhaustion was making him sway on his feet. Shaw had been obnoxious with her questions but still wouldn't come right out and ask if he was seeing Carter. She kept prodding about where he was last night. He wondered if Shaw was worried about breaking a confidence by accidentally telling him about Joss and the simulations.

But he'd think about just telling Shaw so she'd leave him the hell alone later, right now all he wanted to focus on was getting in Joss's bed and sleep. He trudged up her stairs in the otherwise quiet home and stilled at the top as his eyes drew to the other bedroom across the hall. He frowned as he surely hadn't thought this fully through since her son was home. But even that fact didn't stop him from turning and heading for her room. He opened her door and softly closed it behind him.

John approached her bed where there was a small collection of her clothes on the floor. He began adding to the pile with his own as he eyed her. She was sound asleep, curled on her side with her face facing away from him. After a lengthy debate over whether or not he should sleep in the nude or not; he decided on nude, which was more comfortable for him. He rarely slept with clothes on and didn't want to try to sleep with his boxer-briefs on just on the chance that her son would barge right into her bedroom. Taylor was nearly a legal adult not a child, so he doubted he would just enter.

He lifted the comforter and slid in beside her. John smiled a little as Joss muttered something as she wiggled closer as he wrapped his arms around her. He held her close and fell instantly asleep.

John was startled awake about an hour later and realized it was Joss's alarm clock that awoke him. She grunted and groaned in annoyance as she roused too before shutting the alarm off. "When did you get here?" she asked sleepily snuggling into his embrace once more.

After a few seconds John caught his wits and yawned. "About an hour or so ago, I didn't think you'd mind," he whispered as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head as she wasn't in a hurry to get going.

"Mind you slipping into my bed?—I'd mind if you didn't," she retorted. "Number finished?"

"Yes."

"Everything is alright?"

"Mmmhmmm," he sounded, dozing a little.

Things grew silent. Joss was letting herself slowly awaken and bask in the fact that she was waking up this morning with John's arms around her. Yesterday morning he had beat her up so she wasn't granted such a luxury and she sure wasn't stupid and going to waste the opportunity. Nope, she was going to soak up as much of this until it became imperative that she got her ass in gear or she'd be late.

They laid there for a long while and listened to him lightly snore when she reached over to the nightstand where her cell sat next to her alarm clock. Call her old school but she didn't like using her cell phone as an alarm clock. She sighed in disappointment not because her phone was nearly dead but because it was time to get going or she'd be incredibly late for work.

Joss wiggled a little trying to free herself without waking him up but couldn't. "John," she whispered and waited but when it was clear that didn't work she called his name again but this time a little louder.

"Hmmm…" he sounded.

"Let go, I have to get up to get ready for work. Just sleep in and stay here for however long you want." she spoke softly but when he grip didn't loosen she exhaled. "Seriously, John, let go; I can't get free."

"Who says I want to let you go?" he questioned sleepily.

She chuckled. "Well regardless if you want to or not, you have too."

"Who says?" he murmured sounding awfully awake now.

"Me," Joss declared irritably. John seemed unimpressed as his hold merely tightened and he simply mumbled 'no' at her. She squirmed a little trying to wiggle free but his arms were like bands of steel!

"Keep up that squirming and you're going to be really late," he muttered.

Joss groaned at that. Did he have to tease sex?—because it had been on her mind since waking up with his arms wrapped around her and feeling his cock hardening against her butt. She was only wearing a long short sleeve shirt that rested on her mid thighs and nothing else. It was what she usually slept in. She reached around behind her and between them and her eyes grew big realizing John was naked.

One of John's arms loosened from around her middle as he let his hand wander down tugging her shirt up and slip between her legs. She gasped as he touched her and suddenly all desire to be on time for work was gone.

"John," she breathed as she leaned her head against his shoulder as her hips jerked forward to follow his hand, not wanting the delicious touch to end as her body crackled alive under his wicked hand.

His mouth was on her neck as his cock poked her butt which was now resting against it without her shirt as a barrier. She felt how warm and hard he felt but also how powerful as he twitched against her as he grew aroused by touching her.

"Joss," he whispered near her ear as he slipped a finger into her and it was rather embarrassing how wet she became at such a simple touch.

"Yea," she managed as grabbed the pillow in her fist as she lifted her leg to rest it on his thigh to spread herself more as he inserted a second finger into her and was thrusting them into her over and over again.

"You're going to be late," he vowed as he withdrew his fingers and she whimpered in protest.

John shifted so he was lying on his side and positioned his aching cock between her spread legs, holding onto her hip as he pushed into her wet heat from behind and she cried out softly as she gripped the sheet beside her. He was inside her on one long slow stroke. He slipped his hand between her legs and found her clit with ease as he slowly began to move inside her.

"Oh god," she moaned. She dreamt of his touch, of him inside her again.

He shifted closer and sucked at her neck as he pounded inside her. He teased her clitoris as he felt the muscles in her thigh begin to quiver. John moved his mouth near her ear. "Maybe I won't let you come," he whispered raggedly in her ear. "Maybe I'll let you go to work thinking about the climax you could have had and want it, desire it, need it the entire day until you're insane with need."

Joss whimpered at the thought and nearly cried out in frustration as he slowed his pace down considerably. "Please John, don't…" she begged softly, as her eyes closed and pushed hard back against him wanting it hard and fast. She slid her hand between her legs resting her hand on his pressing his fingers harder onto her.

He let his hand that was buried between her legs slide up her body to tease her nipples. She replaced her hand where his had been and rubbed herself in time with his strokes, both moaning in need. John let his hand fondle her breasts for a few moments before sliding up her neck meaning to tuck some of her hair back, but she moved her head down catching his middle finger between her teeth. He hissed in pleasure as he allowed her to suck his finger, which had been between her legs, into her mouth.

"You're so damn hot," he whispered before he withdrew his finger from her mouth to settle his hand on her hip so he could drive into her hard and fast, feeling the heat in his belly grow.

"John," she moaned in need. Her orgasm was so close…

She flung her head back as she cried out before muffling it as she buried her face into her pillow as she came about the same time he did. He bit his lip to make sure he didn't shout but rather softly moan as he emptied himself inside her before relaxing into a shuddering pile of limps on her bed.

Joss moaned in soft protest as he withdrew from inside her and flopped onto his back. She rolled over to rub her hand on his belly. "You know I've never been late to work before," she commented, breathing heavily but immensely satisfied.

He smiled at that. "There's always a first time for everything, Joss."

She pressed a kiss to his lips before leaning back. "I'm going to take a shower. Would you like to join me?"

"Let me think about it…yes," he said eagerly as he slowly rose up alongside her.

"No sex though." she stipulated. "I'm already late and I'm not going to be super late or I'll never hear the damn end of it from Fusco."

"Oh, then maybe I should take one later. Having you naked and wet against me is not good for my libido. You can't expect me to behave," he muttered as he flopped back down on her bed.

She rolled her eyes. "Like it's all that easy to have you wet and naked against me," she retorted but slid from bed, her legs still felt like jelly from that orgasm. "You can stay the day you know; you don't have to slip out the back door and pretend you never were here. My son is nearly eighteen so I don't expect him to believe we aren't having a physical relationship."

John yawned again as he nodded. "Alright," he agreed hesitantly, however she wanted to play it with her son than he'd follow her lead.

Joss leaned down and kissed him on the lips lightly once more. "Kissing you now just in case you fall asleep the moment I enter the bathroom since you look tired. See you later tonight?"

"Unless there is a new number, and I'll make it up for missing our second attempt at a first date."

"Someone's life is more important than dinner, John, I know who and what you are. It's why I care about you," she reassured him gently as she rubbed a finger on his chin. She wanted to say 'it's why I love you' but why ruin such a nice moment with a premature declaration. "Now sleep, and that's an order!" she stated and pressed another small kiss to his lips again and pulled away to hurry to her bathroom.

"Yes ma'am," he purred and he was asleep the moment his head hit her pillow.

* * *

AN: If you have been patiently waiting for some Taylor/John fluff it's coming next ;D I just adore Taylor/Joss and Taylor/John stuff.

Thanks for reading!


	11. Guy Talk

_**AN: Sorry guys, Comcast trying to fix a problem chewed up 4 days (and hours of stress headaches with their customer service from hell) and my dog was sick for 2 meant I had little time to post and this is the earliest I got a chance to. Thanks for being patient.**_

* * *

John exited Joss's bedroom later in the morning, showered and dressed. Too bad he didn't have his razor here so he could get rid of his two day old stubble; his face was beginning to itch. He took the stairs slowly unsure if Taylor was home or already left for school. "Already staying over huh?" John shifted his gaze instantly to where he heard Taylor's voice: the kitchen. He was leaning against the wall and eyeing the stairs, munching on a sandwich. "It's PB and J, would you like one?—my mom says I make mean ones," Taylor offered.

He felt a smile twitch on his lips, was there any way to mess it up? But he didn't comment on that but rather said; "I haven't had one of those since I was about your age."

Taylor's eyes nearly bugged out of his face. "Seriously?"

John slowly entered the kitchen as he followed the teen who promptly pulled out two slices of bread. "Do you like crunchy or creamy peanut butter?" Taylor asked distractedly as he moved to the pantry.

"Creamy…"

Taylor looked over his shoulder with a smirk. "My mom does too. I'm the crunchy lover," he admitted before pulling out the creamy peanut butter. He was trying to make John comfortable, who looked ready to bolt out the door. His mom had told him about John yesterday, about finding him after the failed attempt at dinner and that they decided to try a relationship. He was happy because John was a good guy and his mom deserved nothing but the best.

He finished making John's sandwich and waited with bated breath as the man took a bite. He saw the look on John's face and smiled. John liked his sandwich. "Your mother is right Taylor, you do make mean peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," he admitted.

"Thanks…"

They both ate quietly. This was new territory for them both; his mom never had a guy stay over before. He met Cal once and that was it. But John was different. He wasn't just some guy she was seeing; John was _the_ guy who probably didn't know he was _the_ guy.

"How's school?" John inquired and smiled a little when he was met with a groan only a teenager sick of school could make.

"Same, I can't wait to graduate, though I think mom can," Taylor muttered with an exaggerated sigh. "I think sometimes my mom regrets not being around much when I was growing up because she had to work so hard," he admitted thoughtfully as he munched on his own sandwich. But he turned out okay. Sure he didn't have the conventional upbringing but he wouldn't trade it for the world. His mom was his hero.

John nodded. "Being a single mother is hard. But at least you have your dad now, better late than never."

"I take it you were raised by a single mom too," Taylor said gently.

"Yea, my father died when I was eleven."

Taylor smiled around his food at the fact that Mr. Badass actually answered. He didn't expect it. John didn't like talking much about his past. They played one-on-one basketball at least once a month or more often when they could, and John would always kick his ass too. It stung his ego to have a guy in his early forties just run circles around him and hit threes from anywhere on the court while he couldn't hit the broadside of a barn, but it was a fun escape. Sometimes they would collect a crowd of girls ranging from old to young, but sometimes it was quiet and just them. During those times they usually talked about school, what he wanted to do as for a career, sports, and other things. But not once did John ever talk about his past and anytime Taylor got too close John switched the subject.

John didn't add anything further as he quietly ate the sandwich. "Do you need a ride to school?" he asked gently after polishing off the sandwich in record time, moving to the refrigerator to get something to drink. He'd forgotten how good a peanut butter and jelly tasted that was made on fresh soft bread, crust and all.

"If you wouldn't mind it sure beat out having to take the subway there," Taylor murmured as he finished his own sandwich. They walked together with bottled waters before Taylor paused to collect his backpack as John tugged his coat on. "For what it's worth, John, I think you and my mom belong together."

John stopped short as the boy locked up the house and turned to face Taylor directly, who just smiled as he said; "You guys weren't smooth around each other, John. My mom would watch you when you weren't looking, and you…you were the worst one for that. I swear a bomb could go off and it still wouldn't make you stop watching her."

"Teenagers are the worst know-it-alls," John grumbled as he turned to head down the front stoop with the teen at his side. Taylor laughed but John sighed as he saw Shaw leaning up against his car with her hands in her pockets in her long wool coat, her hair pulled back, and smirk residing on her otherwise emotionless face. He should have known that Shaw was going to pull such a stunt.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" she asked trying to imitate innocence but failed miserably.

"Who are you?" Taylor asked. Judging from John's look of annoyance it was someone he knew and didn't want here.

"Taylor this is Shaw, she's a…a friend of mine and your mother's. Shaw this is Taylor, Carter's son."

Shaw eyed the hand the young kid held out before taking it. Carter's kid sure was a looker. Her dark gaze slid onto Reese as she grinned at the annoyed look on his face. "So you and Carter, eh?—when were you planning on sharing with the class?"

"I figured you would sleep in this morning, Shaw." he said instead of answering her. He sure wished he could wipe the smug look off the tiny assassin's face.

She shrugged as she made no attempt at moving from against his car door after letting go of the teen's hand. "A mystery needed to be solved first, now that I know you're doing Carter I can get back to my life of not caring," she answered dryly.

"Ugh, T-M-I, Shaw, T-M-I," Taylor complained mildly before stepping back.

Shaw eyed Taylor sharply. "What does that mean?"

"Too much information," he retorted ruefully before turning his gaze onto John. "I'm just going to take the subway, but thanks, John."

He watched as the kid turned and headed off leaving him with Shaw alone. John looked at Shaw. "Why do you care about Carter and me?" he asked with a heavy sigh.

She snorted. "I don't. Not about you and Carter anyway; but there is a steak dinner up in the air and I figured if Carter is being happily banged by you then I'll get that steak dinner that you almost cost me."

He called for all his patience he ever learned through his numerous years in the Army. "Shaw, I'll buy you ten steak dinners if you promise to keep your nose out of my business with Carter from now on," he bartered. If there was anything he had learned about Sameen Shaw in the few months of knowing her it was that food seemed to be her first and last thought of the day.

Shaw shook her head. "As tempting as that offer is, I'll pass. I never promise anything unless I know I can keep it and, besides, it's your fault anyway," she murmured as she shifted away from the car.

"My fault?—how is your inability to keep out of my and Carter's business my fault?" he demanded.

Shaw shrugged. "You're the one that told me you put trackers on your friends so you don't lose them. So thanks for the idea," she stated with a dark chuckle.

John glared at her back as she moved to her own car. "Shaw," he called out, not about to let her have the last word. She turned to look back at him. "It's good to know you think of me as a friend. I'm touched," he deadpanned. He watched the small woman's face scrunch up into a scowl as he climbed into his car to drive away.

* * *

They fell into a comfortable rhythm. It wasn't all work and no play for her and John because in between working her cases and helping him with his numbers; they found time to spend together romantically. They would have dinner at her place as she had yet been given an invitation to his. Joss finally got a dinner date at a nice Italian place and alone, without their friends, and it was fun to get all dolled up for John. It was like before when they were just friends but better. Not just because of getting to kiss him whenever and wherever she pleased, or the out-of-this-world sex even though those both were amazing bonuses but because John was slowly opening himself up to her. It was slow but gradual and she was honored to be bestowed with such a wonderful gift of knowing the _real_ John, not the one that everyone else saw.

Also John was so damn touchy when they were alone. He was always touching her now and she loved his inability to stop. If he wasn't rubbing or holding her hand it would be a soft touch to her hip, if not the hip then he was resting a hand on her thigh or her butt. At night he would hold her all night and not let go, not that she wanted him too. And since the change of their status from friends to more he had spent every night at her place regardless if her son was there or not. So with that in mind Joss had made a drawer in her dresser empty and made space in her closet so he could keep some clothes here. And he did. He had a few pairs of boxer-briefs, dress pants, jeans, undershirts, and his crisp white dress shirts in her room. But it didn't end with just her bedroom because her bathroom was full of his cologne, aftershave, razor, shaving gel, comb, and everything else in there that mixed with her things creating a mess on the countertop but she loved the chaos. She loved having to sift through his things to find hers. It felt so natural and meant to be.

Their friends learned the truth rather quickly and after pleading with Shaw to not say or do anything that would jeopardize the budding relationship between her and John; things were quiet thankfully. Root had been smug on the machine's behalf which was the only time she had mentioned it which left both her and John grateful. Joss didn't need Finch to say a word to know that he was ecstatic about the shift in their relationship.

Christmas was going to be interesting. It was blatantly clear that John hadn't celebrated the holiday—or any holiday—in a very long time and was a little rusty. John had tried to pull a Houdini when she told him that she and Taylor were going to decorate their place for Christmas or at least he tried until she ordered him to stay to help. Usually it was only her and Taylor, so it was nice to have an extra pair of hands to put lights up on her front stoop. Once that was complete she put the men to work by having them put up the artificial tree and decorate it while she got to work on baking her Christmas cookies. Joss rarely did any kind of baking except for this time of the year. She would always make her signature Santa sugar cookies and even go all out and use colored icing to make them really come alive. It took a while but the smile on her son's face was enough to make it worthwhile. And this year it included a smiling face of John too, who eyed the cookies with that beautiful genuine smile that she was getting to see more and more often.

But gifting John was going to be damn well near impossible. Her son was easy: clothes, video games, and a new Apple iPad. But John…what did you get a man who didn't want a single damn thing? John wasn't exactly huge on material possessions. Taylor and she had spent an entire Saturday afternoon shopping for him and nearly came empty handed. Her boy resignedly got John some cologne and a couple of giftcards to restaurants while she got John a new leather bomber and a few shirts that weren't dress shirts. But the clothes was just a prelude to something better….but just what? Joss sat long and hard trying to think up an idea of what to get John and finally came up with one when she noticed something John did in her home a lot. Now that she had an idea there was only one person who could help her.

Finch.

She entered the small diner that her peculiar friend agreed to meet her at. Joss smiled as she saw him seated, looking out of place in such a casual diner in his three piece suit that probably cost more than a year's worth of her salary, in the back booth eating what appeared to be eggs Benedict. "Good morning, Finch," she greeted as she slid into the seat across from him.

A waitress appeared at her side. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Coffee," she ordered with a smile. The waitress nodded and was gone in a flash. Joss focused her gaze on her friend. "So how did you manage to evade John's questions about where you were going without him being suspicious?" she wondered out loud.

Harold smiled. "I told him I was having brunch with a colleague and if I wanted to keep up pretenses that Harold Wren was a real living breathing person I had to be there, so he and Ms. Shaw must handle their new number on their own for the time being," he explained logically.

The waitress appeared with her coffee but left instantly once she realized she wasn't ordering any food. Joss got right to business. "I asked you here for a favor Harold,"

"I figured as much and I suspect it has to do with John or you wouldn't have cared if he knew we were meeting for brunch or not," Harold agreed. In fact he was sure that she would want John there. Since the two began dating they had been pretty much inseparable.

"It's nothing bad. It's for John's Christmas gift actually. I've struggled to think up anything that he could possibly want. John's not exactly a material possession kind of guy," she muttered wryly.

Harold smiled a little. "No, John most certainly isn't one to hold much value to material possessions," he agreed equally amused.

"But I think I finally managed to come up with something but I'll need your help."

"Anything Jocelyn," he assured quickly. Jocelyn rarely asked for help and he was grateful that she trusted him enough to help her with whatever she needed.

Joss worried her lip as she remained quiet for a few moments. "Before you agree, Harold, you should know up front that what I need you to do isn't legal. I need your expertise…with computers. I need you to hack government files," she said lowly to keep the conversation between them.

Finch didn't even bother to hide his surprise as his eggs comically fell off the fork as he held it halfway to his mouth. "I beg your pardon," he said in disbelief. The detective…was asking him to commit a crime?

Joss leaned over her coffee cup. "I need you to hack the CIA to find out where they shipped John's belongings when he was 'officially' deceased due to their hand. There's no guarantee that they still have his things but there is a chance, so I got to try and I need your help," she replied simply. She knew that this was a lot to ask of anyone but if there was anyone that she trusted to get what she needed quickly and without drawing attention to himself it was Finch. John had told her all about being burned by the CIA and what happened with Kara. It still hurt to think that had he not realized what was going on after Kara shot him that he might have been inside the building that exploded…

"May I ask what is it that you're looking for, Jocelyn?" Harold asked. While hacking the CIA wasn't new for him, being asked to by Jocelyn was.

"Pictures, I know about what happened to his family back from when I ran his name after investigating the Arndt case with Donnelly." she remarked. She didn't include the fact that after Jean got her John's name she had run him through the database and found out who he was before he became John Reese, CIA agent. "I watch him eye my pictures of me and Taylor on my mantle and it got me to thinking that perhaps he might have some old family photos of his parents and of himself that are lost to him right now. If I could somehow find them then I could make a scrapbook with them for Christmas and it would be a special gift that is better than anything I could ever find at a store."

It was no wonder John had fallen in love with the detective; she was truly a very beautiful soul. She wanted to get John something better than anything money could buy. "I can help you, Detective." Harold reassured. "But let me finish my brunch first before we head to Times Square."

"Why there?"

His lips twitched up into a smile. "Well, when you're hacking a government agency you want as many people around as possible so you can have some anonymity," he replied seriously.

"Oh…"

With that they fell into silence as she sipped her coffee and he finished his meal.

* * *

AN: If you guys are waiting for a mushy sweetness than the next chapter is for you! Thanks for reading!


	12. I Love You

Joss yawned as she started to brew a pot of coffee. It was necessary this fine Christmas Day morning. They had gone to bed late putting all the presents under the tree. Well, all except for one for John from her but that was special and she was going to give it to him alone, so that one was hidden away. Taylor was going to split today with her and Paul. Morning and most of the afternoon was going to be spent with them just hanging out, while the rest would be spent with Paul.

Joss and her son had done a video call with her mother on Christmas Eve, who had decided to move to Florida after last winter's frigid weather. Afterwards, the three of them had gone out to a restaurant to spend some time with Harold, Shaw, Fusco, and Root for the holiday. It was nice that they all could go out to have dinner. Everyone treated her boy well and like one of the guys so her low opinion of Root ticked up a notch. Fortunately, it seemed that criminals were taking the holidays off…thankfully. She didn't really feel like sharing John with the low lives of New York on their first Christmas together as a couple.

But for the life of her she hadn't been able to sleep feeling like a damn kid again with wanting Christmas morning to come quickly; but instead of being anxious to open presents, she was anxious to see John open presents. Joss couldn't stop thinking of how he'd react and the more she thought about it the more sleep eluded her. So instead she had just lied in his arms and listened to him sleep.

She turned when she heard movement behind her in the kitchen and found it was Taylor who was up and not John. "What are you doing up so early baby?" she asked as strode over to hug him.

"Couldn't sleep," he muttered.

"Merry Christmas, Taylor," she said warmly as she pressed a warm kiss to his forehead.

"Merry Christmas, mom," he responded instantly as he wrapped his long muscled arms around her. "So is John awake yet?"

She leaned back to smirk. "You're up early for the same reason I am, aren't you?"

"If it to see how John reacts to Christmas morning then yes, we are," Taylor replied. "I mean it's clear he hasn't celebrated one in a while."

"I know. I'll go wake him up." she murmured with a smirk. "That way we can get a jump on present opening."

Taylor laughed as he turned to the cupboard to pull out three mugs for them all the while yawning. Joss turned on her heel to head for the foyer. She took the stairs quickly and entered her bedroom where John was sound asleep still. She tiptoed to her closet and tugged out a colorful Christmas bag that held a present John needed for this morning due to his desire to sleep in the nude. Joss set it on the floor before lifting the comforter and slid in behind him and wrapped her arms around him as she leaned up so her mouth was near his ear.

"John," she whispered softly as she pressed a gentle kiss to the shell of his ear. "John, wake up…" He mumbled something as he stirred instantly. "John," she practically sang. "Wake up," she added a pinch to his left butt-cheek.

"mmm…" he sounded, as he shifted his head to crack an eyelid open to peer at her.

"Merry Christmas!" she said loudly with full of joy.

He yawned hugely. "Merry Christmas," he responded sleepily. John looked at the alarm clock and groaned. "It's barely seven o'clock, Joss."

She chuckled. "Well Taylor and I both couldn't sleep, so we figured to wake you up and get a move on opening presents. Besides you don't seem to mind when I wake you up early for other activities," she reminded coyly.

"Yea because 'other activities' means sex," he grumbled as he sat up with her and blinked away the sleep, rubbing his eyes.

Joss pressed a soft kiss to his lips as she turned and grabbed the gift bag and set it on his lap. "An early present," she explained.

He frowned as he eyed the bag and then her. "Shouldn't we wait?"

"No, trust me and open it. I didn't even really wrap it." she instructed with impatience, nudging the bag closer to him. Now that he was awake she wanted him dressed and downstairs. He did as she asked and smirked as he pulled out a pair of red and green plaid flannel pajama pants. "Now you are ready to open presents."

"You know I'll only wear these to open presents right?"

"Uh, who says I'm unhappy about you sleeping in the nude because I'm not. But you can't go downstairs naked or dressed like the man-in-the-suit. My son is wearing a similar pair and I got my own colorful jammies on. It's tradition." Joss said as she motioned to her brightly patterned Christmas bulbs pants and top.

"I'll be down in a few minutes." he muttered, needing to use the restroom and brush his teeth.

She grinned and kissed him swiftly and hopped off the bed and sped out, leaving John to watch her. He shook his head gently at how excited she was. John had never seen her look so giddy before and he didn't want to disappoint her. He flipped the comforter off him and headed for the bathroom.

Once downstairs in his white undershirt and the new pajama pants that were awfully loud for his liking, he saw that Joss hadn't been kidding when she said her son had a similar pair; in fact, had the exact same pair! "Merry Christmas, John," Taylor greeted happily.

"Merry Christmas, Taylor, I see your mother bought you one of these horrible pair of pajamas too." he murmured as he took the mug of coffee Joss handed him.

"Yep, I always wear these for present opening Christmas morning,"Taylor agreed with a smile.

John let them lead him to the living room and allowed Joss to point out where she wanted everyone to sit. "Taylor is first." she announced as she bent down near the tree and rummaged around searching for all her boy's presents.

Taylor greedily began tearing into present after present. Joss decided to keep John's gifts to the boy last because John had been secretive over what he got for him so it would be a surprise for her as well. After Taylor opened several gifts that were shirts, DVDs, and video games she gave him the new tablet to open.

"Oh my god mom, thank you!" he cried in happiness as he pulled out the brand new Apple iPad from the bright red Santa wrapping paper. "I've been bugging you for this for like a month!"

"I know," she agreed with a laugh as she sat on the armrest as John rubbed her hip absently.

Once Taylor opened every present from her it was time for John's gifts. There were two, rather shabbily, wrapped presents that left her feeling stupidly emotional over the fact that John had taken the time to wrap their gifts himself rather than have a company do it for him. She grabbed the small rectangular present that felt rather light and held it out to Taylor.

John felt a little apprehensive now as they arrived at his gifts. He didn't know what to gift a teenage boy who was nearly a legal adult but thankfully due to their many conversations they had shared during their one-on-one games he had known some of the boy's interests. But there was still that little shred of doubt that he wasn't cut out for this and that the boy wasn't going to like what he got and have to be polite.

Taylor watched John covertly as he tore into the small gift quickly before opening the small box he figured housed a gift-card or two, but nearly jumped off the couch in startled elation from what he saw instead. "No freaking way!" he said loudly as he looked up at John. "You didn't!"

Joss frowned and asked; "John didn't what?"

"He got me front row tickets and back stage passes to the Jay-Z concert that sold out in minutes!" Taylor exclaimed as he held up the tickets and passes in his hand for his mom to see. "Thank you so much, John!"

"You're welcome," John mumbled quietly.

Joss shifted her gaze off his son and onto John who had gone shy all of a sudden. "How did you manage to pull off that feat?" she demanded. Taylor had been bummed for an entire week that he missed getting tickets by minutes.

John shrugged. "A magician never reveals his secret," he replied innocently with a wink before sipping his coffee.

"Okay, how about how you even knew Tay likes Jay-Z's music?" she wondered.

"We talk about things when we play basketball, mom. It's not all just hoops for us," Taylor said with a laugh.

"Oh, so you boys talk during those games huh? So, what else did you two talk about besides music?" she asked trying, not subtly, to find out if they talked about her.

Taylor shared a look with John before answering with; "Guy stuff."

She quirked a brow up at that rather ambiguous answer. "Guy stuff?—care to elaborate on what that exactly means?" she questioned, her curiosity peaked.

"Sorry mom, guy stuff is between us guys," Taylor replied with mischief sparkling in his dark eyes. "But don't worry we didn't talk about you…much."

Joss harrumphed as she shot her son her best 'mom glare' she had in her repertoire before getting up to get Taylor's last gift. She'd work on her boy when John wasn't around. Now that she knew that they talked about her she wanted to know what was said. But she focused on gift giving for now; "Well whatever this is, John, I'm sorry to say that it will now pale in comparison to those tickets, so don't take any offense," she teased as she set the much larger rectangular box that anyone with eyes could tell was for clothes onto Taylor's lap.

Taylor took the last present and still smiling as he eyed the tickets and passes John got him. "I don't even care if this is an empty box, those tickets and passes just made my year!"

"I'll have to remember that for next year," John replied dryly.

Joss couldn't even stop the grin that filled her face or the ridiculous flip flop her heart did at that comment. She loved that it was so easy for John to say something about their future…together.

Taylor opened his final gift and smiled happily again. "I don't know, maybe this does top the tickets." he said as he pulled out the jersey for Carmelo Anthony who was his favorite basketball player. Joss's eyes widened as she saw it was signed by the man on the back.

"Look on the back," John instructed.

Taylor did and shouted, "It's signed too!"

"You can thank Harold for that. He realized why I purchased the jersey and he pulled some strings to visit the team to have Mr. Anthony sign it."

Taylor got up and first hugged his mom and then John. "Thank you guys; I love everything so much." he said appreciatively. "And now it's mom's turn. Sorry, John, you're last." he added as he moved to the tree and grabbed first the gifts he got his mom.

She greedily ripped into her gifts extremely happy with the lavender colored and soft cashmere sweater that had to take up most of her son's allotment of Christmas money for her, the wonderful dress shirts her boy found her for work that would go well with any of her pantsuits, and the sweetest smelling perfume he always got her every Christmas. Taylor grabbed John's next for her to open and handed her the bigger of the two first.

Joss eyed John who once more looked apprehensive. God he was so cute. She was going to love whatever he got her just as her son did. She tore open the paper and found a case and knew instantly what it was. Joss hastily undid the snaps and opened the case and found the Nano she had been wanting for like forever.

"You got me the Nano," she murmured admiringly as she picked up her brand new piece to ooh at the beautiful metal before looking at John.

He shrugged as he smiled. "I recall how excited you were when Shaw let you hold hers, so I couldn't resist getting you one."

"I love it, thank you." she assured him affectionately as she bent and kissed him lightly and not for too long. She didn't want to embarrass her son.

Taylor cleared his throat as he held out the last gift for his mom. "This is your last gift mom."

She nodded as she took it after setting the gun safely back away into its case. This last gift was a small square box and wasn't too thick. Joss slowly pulled the paper off and her breath lodged in her throat when the blue velvet box came in view. She glared at John.

"Open it, Joss…."

"I'm not sure I can. I know you. You probably paid an arm and a leg for it. Those front row tickets with backstage passes and that jersey cost a lot. The Nano wasn't some chump change either and now this," she rebuked, as the blue velvet box remained unopened.

John stared at her. "Open my gift, Joss, please…"

Taylor could see his mom was warring with herself; she was excited by the extravagant gift but also the other part of her, the more practical side of her, was irritated he spent so much money on them. "Come on mom, open it, cut John some slack; this is his first Christmas in a long time and he wanted to go all out and splurge on us," Taylor urged.

Joss sighed. Taylor was right. This was John's first Christmas and probably wanted to get them things that they didn't get for themselves. And she could honestly say she rarely bought any kind of fancy jewelry. Most of hers was fashion jewelry that cost less than twenty bucks and could be found at any Walmart because of work. It was fashionable but if it got broken or lost then she wouldn't lose sleep over it. But Joss finally opened the velvet box, praying that whatever she would find wouldn't look like he looted a bank to afford it, and nearly dropped the thing when she saw the absolutely gorgeous sparkling necklace.

"Oh my god," she whispered. Taylor peered over her shoulder to see it too. It was a bezel set diamond chain necklace that was in yellow gold—her preference—that had eight flawless round diamonds. The chain was thin and dainty. The necklace was just a glittering, beautiful masterpiece.

John shifted uncomfortably unsure if she liked it. The moment he saw the necklace in the glass case he had known it would look perfect on Joss but that didn't mean she shared that opinion. "The salesman assured me it could be worn for casual wear with anything but if you don't like it…"

"Don't like it?" she repeated as if the words lost all meaning. "I love it," she murmured softly unable to lift her gaze as she ran a soft finger over the fragile necklace in a sweet caress. Joss forced her gaze up to stare into his incandescent blue eyes that couldn't hide how hopeful he was that she liked what he got her. "It's the most beautiful necklace I've ever seen. Now help me put it on," she instructed.

Taylor took John's coffee as he helped his mom with the necklace and, once in place, it looked perfect. Joss fingered the necklace once more, but this time, around her neck, before looking at John. "Thank you, it's stunning," she whispered as she leaned over and kissed him again but this time she lingered letting her lips lovingly sweep across his.

John pulled back to say; "There is nothing on Earth that is more stunning than you are," and Joss couldn't believe it but she became one of those women because she literally swooned. Her heart skipped a beat as she melted into him.

Taylor laughed to himself as he moved back to the Christmas tree to get John's gifts. Mr. Badass had a way with words but he knew it wasn't a line because John meant every word. "It's your turn now, John," he said giddily. Taylor handed him the small gift from him first. "Before you open your gifts; you have to remember you're like the most impossible person to shop for."

"Whatever you got is fine, Taylor," John assured him.

Joss could barely contain her excitement over watching John open presents. It was what she had been waiting for all night. And she watched as John tore into the wrapping paper with gusto. It had been a toss of a coin if John would be slow and meticulous or fast and furious. And now she had her answer: fast and furious, good to know he reserved slow and meticulous in the bedroom as he built the tension inside her up to a crescendo before he entered her. She shifted on the arm rest as her thoughts drifted to unwanted territory.

John smiled as he opened the small red box that housed a gift card to his favorite Chinese restaurant. "This is great, Taylor," he reassured the teen.

He finished opening Taylor's gifts of cologne, another gift card, and some of her shirts she got him when she plopped the last one under the tree on his lap. "Okay last one…" she said. Well, for now anyway.

He ripped open the paper and opened the large box and smiled when he saw the black leather coat there. He pulled it out and saw it was a bomber jacket and underneath it there was a beanie and some new leather gloves too.

"Just for when you're kicking ass during the cooler months, you can do it in style," she teased.

"Thank you, both of you, this is the best Christmas I've had in a very long time," he said softly, sincerely, and his eyes swam with some unknown emotion.

She wound her arms around his neck as she leaned into him and no one said anything because there was nothing that needed too.

* * *

They ate leftovers from the night before for dinner; neither one of them in the mood to cook. After they opened gifts they had eaten breakfast and just conversed for a while before her boy had to leave to go be with Paul. Taylor even talked John into trying a video game which was full of hilarity. It was the new racing game she had just purchased for him for Christmas. John, simply put, was horrible at the game. He drove the car down the track backwards and came in dead last. The usual tension that lined John's body had taken a vacation and it had been so wonderful to see. He wore jeans and the soft dark gray Henley long sleeve fitted shirt that she got him for Christmas. John looked so hot. But more than that there were no harsh lines of guilt or fatigue on his face, no hardness in his eyes, no stiffness to his posture as if searching for a threat. It was simply John being able to enjoy himself with them.

Joss had changed into black leggings and wore her new cashmere sweater from her son and the necklace John had gotten her was neatly on her neck where it would be for years to come. She had done very little makeup and was just grateful that they could spend this day lounging around her place without any interruptions. They were currently on the couch and she sat curled up beside John with her legs on his lap as they watched mindless television, or rather John did, because she watched him.

John finally noticed her unrelenting gaze. "We can turn the channel if you're bored though there doesn't seem to be much on." he offered with a soft rub of her shin.

She teased her fingers through his hair. "Who says I was bored?" she asked with a fond smile. "You're far more fascinating than anything on television."

"Oh?—well I can guarantee you the same can be said about you, Joss," he replied as he lifted his hand to cup the back of her neck to gently pull her face close to his. He pressed his lips against hers in the world's briefest kiss before taking nibbling little bites at her jawline. "Definitely more interesting than TV," he muttered gruffly before dipping down for another kiss that she ducked out of.

Joss scampered off him and the couch and put her hands on her hips. "Hold this thought; I want to give you something," she said as she licked her lips. "Now, stay put and I'll be right back."

She was gone and back in moments with her special present for him. She carried it walking bull-legged as the gift was heavy and large, so it made carrying it awkward. "I have one more present I wanted to give you and I think now is the perfect time."

He frowned. "I thought the gift giving was done," he murmured as he looked at the rather odd shaped gift. It looked like the old houses he used to draw when he was a kid; a giant triangle for the roof and a rectangular shape house. The gift wrapped in simple green wrapping paper was similar in shape. It was triangular at the top and bulged out a good five feet and was rectangular for the rest.

"We were….and now we aren't," she responded breezily as she set the large gift down on the couch beside him gently. "Once this is opened then we are."

John searched her face and saw something in her eyes. She was nervous. Joss was nervous about this gift that she got him. He sat forward and picked up the large and slightly heavy gift to set it between his legs on the floor. The gift was truly large; as it sat on the floor the top of the gift was eye level. It was big but not thick. He frowned as he tried to figure out what it was before opening it but hadn't a clue. John eyed her for a moment before ripping at the paper. His breath caught as his heart raced as he came face to face with something he hadn't been expecting to see ever again.

Inside the wrapping paper was a large mahogany shadow box that was separated in three sections; at the top inside the triangular section was the ceremonial folded flag that was given when his father died. Beneath the flag engraved in the rich mahogany read his father's name, along with the branch of military he served, and his birthdate and death. Underneath that, in the next section, was John's neatly pressed, folded and prominently displayed military jacket along with all his medals he accrued during his time of service before he was recruited by the CIA. John swallowed hard at the engraving of his real name, the branch of military he served along with his birthdate. And in the final section of the beautifully crafted shadow box was a set of three pictures in white picture frames against the dark blue background of his parents at their wedding in the middle, his graduation photo on the left, and a picture of him at his thirteenth birthday hugging his mother.

Joss watched John as he stared at his gift as he absently rubbed his fingers over the engraving of his father's name. She felt anxious to know if he liked what she did or not. "It's a custom shadow box that I ordered." she said hurriedly to explain. "I included the few photos I could find of your parents that you had to complete everything." she added when he didn't look up nor say a word.

When he still said nothing Joss sat down beside him and touched his knee. "John?—do you like it?" she asked as she bit her lower lip in consternation. Maybe this was too much for him too soon.

He looked up and she saw the tears in his eyes and watched them fall freely down his cheeks. Joss lifted her hand to rub them away. "I love it," he whispered, choking.

All her worries faded and she wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes as he held her tightly. "I'm glad; you had me worried there for a moment that you hated it."

He leaned back and stared down at the shadow box before looking at her again. "How?"

"I had some help from Finch. I asked him to hack the CIA to find your belongings; thankfully they still had them stored in some dusty old storage locker. Harold had your things shipped to a storage unit under an alias that can't be traced back to us. And once I had the things I wanted to put in that shadow box I custom ordered this frame with very specific dimensions and added the laser engravings." she explained.

John looked back down at the gift. "I never thought I'd ever see my jacket ever again. I never thought I'd want to," he murmured roughly before getting up to set the special gift onto the sofa chair, propped up against the back so that it wouldn't fall.

She nodded as he sat back down beside her. She knew why. Because John believed that man was gone, that man was dead the moment he signed up for the CIA. But she knew better. John was forever and always would be a good man.

"John, look at me please," she requested. He did but slowly. She waited until she had his sole attention before speaking once more; "I know you feel like the man that wore that jacket, that received that Purple Heart, is gone but he's not. John, you're a good man that I love very much."

His eyes widened at the sweet declaration but she put her finger to his lips to keep him quiet. "Don't be afraid of the fact that I love you. And don't think you need to say it back when you're not ready to. I just wanted you to know," she reassured him.

She watched him watch her with so many emotions that she couldn't keep up with them before it didn't matter because he grabbed her cheeks and took her lips with his in a passionate and hot kiss. Joss felt the electricity that his touch caused course through her body. She gripped his strong shoulder as she kissed him back as they edged closer yet. The warm swipe of his tongue at the seam of her lips, seeking entrance was intoxicating, and she granted him his wish as she opened her mouth wide and was rewarded with his tongue plunging deep into her waiting mouth. She moaned as he pulled her onto his lap and his hands were on her ass pressing her down on him.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as she leaned into him as he leaned back against the couch as they kissed desperately…savagely. His hands lifted from her ass to fist a hand in her hair tightly while the other cupped her cheek. The need ebbing out of John was gratifying and sexy. She loved that she made him lose control. He released her lips to sprinkle chaste kisses to her jaw, chin, and lips before letting his mouth dip to her neck, where her pulse was imitating a snare drum at a rock concert, latching his mouth there and sucked.

Joss groaned as she rocked her hips to rub against the hard bulge pressing up against her intimately at the subtle pain at her neck that he soothed with his tongue. "God, John," she whimpered as she pressed them together harder. The bulge in his pants was growing at a fast rate, possibly quicker than the wetness soaking her panties inside out. The ache in her pussy was throbbing and she rotated her hips trying to alleviate the tension mounting inside her.

She jabbed her hands through his hair scraping his scalp as she was surely going to be left with a mark on her neck and hissed in unexpected pleasure as John's teeth grazed her collarbone sending shivers down her spine. "Do that again," she begged throatily.

John instantly repeated the action but harder and she gasped as she tugged on his hair so that she could crush her mouth against his, thrusting her tongue deep into his mouth. His hands moved to lift her sweater up, clearly wanting to get to her skin. She forced herself to stop kissing him long enough to lift her arms up and rid herself of her new favorite sweater.

Her hands quickly tugged at his shirt wanting it off too. As hot as he was in it she wanted him out of it. John whipped it over his head without hesitation before undoing the clasp to her bra flinging it on the floor with their shirts. John bent his head and quickly took a nipple into his mouth and greedily sucked all the while lifting her and laying her down on her back beneath him on the couch.

Her back arched pressing more of her into his mouth as she moaned his name as she raked her nails up the curvature of his spine loving how warm his soft skin was. His mouth was heaven on her aching breasts and she dug her nails into his back as he sucked harder, drawing on her nipple hungrily. Her hips jerked up as his hands ran down over them before slipping under her to tilt her butt up so they fit snugly together.

Finally John released her aching and thoroughly loved breast from his mouth to simply shower the other one with the same attention. "John," she panted shortly but really had no idea what she wanted to say. Truly, she was lost in the sensations that were wracking her body everywhere at once.

He sat back to undo her pants and she lifted her hips as he tugged her jeans and panties off together. John stood to undo his own pushing them down so he stood naked as she was before kneeling one knee on the couch and braced his other leg on the floor while he stood poised between her spread legs with his dick erect and ready for her.

"I'm sorry Joss but I can't wait…" he whispered raggedly as she lifted her hips eagerly and he eased himself inside her. Joss was so wet from his loving that he sunk into her with barely having to move his hips.

She gasped as his massive length filled her on one long thrust. John's hands shifted to her hips and lifted them further so that her upper back, shoulders, and her head rested solely on the couch as he began moving inside her slowly at first making sure she felt every single amazing inch of him inside her.

Joss moaned his name as she grabbed his forearms digging her nails into his skin as he drove into her over and over again, simply holding her for his merciless fucking. But his urgency fled and suddenly his strokes that were hard, deep, and fast became hard, deep but slow. So goddamn slow as John pushed his thick and long cock in, and in, and in; before slowly drawing out and out, out, and then back in to the point of her feeling stuffed full of him with his balls resting against her butt gently. It felt like he was touching every single inch of her pussy, loving it, cherishing it, and owning it. John was slowly possessing her as if infiltrating her entire soul boldly without a care if she knew what he was doing or not, and she loved it. Because it was as if they had become one, but yet he somehow managed to leave her solely intact. She was still Joss; still Joss who was in love with a man who couldn't find the will to love himself.

She twisted this way and that before the fire inside her that was building to an inferno erupted without warning and she cried out his name as the orgasm rocked her. Her entire body shuddered as the spasms inside her pussy rippled throughout her body, her back arching as the pleasure was so intense that she thought she'd pass out from it, but at the same time she never wanted it to end.

John wasn't expecting her to climax yet. He usually could tell when she was close by the way she gripped him or her eyes would close with her mouth dropping open to moan his name. But this time she didn't do any of that. She came surprising her and him as her sex contracted around his causing his eyes to roll back in his head because the pleasure was exquisite. Her walls clenched around him tightly, squeezing, and made it damn near impossible to ignore his own orgasm that was setting fire in his genitals and belly.

His hips sped up in response as he stared down at her. He would give her anything. Anything she wanted it was hers all she had to do was ask. But the hungry grip her sex had on his was self-explanatory. After she floated back down from her climatic high her hands rubbed his chest, fingers flicking his hard nipples, before running down to just above where they were connected tickling his muscles.

He groaned as he clutched her hips tighter tilting her up so that he angled her differently so he could penetrate her slick folds deeper. "Joss you feel so good," he whispered harshly, out of breath. Beaded sweat slipped down his neck as his thrusts became frenzied and not well timed.

Joss could feel him getting close. His entire body was taut and his eyes were so dark that they rivaled hers.

His hips bucked against hers, pounding his straining cock inside her in hard ruthless strokes before he stiffened as he came with a soft cry of her name. Joss squeezed her thighs around him as she felt him filling her up with his warm liquid until he had nothing left. She held him deep inside her to milk every single moment of his orgasm.

They collapsed onto the couch with John's weight heavy on her as they panted and shook from their orgasms, their skin sticking to each other's from sweat. "I love you," he whispered in her ear breathlessly.

Joss felt the world spin on a new axis; one that didn't revolve around the sun but rather revolved around this man and how he made her feel as she squeezed her eyes closed to fight off the horde of tears that threatened at the soft spoken declaration, and simply held him tightly.

* * *

AN: We are about halfway (or a little further than halfway) so I want to thank all those guest reviewers that I can't personally thank individually for leaving a review! And as always I appreciate all of you guys for taking a moment to read my stories XOXO!


	13. All or Nothing

Joss lied in bed, tears still rolling down the sides of her face, seeping into her pillowcase. She was on her back staring up at the ceiling debating on whether or not she had the gumption to get up or just stay in bed and pretend everything was fine. And everything had been fine until it wasn't. John and she had spent the holidays together and grew even closer together. She had not been expecting an 'I love you' from John but she was pleasantly surprised with one. New Year's they had to spend it working a number, but together, and did manage to kiss at midnight while on the stakeout. Being out on a stakeout wasn't her idea of celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of a new one but at least they had been together.

But she had stupidly believed that nothing could pop their impenetrable bubble of happiness. Joss stupidly had forgotten that old cliché saying of 'all good things came to an end' because it hit her like a freight train. One moment she was happy and in love and the next she was miserable and well, still in love.

Joss grimaced as she gathered everything inside her and forced herself to roll out of bed, her hand unconsciously lifting to the necklace John gave her at Christmas still settled on her neck. It took a few minutes to get going; she was operating on twenty minutes of sleep. Collectively the last three days she probably had a couple hours of sleep. She rubbed at the mixture of moisture and crust in her eyes. Her nose felt stuffed from crying off and on.

She got to her feet and winced as her chest still smarted from where she took the bullet to her bulletproof vest. John and her friends had been working on a new number when she had gotten a call from Finch requesting some backup for John and Shaw. When she arrived she had gotten into the thick of things, and John tried to extract their number who had found herself a target from Vigilance because of mistaken identity, but failed. Their number was gunned down and John had ended up on his knees with the gun aimed at his head. Joss realized it and didn't even think twice as she dove in front of him and took the shot to her bulletproof vest. It had been instinctual. Collier had been kneecapped by Shaw before he could get away. But getting Collier didn't bring back Kathy Powell, who died for no reason and John blamed himself for not realizing Vigilance was behind the threat to her.

It wasn't until the next number that things blew up. John had been off since the loss of Powell and was acting extremely reckless, placing not only himself but also Shaw in harms' way. But when he showed up to her place with a sling on because he had hopped out of two story window with a gunman, her lid on her anger popped off. They had a war of a fight that began with her life was worth more than his and she should never have jumped in front of him taking the bullet and risking herself. That had royally pissed her off before their fight moved on with a more disturbing tone of John wanting to be the one dead in place of Powell, who they learned was four months pregnant. But their fight concluded with him leaving after stating that they were a mistake and they were over when she tried to convince him that he was a good man who cried for the loss and tried his hardest at saving the number. She knew deep down that John didn't really mean it; she knew that he loved her, and knew it was the anger and grief talking but still it hurt.

And since their fight John had been MIA and avoiding her. Her calls went to voicemail and weren't returned. It was three days and enough was enough! If he truly thought they were over and she'd just let him go after one fight or one sign of trouble then he was delusional. Love was messy and complicated; it was why it was amazing when you found the one you were meant to be with. And no matter what John felt at the moment they were damn well meant to be! She'd beat it into his thick skull if that's what she had to do.

Joss entered her bathroom as she removed her bed clothes as she went; before standing naked in front of the mirror and fingered the bruise on her chest. It was dark purple and hurt to touch while wondering if this was the reason John was trying to push her away. Joss refocused on getting ready for the day as she proceeded to brush her teeth, took her necklace off to take a much needed shower. She climbed out of the shower and removed her shower cap, dropping the towel after a quick rub down. After securing her necklace Joss raced to her dresser tugging out any kind of clothing, now realizing the time; angry that she was going to be late for breakfast that she asked for. She needed to meet with them and John before work. After getting dressed in record time, she rushed downstairs and was out of her home in a flash stomping her feet into her pumps and flinging her jacket on outside in the cold winter air.

She sped to the diner that Shaw chose and found herself only five minutes late. And as she entered it was probably for the best since the brunettes were there and already eating. Joss slid into the booth seat across from the pair after shaking her head to the waitress that attempted to walk over. "Thanks for meeting me," she murmured. "I need a favor."

"Anything," Root agreed readily. She'd do anything to improve the low opinion of her in everyone's eyes. So far the little things she had done to help were working but she could still see their distrust.

"Anything for the right price," Shaw said much slower.

Joss smiled a little. "How about anything you want at any time within reason?" she offered, like offering water to a thirsty man. Shaw wouldn't be able to pass up that deal.

"Deal," Shaw agreed instantly. "So now let's get to business: I assume the favor has to do with Captain America, but talking to him is out of my wheelhouse. I talk with my fists not my mouth."

Root frowned. "I doubt that even if I tried to speak to the big lug it would do much good. He doesn't like me yet."

Shaw snorted. "No one likes you," Shaw reminded her.

"Sweetie, it's impolite to lie," Root retorted, batting her eyes at Shaw.

Joss rolled her eyes. "Ladies, I don't want either one of you to talk to him. I'll be the one doing the talking. But John is avoiding me and I need your help at luring him to your safe house where I can speak to him alone on neutral ground," she explained simply. And when he was there; she was going to give him a piece of her mind because she was angry. But once she said what needed to be said and he apologized, they were going to go to her place where he could make things up to her properly. She'd take a sick day from work to fool around with John.

"Oh, that we can handle," Shaw agreed with her usual smirk.

"Do it now. I'll be there waiting. And this time Shaw; don't mess up," Joss instructed, knowing the little dig at Shaw's ego would get the woman to make sure John arrived in a timely fashion. It worked if the look on Shaw's tiny face was any indication. She slid from the booth and left without another word. But as she walked out of the diner and as she drove to the safe house, she rehearsed what she wanted to say to John.

Joss entered the safe house with the key she was given after she earned enough trust from Finch to get one. It was the same moment they began explaining to her what the machine was and how it worked. She removed her coat and milled around with impatience and anxiousness. Everything in her stilled as she heard the door's tumbler unlock and knew he was here. Joss looked at her watch and nodded; only forty minutes, that was actually quicker than she was figuring.

The door opened and all her anger seeped out of her as John entered. He looked absolutely terrible; bloodshot eyes, days old clothes on, a beard growing, and his hair was in an unkempt mess. Her heart clenched at the bottle of Jack hanging out of his wool coat's large pocket.

"You wanted to see me?" his low voice rumbled.

Joss frowned at the way he worded that and looked behind him to see Root and Shaw there, holding guns pointed at him. She glared at the brunettes. "You kidnapped him?!" she snapped.

Shaw shrugged as she spoke; "You said: 'don't mess up this time;'well he can't fuck me over if I take him to you myself."

"We'll give you two kids some privacy but we'll stand watch so he can't leave until you've had your say, Carter," Root said with a firm shove on John's back sending the man, who was inebriated, stumbling forward so she could slam the door closed behind him.

Her concern grew as she raked her gaze over John. "John, how can you be working numbers drunk?" Joss asked as she folded her arms over her chest. This was not good; Finch had to have seen him and given John a few days off. There was no way John could work the numbers in this condition.

"I quit," he responded, not slurring, but speaking slowly. "Finch doesn't need me."

That was news to her. Those damn brunettes and Finch had some explaining to do once she was done with John. "I beg to differ," she snarled as she reached out and snatched the bottle out of his hand as he grabbed it to uncap it. "You're not drinking this crap, not when we need to talk."

"Say what you want…."

Her anger reemerged tenfold. "Oh gee, thank you so much for the approval," she spat out tersely. "So you want to tell me what has you reverting back to hobo-John?"

He didn't answer.

"Come on John, what has got you drinking again? Is it because of the fact that I dove in front of that gun to spare your life? Or is it because you tried your damnedest to save a life and failed?" she asked as she didn't let up. He remained quiet but his eyes weren't masked. In his inebriated state he didn't bother to hide his emotions. "Or does it have to do with the fact that you think it's over between us and you miss me and think drinking can diminish your need for me?" she demanded, knowing the answer. John had been reckless and careless with his life after the loss of the number but he was still working numbers. Now since their fight and he tried to end things with her, he was a total shit mess.

"Let me get a good look at you John…" she murmured coldly before circling him like a vulture, her keen gaze looking him over with cold precision. She could feel him tensing up, other people it would possibly be out of fear of being struck but she knew John's reaction wasn't that. No, John was tensing up to try his hardest at remaining unaffected by her nearness. The awareness crackled between them and her entire body tingled being close to him. She moved closer allowing their arms to brush as she moved around him yearning for any sort of touch even accidental. "Yea, that's it isn't it, you are drinking like a fish because you can't stop missing me. You can't stop thinking about holding me, touching me, fucking me," she said harshly, watching the man she loved flinch.

"Joss…"

"Tell me I'm wrong," she growled as she stopped directly in front him, her gaze challenging as she looked up at him. She was standing toe to toe with him, her chest was mere inches from pressing against his, his arms were at his sides, and his breath was slow and smelled of alcohol. When he said nothing she continued; "Drinking won't numb you to me, John. You know this. It didn't work when you tried to drink yourself to death over the loss of Jessica. It won't help you now. What could is you crawling your ass back to me. But you won't do that. You want to punish yourself for failing to save that woman. And punish me for choosing to risk my life to save yours. Well newsflash, John, I get to choose what I do and don't do, not you! And Powell's death wasn't your fault no matter how hard you try to place the blame squarely on your shoulders."

John's silence was starting to grate on her nerves but what he said only intensified her anger; "Joss, I think it's best that we go back to being friends."

"No!" she refused vehemently as she shook her head. "No, we will not go back to being just friends because you want me in your life so you can get back to working the numbers but still punish yourself." she said roughly and was horrified as her voice cracked, and tears threatened.

"Joss, please, I'll just keep hurting you if we don't."

She angrily dashed the tears away and focused on her anger and decided sometimes tough love was needed. "You won't but right now that's all that is in your head: you're not good enough, you're not worthy of me, you're going to hurt me. But I know better. I know you and your heart. So no, I don't want to be friends, John, I want it all," she stated bluntly. "I want all of you, John, I want your heart, your body, and your troubled soul or it's nothing; no friendship, no contact, we go our separate ways…and you can let the ghosts of your past keep you company."

Joss had him as she watched sheer panic flicker in his eyes and across his face. "What?" he breathed and she knew she just threw him a curveball.

She felt cruel knowing how much he needed her in his life but she refused to let that sway her because those toxic thoughts that circulated in his head were what she was trying to extinguish. If she could just somehow get them out of his head then they stood a chance.

"You heard me: it's all or nothing, John. If you want to continue to let your past and demons dictate your life that's fine by me but don't expect me to be in the little corner of your life that you'll let me be because I want more, no, I _deserve_ more," she snarled and grabbed his cheeks tugging him down and kissed him. Kissed him with every ounce of love she felt, poured her soul into the kiss just in case he couldn't figure it out. She pulled back and blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. "It's up to you now but you know where to find me if you decide I'm worth fighting for." she forced out, not bothering to look him in the eyes before brushing past him, collecting her coat, and rushed to get away before she changed her mind.

Joss tore the door open not even bothering to stop the tears from falling as Shaw and Root turned around. "He's all yours," she spoke lowly, so her voice wouldn't break in front of them and proceeded to walk away minus her heart.

* * *

John stumbled into his place feeling more sober than he had in days; seeing Joss cry and hearing her tell him that if he chose to let their relationship go then she wanted to have nothing to do with him, killed any buzz he had going. He hadn't anticipated that she'd give him an ultimatum; she knew he couldn't live without her in his life in some capacity.

He couldn't wipe the image of her leaving in tears. His splitting headache didn't compare to the pain in his heart. The sight of her crying and being the cause of it splintered his heart until it widened to a gaping hole as she said it was either all or nothing for them. He loved Joss but all he was doing was hurting her. His gaze settled on the shadow box that he hung up on the wall over his bed. She was too good inside and out for the likes of him.

John closed his eyes as there was a knock on the door. Shaw and Root raked him over hot coals for Joss leaving in tears. Shaw prodded and pushed for answers until he told her what she said.

" _Get sober, and tell her 'all,' you fucking idiot! You love her and for some ungodly reason she loves your stupid ass too. I will not let you mess up my friendship with her. If you let her walk away, she'll walk away from us too and I will make you regret it Reese."_

But as another round of knocks sounded he supposed they were back for round two. John turned and tugged open the door and eyed Finch instead. "Are you here to tell me why letting Joss go was a mistake?" he asked.

"No, from the looks of things you already know it," his friend answered. John let the man enter as he carried a laptop bag. He slid the door closed and walked to his kitchen needing some water.

Harold followed soundlessly, he did note the beautiful shadow box that Jocelyn texted him a picture of, placed on the wall over John's bed. It looked even more beautiful in person.

"I take it if you're not here about my failed relationship with Joss then you're here to convince me to come back to work the numbers."

Finch winced. "Wrong again. I'm sorry, John, but with how heavy you are drinking I don't trust your judgment," Harold admitted softly, trying to take the sting out of the admission. Judging by John's flinch, it didn't work. He didn't mean to hurt his friend but he wasn't here to say things John wanted to hear but things he needed to hear. The moment John sobered up then he would gratefully have John back but until then he needed the time off. Once he was mentally healthy and by Joss's side again, the rest would fall into place.

"So what are you doing here then?"

Finch heard the coldness to John's voice; "I know about the ultimatum Jocelyn has given you John; Ms. Shaw called me irate and wanted me to talk some sense into you. She claimed that you won't want her idea of 'talking' and that you should listen to me."

John sighed as he tugged open his refrigerator and grabbed a bottled water before snapping the cap off and took a large gulp trying to wash away the alcohol in his system so he could think clearly.

"But I'm not going to do that John," Harold murmured.

John cocked a brow up as he lowered the water down and rubbed a hand over his wet mouth. "No?—so you don't give a damn one way or another." he mumbled. "Weren't you the one that told me to think with my heart and not my head?" and what good did that do? He started a relationship with Joss when he knew deep down inside him that he would only end up hurting her. Now she didn't even want his friendship anymore and he couldn't live without her.

"Oh, I do. I think you are making a mistake by trying to walk away from Jocelyn and foolish to believe that she'd just let you walk away without a fight. Jocelyn is a very strong woman, John, the exact kind of woman that you need in your life. She makes you happy and you make the detective happy," Finch explained.

"I make her cry." he growled angrily. "That's what I'm good at, Finch…hurting women or letting them die. She deserves better than me."

Harold's lips thinned. Root and the machine were right. Talking to John wasn't going to work, not when his belief that he wasn't good enough and not deserving of the detective was nearly set in stone.

"I can guarantee you this, John, that the detective would agree with me that your assessment of yourself is off a bit. You can't see what we see because you won't let yourself. But trying to reason with you isn't why I'm here. I'm here simply to offer a different solution to your dilemma," Harold said as he refused to argue with his friend further so John could just verbally beat himself down some more. It was what John was looking for and he, for one, wasn't going to partake in it.

John suddenly felt extremely tired. Harold wasn't doing anything he thought he would and in his less than sober state it left him feeling confused and suspicious. "And what solution is that?" he asked darkly.

"For you to view simulations of what it would be like if you choose all or nothing, John." Harold said simply. "But the question is: are you man enough to see it?" he challenged. Harold knew that if he wanted to help John make the right decision then he was going to have to use every trick in the book to get the less than sober man to comply, even if it meant manipulating him.

John heard the dig, calling into question his manhood, and knew it was to get him to agree and he nearly declined. But he wanted something to sidetrack him from his splitting headache he currently had as he tried to sober up so he could think clearly.

"Alright, Harold, I'll watch one simulation and that's all, so the machine better choose wisely."

Harold nodded curtly and motioned at his living room. "Then let's get started, John…."

* * *

AN: What's a Careese story without a little angst ;D Besides, this was the only way I could see getting John to watch his own simulation if he stupidly tried to end things with Joss. And I'll try to post that quickly because I won't lie it's my favorite simulation of them all.

Thanks for reading!


	14. John's Simulation

**-EVALUATING OPTIONS…**

MULTIPLE OPTIONS AVAILABLE

OPTION 7,152

OPTION 7,151

OPTION 7,150

OPTION 7,149

OPTION 7,148

 **-ANALYSIZING POSSIBLE OPTIONS**

OPTION 7,105: 3.8%

OPTION 7,104: 0.17%

…

OPTION 7,023: 33.8%

 **-SELECTED – OPTION 7,023**

 **-SET SIMULATION**

 **-RUN SIMULATION…**

John opened his eyes and realized he was in the simulated world, because no longer was he at his place with a hangover but outside in jeans and a polo shirt, crouched down behind something plastic and hot pink. He blinked and realized he wasn't alone but rather Taylor and Root were beside him. But what surprised him even more than them being beside him, behind the hot pink plastic thing, it was what Root was wearing. She was dressed as a clown, complete with a red nose, big shoes, and face paint.

"Okay if we stay here any longer we are sitting ducks; mom and Shaw are going to flank us," Taylor remarked dryly.

"Well that's what we get for listening to John," Root reminded.

John felt the need to defend himself, simulation or not. "And you think listening to Ronald McDonald is better?" he retorted dryly.

Root glared at him as Taylor snickered. But John looked down at what he was holding and blinked; it was an orange, yellow, and neon green colored super soaker. He squirted it to make sure what he was holding was what he thought he was holding and sure enough water shot out.

"Don't use up your ammo, there are no refills and we're playing for bragging rights!" Taylor exclaimed.

"I say on a count of three, we go, but, John, please don't get distracted by your wife as you typically do; I think she wore that white t-shirt on purpose," Root murmured brightly.

"Root, that's my mom we're talking about!" Taylor groaned.

John nearly dropped the water gun at that comment and looked at his left hand, and sure enough there was a wedding band sitting on his finger, but he didn't have a chance to remain in awe of the fact that he was married to Joss because Root quickly counted to three and she and Taylor shot out from behind the pink plastic playhouse that they had been hiding behind. He got to his feet too, figuring out that they were playing a game for some reason, and aimed his soaker as he watched Joss, who was dressed in a white t-shirt and jeans, Shaw, and a cute little girl who was pint size came out from behind the wall of the home they were at, all holding their own soakers. The little girl was holding one that was the same size as everyone else but it was about as big as she was.

"Shaw you get Root and Taylor, while Maddie and I double team daddy!" Joss instructed and John stumbled a bit in the grass as he tried to dodge toys, before stilling completely as both the little girl, who apparently was his daughter, and Joss rushed toward him shooting water his way. The moment the cold water splashed his chest soaking his gray shirt and his pant leg jerked him back to what he should be doing and fired at Joss first, and she screamed as he got her right in the neck. He then turned his attention on the cutest little girl he'd ever seen. He squirted her gently in the tummy of her swimsuit and she squealed in laughter and he smiled in response as she bounced up and down letting him douse her rather than try to squirt him back. He wanted to hear her laughter forever. But while the little girl forgot the premise of the game, her mother sure the hell didn't and she was on top of him as she at some point unscrewed the tube of water from the gun and was pouring the contents on the top of his head.

The water war raged until finally all the water was gone and they were all wet and laughing…even Shaw, who looked odd actually smiling. Root looked ridiculous as the face paint was gone in splotches but the red nose still remained and her laughing eyes told the story that she was having fun and was happy to be included.

"Judges come on over," Joss called out as her eyes never left his. Joss looked beautiful soaked to the bone. Her shirt clung to her chest and he could see the outline of her nipples and he groaned in response. Perhaps simulated Root was right and simulated Joss wore the damn shirt on purpose. But he forced his gaze off the hottest woman in the world to fall to the little girl who stood against Joss, coming up to mid-thigh and looked like a miniature Joss except with lighter skin and had the bluest eyes he ever seen in his life. She was beautiful and wearing a purple swimsuit and had braided pigtails. And she was his.

He forced her gaze off her and noticed as Harold and Lionel moved towards them in casual attire and realized they had been grilling on the barbeque. Lionel looked Joss, the little girl, and Shaw up and down first while Harold did much the same with him, Taylor, and Root. Once they perused them fully they swapped sides and did the same again.

"Hold on while we confer and flip the burgers…" Harold murmured as the two men huddled together near the grill, whispering.

Shaw grinned. "You're going down; we won, hands down. I mean, sure, you were handicapped with Root who has the aim of a woman with cross-eyes and a stub for a hand, but it's not our problem."

Root pouted but Taylor shook his head. "No way, I mean look at mom! John got her so wet." John was just grateful the boy didn't point out the little girl looked like she had gone swimming because the thought of her feelings being hurt made John ache.

But Joss's look was downright sinful and John knew exactly what she was thinking and he was swamped with lust. "Oh, I don't know Taylor, Maddie and I got John good." she purred throatily.

"Yea daddy, I squirdded you with water!" Maddie giggled.

His eyes fell to the little girl and his heart flip-flopped at her calling him 'daddy.' He tried to smile at her. "Yes you did," he managed, feeling like his throat had closed from the sheer longing for her to be real.

Harold and Lionel walked back. "It's a unanimous decision," Harold announced.

Lionel moved towards Maddie and lifted her hand up. "Maddie's Gladiators win!" he said with a grin.

Shaw did a victory pump fist as she stuck her tongue out at them as Maddie squealed and clapped as she danced merrily.

Joss grinned as she sidled up next to him. John stared at her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh poor daddy lost, I know how to cheer you up." she murmured as she kissed him. John, as he dropped the water gun and moaned, nearly forgot where he was in this simulation as the woman he loved was pressed against him. Their wet bodies were close, so much so that her breasts were crushed to his chest before he felt little arms wrap around his leg.

He pulled free of Joss and looked down at the little girl. "Daddy I cheer you up too. I don't want you sad on my birthday!" Maddie cried as she practically tried climbing up his leg.

John bent and picked her up and let her press a sweet kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, I feel much better now." he said even as it felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. This little girl was perfect in every way. John felt possessive and never wanted to leave this simulated world and lose this child. Or lose Joss, she was his wife here…and the mother to his child.

He looked at Joss and she laughed. "Don't look at me like that, that's how we had Maddie," she reprimanded teasingly. "Now come on, we should go eat some food so we can get to singing to her and present opening."

John set the bundle of happiness on her feet and she raced over to where Harold and Lionel were and proudly announced she wanted a burger like her daddy. Shaw, Root, and Taylor were all toweling dry their wet clothes before grabbing their plates.

He moved over much slower with Joss at his side as they took towels to try to dry their clothes out somewhat before eating. "Uh, so whose house is this?" he asked after looking around the backyard. It had a kiddy pool, a hot pink plastic playhouse, and a wooden swing set that he was sure he pushed Maddie on the swing.

Joss blinked as she looked at him. "Ours silly,"

"Oh…"

She chuckled as she eyed him oddly. "John…we split time living here and the brownstone when we have to be in Manhattan for _reasons_." He nodded, which meant in this simulation he was still working the numbers.

"I know," he lied and watched raptly as she rubbed her chest.

"I know it's going to take some getting used too but Manhattan isn't that far, only a forty minute drive by expressway. And whenever you're ready to finally hang up the suit; we can live out here full time."

"What about your career?" he asked as he shifted, his pants suddenly felt tight all of a sudden. Only Joss could make drying a wet t-shirt sexy.

She laughed. "I prefer being mom over being a cop any day of the week. I'll work as long as you and once you're ready I'll take my twenty then," she murmured softly, before looping the towel around his neck. "Now stop looking at me like you'd rather eat me and let's get some grub; you can feast on me to your heart's content tonight after our little munchkin is sound asleep with all her new toys on her bed," she purred huskily and stole a kiss before slipping free as the towel dropped to the ground carelessly.

John followed her over slowly as he internally thought of anything to cool himself down a bit and saw Shaw was already sitting down eating with Maddie beside her and Root across from her. "Why is Root dressed as clown?" he asked as they moved to where Finch was still barbequing.

"Did you hit your head or something?" Joss asked with concern. "You're having trouble remembering things."

Finch looked up as he set a hot dog on Joss's bun. "Maddie wanted a clown at her birthday party and Root drew the shortest straw," Finch offered up an explanation.

"Oh…."

"You should know since you rigged it so she would lose," Joss muttered as she moved away to go sit at the picnic table too with her hotdog and several sides on her plate.

John grabbed a hamburger bun and Harold set the burger on it. "I'm so grateful you chose happiness John. You now not only have a beautiful wife but also a beautiful daughter," his friend murmured softly.

John let his gaze wander to Joss and then Maddie. "They are perfect…."

"They are." Harold agreed.

"I don't want to leave them,"he whispered.

"You're not John. I know you still struggle with your past misdeeds but you have people who love you and depend on you. Just know you're never alone," Harold offered.

John simply nodded as he grabbed some potato salad and chips before moving over to where the others were already eating. Maddie kicked her legs as he approached. "Daddy you sit next to me!" she stated, really not asking.

He smiled really not unhappy with the prospect as he took a seat beside her and Taylor, who was sipping a beer as he just realized that the teen was all grown up.

But it was his little daughter who stole his attention as she looked up at him and smiled. "Daddy, tell me how you and mommy got married!"

All the adults groaned in unison as obviously it was a tale they had lived and heard recited a few hundred times.

He thought quickly. "How about mommy tells the story this time?" he suggested.

"Okay," Maddie agreed easily diverted as her attention focused on Joss taking a tiny bite out of her hamburger. John didn't resist the urge to curl an arm around her little body and pull her against him and Maddie easily leaned into him, trying to imprint the feel of her to his memory.

Joss laughed. "Alright, alright, I guess it is my turn to tell it," she muttered but with a smile. And she began telling the tale of how they got married and as he listened he wished for the life of him that this was real and not a simulation.

- **SUSPEND SIMULATION**

- **SIMULATION TERMINATED…**

John tugged the headset off his face and jumped to his feet, probably too fast for a mostly sober but not fully, man should. He stumbled as he quivered and trembled, his head still pounded from the splitting headache but now his heart ached for a new reason. He wasn't in the simulation anymore and his beautiful little girl, Maddie, was gone. Joss, his wife, was gone.

"Are you alright John?" Harold asked quietly, not sure what to make of the look on his friend's face. He did offer a hand to steady him as he stumbled but John ignored it.

Was he? No. He wasn't alright. How could he be? He was just shown a simulation of something he had wanted since he was a boy and watched his parents dance and kiss in the rain. A wife, normalcy, a family…everything he ever wanted was shown to him in one simulation of what could be. But more importantly of what could be…with Joss.

"John?"

He didn't answer Finch. Rather his attention fell onto the laptop in front of them that black screened before words in large font began writing itself as the machine attempted to communicate. John read what it wrote aloud; "Did you see what you needed to make a decision?"

Harold would like an answer to that question himself and waited with bated breath to hear John's response.

"What sort of chance does what you showed me actually have of happening?" John asked instead of answering the machine. The previous text was deleted before a new sentence was shown. "A 33.8 percent chance," he repeated the words on the screen trying to make sense of it. "so there is a 33.8 percent chance of me marrying Carter and having a daughter?" he demanded.

The machine responded with a series of statistics of conceiving a child at a normal sexual activity level for their ages for healthy men and women who had no hidden risk factors and had a healthy sperm count for the last several years. John sighed before rolling his eyes as the machine began pulling up his and Joss's medical files before proceeding to calculate their chances. His brows rose as it tripled the amount of sex they had compared to any normal man and woman their age, which raised the percentage chance of conceiving considerably. He wasn't going to give the machine the satisfaction of knowing it was right about how often they made love.

Harold grinned. Now it made sense why John was a little unsteady on his feet. He saw something that he had wanted and now didn't have. It would leave anyone a little off kilter from being overjoyed to being disappointed in seconds. The machine had used its only simulation John was going to allow wisely and showed John something he always wanted and had with Jocelyn: a family.

"The machine showed you a simulation of you and Jocelyn being married and having a daughter?" Harold asked.

John shifted his gaze off the computer screen and onto Finch. He ran a hand through his short mussed up hair. "Yea," he managed. "Her name was Maddie. She was perfect; spitting image of her mother except she had my eyes. Bubbly and cute, and so damn tiny." he whispered before clearing his throat.

Harold saw the unshed tears of losing something he wanted and Harold wished the machine hadn't chosen to show Mr. Reese a child, because the loss of it in the real world was hurting John. But he wasn't going to question the machine's decision of showing John that simulation. He could only hope it would serve to send John directly into Jocelyn's waiting arms.

"The machine runs these simulations off of data and statistics, John. I assume the machine ran through genetics and tried to make a virtual composite of a child that was a true mixture of you and Jocelyn."

John nodded as he paced back and forth unable to let the simulation go. He could feel Joss's lips on his. He could feel her arms around him. He could still feel the little girl's soft skin. He could still see that tiny smile or hear her bubbly laugh and it was so real to him because he wanted it to be real. He loved Joss and Maddie, who wasn't even real.

"Did you see enough to help you with your choice John?" Harold asked. The machine wanted to know as well.

Did he? Could he even watch another simulation but this time see something if he chose nothing. Chose to let her go, chose to walk away from their love because he couldn't fully come to terms with his own worth? The simple truth was no. He couldn't see a simulation of choosing nothing because he knew what it would consist of: with him buried in the ground.

"I saw enough." he answered.

Now this was the million dollar question. "What do you choose John?—all or nothing?" Harold asked and held his breath as he prayed to hear he was choosing Joss over pain.

But John didn't answer as the door to his place opened and Ms. Groves and Ms. Shaw entered. "Hello boys, Root got a heads up from the machine that Captain America was being given the special treatment of simulations like Carter. And we want to watch the show; hopefully Reese gets turned on like Carter did. Talk about the jokes I can come up with!"

John turned to eye them wearily. "Well you just missed it." he replied dryly.

"Oh, so you know what you're going to do about Carter?" Shaw demanded like a shark in water, and smelled blood.

"Yes."

"So what is it?—all or nothing?" Shaw demanded. "And don't tell me it's none of our business because I have a stake in this relationship too. You choose nothing I lose Carter so you better be choosing the right answer, Reese."

All eyes focused on him and he felt a little self-conscious.

* * *

AN: This simulation is for ravenhusker who asked for a Maddie to make another appearance (sorry no Simon though) so she makes an appearance here, so to speak ;D And I upped the probability of this simulation happening for Elaine who wanted this to have a likelier chance of happening :)

Thanks for reading!


	15. Decision Time

_**AN: Uh...smut alert. I wasn't going to say anything and then I reread this chapter and realized that maybe it's a good idea to give a head's up...*snicker***_

* * *

Joss was miserable but she was miserable with chocolate. She heard a knock on her bedroom door and she looked up and away from her tablet, seeing her son enter. "Hey mom," he greeted, looking fresh from a shower in jeans and a long sleeve fitted shirt. "What's your plan for today?" he asked gently knowing how miserable she'd been for the last day. If it wasn't the puffy eyes and red nose that gave her away, it was the fact that she was wearing one of John's shirts he'd left that was sitting in her hamper to be washed, that she put on instead because it smelled of him, and gray sweatpants covered in used Kleenex.

She smiled. "Easy, gain another ten pounds."

Taylor laughed. "That's not a plan, mom."

"Oh, I think it is baby. See I ate about ten pounds of chocolate candy, then I got another bagful," she said with a nod to the bag in the corner of the room. "I got big plans of binge watching sappy romance movies and eating my chocolate. See, ten pounds easy," she replied breezily. "I need something to distract myself from waiting for John's choice and movies with happy endings and chocolate will suffice."

Taylor nodded. His mother didn't gain an ounce. She was just missing John. "I'm going to hang out with my friends. We're going to go out to breakfast, then head to Dean's house and probably go to the movies," he responded.

"You have fun baby," she said as she wiggled up to press a kiss to his cheek.

Taylor hugged her. "You too, mom." He pulled back as he got to his feet. He hoped John got his head worked on straight soon. He didn't like his mother depressed. Eating chocolate, binge watching movies she'd never watch otherwise, and lounging in her bed on her Saturday off wasn't good. He exited her bedroom, hurrying downstairs when his phone buzzed with a text. He tugged his phone out and smiled slowly when he saw it was John. The text read: _how's your mother_.

Taylor rolled his eyes as he texted back: _choose my mom and come see yourself_. Taylor debated for a few moments before he texted again with: _please, we love you and miss you._

It was silent. John didn't text back and Taylor grinned, almost imagining the look on Mr. Badass's face. He shook his head as he scooped up his jacket and hurried to the door and nearly ran into a chest. Taylor blinked as he reared back as he looked at John who was quietly looking at his phone.

"Seriously? You're texting me while standing at our doorstep?—never mind, I'm so happy you're here!" Taylor exclaimed as he hugged John. "So this means you chose my mom and not your demons, right?"

John hugged the boy back, surprised he was welcomed like this. He hurt his mom. He pulled back. "Uh…"

Taylor waved him off. "Mom told me everything, that you weren't mentally healthy for your relationship with her and that you needed to realize that you have things to offer her. And she told me all about the ultimatum she gave you. But by you being here that means you chose her, right?" he repeated as he pulled the door closed just in case his mom came downstairs and saw John. If John was here to choose nothing then he'd have to have a serious talk with John. He loved his mom and his mom loved him.

John shifted on his feet. "Yes," John hedged.

Taylor smiled as he hugged John again. "Thank god, she's miserable without you with a capital M. And you're not fairing much better, John, you look worse than the zombies on _The Walking Dead_ ," he said looking at John. He was clean shaven and wearing clean clothes, but his eyes gave him away. He was miserable.

John narrowed his eyes as he parted from the boy. He watched that show at the insistence of this kid. "I know you're a teenager but this is not a very good pep talk," he muttered. He was nervous as it was. Joss said to come for her and he did. Now he had to figure out how to get her forgiveness.

Taylor gave John a slow look. The poor guy was nervous. "A word of advice: don't go in there just yet. She'll be pissed that you walked in and tell her how you feel when she hasn't freshened up."

He frowned. "She told me to come to her and I'm here. I want her and I'm not leaving until I can convince her to forgive me for being stupid."

"Just let me go up there and give her a heads up and then you can talk to her okay?" Taylor bartered.

John sighed as he nodded. "Alright," he agreed, not about to rock the boat. Taylor could easily tell him to kiss off for hurting his mother but wasn't; if anything the boy seemed understanding and happy he was here. He followed the teen into her place, removed his coat before walking into the living room to wait there.

Taylor tore off up the stairs two at a time and sped into her bedroom. Joss looked up in surprise. "I thought you left, honey," she murmured as she paused her movie just at the good part. They were close to admitting how they felt about each other which, if last movie was any indication, was going to be the moment her tears would flow again.

"You have a change of plans mom; you have to get dressed. John's downstairs, in the flesh." Taylor murmured quickly. "And don't worry, he looks about as good as you do!"

"He's what?!" she cried as she set her tablet on the nightstand. "Did he say why?" Did she even want to know? She wasn't sure her heart could handle a blow so quickly if he chose to let their love go.

"It's all, mom!" Taylor reassured with a gigantic smile, unable to keep it in and she sighed as her heart started to beat for the first time in about thirty hours since she gave him the ultimatum. "He's nervous because I think he thinks you hate him."

"I love the idiot," she barked as she rolled out of bed and raced to her dresser needing clothes to wear.

"I know that and you know that, he needs to be reminded of that. I told him to stay in the living room so I could get you because you'd be mad if he came up here and you weren't ready for him." Taylor admitted and then frowned. "But maybe I should…"

"No, just stall him. I'll be downstairs as soon as I can. You did the right thing, I need to freshen up a bit."

Taylor nodded. "Okay, I'll stall him and then I'm leaving. No way am I being a third wheel. I think I'll stay at dad's tonight too."

"Honey…"

"No, there are just some things kids don't want to see or know about," he remarked with a look.

She kissed his cheek. "Thank you, sweet boy, now get downstairs and relax John a little so I can get dressed," she said gently. Taylor laughed and left.

Joss looked around her room and frowned. If she wanted amazing makeup sex the first buzzkill was used Kleenex littering the entire bed. And secondly if they didn't want to have candy wrappers getting caught in crevices she needed to do a quick pick up of her room too. But first things first: her, and with that she raced to her bathroom to splash some water on her face and then brush her teeth.

* * *

John let the boy talk his ear off as he impatiently waited for Joss. It was at least a half hour that felt like an eternity and Taylor kept looking up at the stairs himself. While the boy stalled for his mother, John tried to rehearse his apology and how to ask her for forgiveness. When he finally heard footsteps on the stairs he looked away from Taylor to Joss. She looked so damn good. She was wearing blue jeans and a shirt, with light makeup on, and barefoot.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hi," he said barely, anyone would have to strain their ears to even hear the monosyllabic word.

"And that's my cue to go," Taylor said loudly, breaking the tension as he climbed to his feet. He gave his mom a secret thumbs up before making a beeline for the front door and was gone in a flash.

John got to his feet too. She slowly entered the living room as she slid her hands into her back jeans' pockets. "So…" she began but stopped when he said, "you were right" at the same time.

She furrowed her brows. "I was right about what, John?" she asked. She raked a look over him. He was looking better; wearing clean clothes and was shaven. She didn't smell any alcohol so he got sober which was really good news.

"You were right about everything. I was struggling with what you did for me because I didn't feel like I was worth the risk to your life and I didn't handle losing the number well."

"No you didn't," Joss agreed as she folded her arms across her chest. "Recklessly heading into dangerous situations without any forethought to your own well-being or to how I'd feel if something happened to you was stupid."

"I know," he whispered. "I didn't want hear it though. I wanted to physically hurt and trying to walk away from you was the best way to inflict as much pain to myself as possible because you are the only thing I like about myself."

"Oh, John…"

"So you were the reason I started drinking again because I wanted to numb myself to the crushing need to go to you to beg your forgiveness. It didn't really work."

Joss edged closer to him. So far he was explaining everything but what she desperately wanted to hear even though she knew the answer. "Does it ever?"

"No," he answered ruefully. "It just leaves you with a nasty hangover."

Silence fell and she stared at him. He looked exhausted like he hadn't slept any better than she had. And looked about as miserable as she was. "John, I need to know: did you choose? If you can't choose me then I really need you to leave so I can try to learn to move on." she murmured. Just because Taylor said 'all' didn't mean she wasn't holding her breath and felt as if her heart stopped beating awaiting his answer.

"I'll always choose you, Joss." There, he'd said it.

She smiled as tears welled up. She flung herself at him and kissed him with so much need that poured out of her. It was reciprocated and their mouths clung together; wet, and hungry before she pulled back a little to rub away her tears as he held her in his arms.

"I thought you would, but I was scared that you'd let your demons get the better of you." she admitted wobbly. "Taylor said you said 'all' but until I heard you say it…."

"I'm so sorry for hurting you and I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you," he promised her with all his heart.

She shook her head. "No, because it's already forgiven, John; just promise me that you'll talk to me and let me in. Don't push me away, especially during your darkest hour. You have me for the good and the bad."

He swallowed hard. "I'll try. I've gotten so used to keeping people out that sometimes its habit."

She grabbed his hands with hers. "I know that, John. But I'm here for you. It's me and you, together, hopefully forever. I love you."

"I love you too, Joss."

Joss pulled him towards the couch until they were sitting and she snuggled in his arms. "Say that again," she requested.

She felt his smile against her cheek. "I love you, Joss."

Joss just basked in the ability to be in his arms again. For a long while they remained that way on her couch, sitting and holding each other, and just listening to each other breathe. It was her that broke the quiet.

"So when are you going back to work the numbers?" she asked. The numbers was more than a job for John and he needed to get back to it.

"I'll talk to Finch tomorrow and see if he even wants me back."

She rolled her eyes. "He will if you are sober and ready to be back working the numbers. Harold cares about your welfare too," she replied. John silently nodded. She needed him to understand something. "You said you struggled with the fact that I risked my life to save you but I need you to know that should your life ever be in danger again and I can protect you, I damn well going to do it, John; risking my life or not, because you matter to me," she said softly as she sifted her fingers through his hair. "You'd risk your life for me. We're partners in every sense of the word, John. I just want you to know that up front because I will not tolerate being told I cannot protect you when you'd do it for me in a heartbeat."

"Alright…" he agreed, trying hard to be okay with that.

She nodded. "Now kiss me because I want to feel your lips on mine." she ordered and he was helpless but to comply as his head dipped down and kissed her. Joss moaned as her eager body pressed firmly into his as he let her tongue slip into his mouth to tangle with his.

He gave chase as his tongue followed hers into her mouth as she shifted so she straddled him. John grabbed her butt as their kiss changed from urgent and needy to deep and tender.

Joss pulled back and climbed off him. He stood at her insistence as she tugged on his hands. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. His own arms embraced her so that her chest was crushed to his and he was lifting her up so he didn't have to strain his neck so much to kiss her.

She pulled free and grabbed the hem of his undershirt and lifted it up and over his head. The only silver lining of John's spiral downward descent was the fact that he wasn't wearing so much clothing. He grimaced and she eyed the healing shoulder.

"How is your shoulder?" she demanded.

"Getting better, it's just sore, it popped out cleanly and the gunman broke my fall, Joss."

Joss pressed a gentle kiss to his injured shoulder. "Don't do it again John," she ordered as she began sprinkling kisses up his shoulder blade to his neck where she pressed a soft kiss to where his pulse was hammering against his skin.

"Joss, I can't promise…"

"Yes you can. It's easy, just say: 'Joss, I promise not to stupidly jump out a two-story window with only a gunman to break my fall', see easy," she said simplistically. "Now say it,"she demanded.

"I promise to not jump out a two-story window unless it's my only option."

She sighed. She'd take what she could get. Joss kissed him again as she let her hands run across his torso loving all his hard lines and defined muscles. Her roaming touch felt and brushed all his various scars he had before they found and tweaked his hard nipples. Her hands slid around him and ran up his spine. God she could touch his skin forever.

John shivered as her touch was so gentle and caring. He broke the kiss to nip her jawline wanting her top off so he could see her breasts. Joss had perfect breasts that went with her amazing body. They filled his hands and his mouth.

He tugged on her shirt but she ignored the unspoken request so he decided to try verbally. "Joss, I want to take your shirt off." he whispered breathlessly in her ear.

Joss leaned back and shook her head. "No." she said before bending and catching his nipple between her teeth, softly biting the hardness before licking it and then swiftly pressing warm kisses across his chest to find the other tight nipple as her hands rubbed his ass. His hands rested on her shoulders as she leaned her head back to stare up at him before straightening a bit to kiss him hungrily.

He moaned as his hands tangled in her hair as their bodies pressed closer. The barrier of her clothes was an annoyance but her mouth was taking precedence as their lips grew more demanding. She ended the kiss to kiss his neck again before kissing her way back down and tweaked his nipples with her fingers. She wanted him to guess what she'd do to him next.

Joss grinned against his skin as she alternated between kissing, licking, and biting her way down his chest and stomach, pausing here and there to lavish special attention to scars, as she slowly got to her knees swirling her tongue around his naval. She kissed above the waistband of his dress slacks before finally letting her gaze land on his crotch seeing the nice bulge but knew it could be a whole lot bigger.

She pressed a kiss to his manhood through his pants before leaning her head back to look up at him. "I'm in charge this time, John. Got it?" she questioned as she rubbed her free hand against his manhood feeling it harden further in response.

"Yes," he breathed.

She nodded as she pressed another kiss to his crotch feeling the heat of his arousal through his pants. "I want you to watch me undress you John." she purred as she looked up at him and he nodded. She never dropped eye contact while keeping her mouth near his crotch as she felt around for his one large foot. She slowly tugged on the shoelace untying it before letting her other hand go undo the other.

Joss had to be the sexiest woman he ever seen his life and all she was doing at the moment was kneeling in front of him and untying his shoes. His erection thickened and hardened as he followed her direction as she asked him to step out of his shoes, one at a time so she could pull his socks off.

She was grateful John was letting her be in charge this time and she was going to take full advantage. Joss ran her hands up his legs and settled on his hips as she pressed another kiss to his belly. Her right hand fell to his belt and tugged swiftly, drawing the leather out of the gold buckle and proceeded to undo it.

"I said watch me," she barked angrily as his eyes closed and she casually rubbed a hand across his now rock hard erection as she undid the button of his pants. John's eyes jerked open and looked down at her. She leaned forward and took the tiny zipper between her teeth and proceeded to draw it down, meant to do nothing but turn John on.

It worked judging by his groan and she helped his pants fall down to his ankles leaving him in only his underwear. His enormous erection was pressing up the front of his boxer-briefs and she mouthed him through them, feeling John tremble.

She leaned back to order "Step out of your pants," and when he did as she asked she pulled them away. "Come here." she purred throatily. John slowly stepped in front of her and she ran her hands over his strong, corded with muscle thighs, loving the feel of them underneath her hands. Joss let her hands glide down his shins and back up the back of his legs up to his perfect ass. She grabbed handfuls of his butt-cheeks. "You got the most amazing ass John, in and out of clothes," she remarked.

"Yours is better."

Joss chuckled but didn't answer. Instead she hitched her fingers under the elastic of his underwear and pulled them down and he stepped out of them. "Ah, there's my big boy…" she purred as John sprung free, fully erect. Joss stayed eye level and stared at his cock. Penises were penises, but then there was John's. Long, thick in girth, with a large mushroom head, had a bulging vein on the shaft that she was going to trace with her tongue, the skin over the steel was soft and warm, and he was ruddy in color. She licked her lips having a perverse desire to feel John's dick in her mouth, straining and thrusting, ready to explode before losing it and came shooting his seed down her throat.

Embarrassing amount of wetness spilled out of her at the mere mental image. It was a long time since she ever wanted to give a blowjob and she desperately wanted to go down on John.

"Joss?" he whispered sounding like a frog lodged in his throat.

She managed to finally look away from him. "You're not allowed to climax John. You're going to have to stand here as I suck your dick and not come. Understood?"

He moaned as he incoherently nodded. She focused her attention on his aching member and wrapped a hand around his base and licked John's large tip. She softly moaned as he trembled. Joss licked the bulging vein on his shaft and traced its entire length merely teasing him to start.

Joss took the head of John's cock into her mouth and the sharp heavy exhale that escaped John excited her. She let her tongue explore the head before she slowly moved forward to take another precious inch of him into her mouth loving the twitching steel filling her mouth, before slowly taking another fraction in. John made a hot sound as she kept taking more of his throbbing cock into her mouth at small increments knowing it was driving him crazy in need. She didn't stop until his large blunt head probed her throat and for the rest that didn't fit she used her hand to stroke him.

John barely resisted the desperate urge to thrust his hips forward to fill her mouth quicker. Her mouth felt like heaven and she knew it. John used every bit of strength he possessed and curled his hands into fists as he struggled to remain still as she worked him over. His eyes were on her as her bright red lips were wrapped around his thick aching member. Her head pulled back with only his tip left in her mouth before she engulfed him suddenly making him hiss in pleasure. Joss hit the brakes again which had him cursing as she slowly eased him out of her mouth, licking his bulbous head teasingly.

"Did I ever tell you how much I want to suck you off John?"

He nearly came right there. "No," he croaked.

"Well I do. I want to pleasure you, to feel you explode in my mouth out of sheer ecstasy, and I want to eat everything you have and more. I want to taste you as you tasted me. You want that for me, don't you?" she whispered as she pressed kisses against him all the way down to his base before she licked his balls.

He shivered and trembled. "Yes, whatever you want…"

She moaned as she inserted him back in her mouth and moved on his throbbing cock faster and John felt the pressure in his dick build and he groaned as she enthusiastically was sucking him. She was humming sending little reverberations across his aching cock and he shuddered. John's hips moved of their accord thrusting forward shallowly as his hand drifted into her hair. Her lips and tongue were drawing him closer to the edge.

John tightened the grip he had in her hair as she slowed down and she chuckled with her mouth full of him. She pulled her mouth back to playfully lick him. "Is there something you want?" she sang, taking a much needed breather. Her knees were starting to hurt but she wasn't going to stop this yet. Not when he hadn't yet been in danger of coming in her mouth. No she wanted him right on the precipice but not let him get there. It would serve to heighten his ecstasy when she did let him come.

"I…"

She smirked as she looked up into his eyes. "You what?" she purred.

"I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you till you're screaming." he groaned, his voice thick with need.

Joss shivered as her body reacted to the mere image of John practically slamming inside her as her clothes hung off her. Sexy. But she wanted this more.

"Maybe some other time," she muttered. John cursed as she settled back on him after the orgasm that was building faded. Did she realize it or was she doing it because she needed a breather? But her sinful mouth gliding over his length all the way to where her hand was holding him steady for her ministrations took precedence. He tilted his head back to moan her name as this time she continued to suck him rhythmically and it was pure bliss.

She could feel him begin to strain in her mouth. She looked up at him careful to keep the same tempo, judging by the moans he was making he was enjoying it, seeing that he was flushed with a fine sheen of sweat forming on his skin, and watched as his pink lips slackened. John submitting to her was so damn sexy and arousing. He thrust into her mouth unexpectedly and she nearly gagged, because she was staring up at him so Joss grabbed his hips and slowly let him slide out of her mouth regretfully.

He cursed as he was seriously close to coming. Pre-cum moistened the tip and she leaned down to lick it up. John whispered her name as he shifted away. If she didn't want him to come he needed his dick nowhere near her mouth. Her mouth should come with a warning label.

Joss glared up at him. "Stand still so I can lick up this delicious pre-cum up," she ordered, feeling perversely sexy that she had this sort of control on their encounter.

"Joss, I don't think I can…"

"I said stand still so I can lick up this delicious pre-cum John." she repeated throatily, hands firm on his hips. "Who's in charge here?" she growled.

"You are…."

"Who's in charge?" she asked seductively as he stilled and she rubbed his balls.

He groaned but managed; "you are, ma'am."

Joss sighed as she refocused her attention on his tip and sucked, licked, and wrapped her tongue around him letting the slick bumpy underside of her tongue run across it and John whimpered. It was the sexiest sound she ever heard. She pulled her mouth off his dick and there was a string of saliva from her mouth to his throbbing organ. "So hot," she moaned to herself as she licked her lips breaking the string.

Joss slowly got to her feet and he blinked as he eyed her. "Let's head upstairs that way you're not in danger of coming and I can get a little more comfortable," she suggested.

He simply nodded and followed her upstairs stark naked. "Lay down," she ordered. John did rather reluctantly so she gave him something as she began removing her clothes. She was ridiculously wet and knew the scent would tease him further. "There, since you have been so good at listening, here's a treat." His eyes focused on the bruise from where she took the bullet. It was a nasty shade of purple. "John I'm fine,"she snapped.

He shifted his gaze away from her bruise and took in her tight nipples and then her pussy. It had to be wet and ready for him. "Come here…" he begged.

"No. I want to suck you dry, John," she rebuked as she climbed onto the bed and knelt near his erect cock. Her bed felt so much better than the hard floor. Joss wrapped her hand around him and looked John in the eyes. "This time I won't stop and I want you to come, got it?"

"Joss…"

She bent over his crotch and took him into her mouth and moved on his length with ease, quickness, and with single-minded determination to make him come. Gone was the teasing. John moaned as his hips lifted a little and she pressed them down as she sought to be the one in charge of this, be in charge of his pleasure.

He made a sexy rough hungry sound that spurred her on. Joss cradled his testicles as she sucked at the throbbing organ in deep but quick strokes, her pussy felt like liquid fire as she eagerly sucked his dick. He was close, judging from the soft noises he was making and the way he was straining in her mouth. She was close to tasting him as she had been wanting for so long.

"Joss, I'm about to…" he tried to warn her but she didn't care. She just continued to work him over wanting it and wanting it now. Joss felt John stiffen beneath her as he moaned her name loudly as he came. She moaned as his cock jerked in her mouth and she swallowed his thick white cream that erupted from his dick like an erotic volcano. Joss sucked everything John gave and more until he was utterly spent and limp. She slowly pulled her mouth off his cock which was now flaccid, yet still very much impressive. She rubbed at her mouth as her pussy throbbed in need, eyeing the dazed look on John's face with smug satisfaction as his breath came in fast pants.

"That was amazing," she whispered.

"Tell me about it," he said breathlessly as he rubbed a hand over his face. He felt boneless from his orgasm but after a few minutes his eyes sought her out and saw her touching her clit. "Let me take care of you, Joss…" he begged.

She nodded, not about to deny herself his wicked mouth. John sat up and motioned her to sit at her pillows, with her knees bent a little. John lied down on his belly and settled his mouth directly at her pussy, her legs over his shoulders as he held her hips in his hands.

He inhaled her. "You're so turned on," he murmured still breathing fast from his own orgasm.

"If you hadn't noticed I made this sexy guy come out of his mind. It turned me the hell on," she whimpered as his hot breath tortured her aching core. She put her hand on his head and pushed him down.

John licked her and his eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head at the amount of wetness that coated his tongue on that single lick. He wanted to prolong her orgasm draw it out for her but he knew she was close and in need, so he latched his mouth on her swollen nub of desire and sucked gently.

Joss came with a shout as she gripped his hair tightly as she jerked her hips up against his mouth. She panted as he stayed with her the entirety of her orgasm before she went limp. He pressed a warm kiss to her thigh as he lifted his head to lay it on her belly.

"I love you, Joss…."

She smiled with warm eyes. "I love you too, John."

* * *

They had showered and made love slowly and passionately, before collapsing in bed, sleeping for a few hours, both needing the rest after sleepless nights. Now he was awake and watching her.

"Joss," he whispered as he slid his fingers through her hair. "Joss, wake up…" he murmured.

She sighed as she shifted, rousing a little. "You know you could wake me up in a much more pleasant way," she murmured sleepily. "…like a kiss on the lips or a kiss much further south on some hidden lips…" she grumbled as she smiled dreamily.

He chuckled. "Oh I will definitely be kissing those hidden lips and so much more later," he assured her. He was quiet for a moment before saying; "I love you."

"I love you too," she said, sounding as if she was dozing back off.

"Will you marry me, Joss?"

Joss was drifting in and out of sleep when she thought she heard him say something along the lines of 'marry me' and her eyes snapped open and all sleep fled. She rolled onto her side and leaned on her elbow to stare at John as he lied on her pillow, facing her, on his side.

"What did you just say?" she demanded.

"I said: will you marry me, Joss?" he repeated simply.

Joss nodded. "Okay, that's what I thought you said." she muttered more to herself before glancing at him. "Let me make sure that I understand you correctly; you're asking me to marry you….without a ring, in my bed while we're naked after mind-blowing sex?"

He lips lifted into a small smile. "That's what I'm saying, Joss."

"Real smooth, John!" she huffed as her heart did some somersaults in her chest.

"Are you going to answer or do I have to guess?" he wondered aloud.

Joss hesitated because her initial desire was to blurt out 'yes' a few hundred times before she attacked him sexually but she needed to be more cautious. She didn't want him thinking that she needed some marriage proposal when she said she wanted all of him.

"John, where is this coming from? If you think I need some commitment to know you love me and want to be with me, and wanted to give yourself fully to me, I don't," she reassured him.

"So you don't want to marry me," he said and didn't do a very good job of hiding the hurt in his voice.

Joss brushed her lips across his. "Now don't go putting words in my mouth. I didn't say that. I'd love to marry you but I want to make sure this is coming from the right place. Just hours ago we were broken up and unsure of our future together and now you want to get married," she murmured as she sat up and he followed.

When she put it like that he could understand her hesitation. Now he had to prove to her that this was something he truly wanted. "Remember how you told me about seeing simulations to figure out if we should be more than friends or not?" he asked quietly.

She blinked in surprise. "Root showed you simulations if you had chosen all or nothing?"

"No. Finch did."

Joss nodded. It didn't upset her to think that he needed simulations to know he wanted to be with her. Because he watched the simulations just as the same reason she had: to realize it.

"So what kind of simulations did you get to see?" she asked.

"Only one, I stipulated one simulation and the machine chose to show me a simulation if I chose to give you all of me. The machine needn't to show me a simulation if I stupidly chose nothing because I already know what my future would have been," he murmured gruffly.

"And what would it be?"

"Buried in an unmarked grave," John answered readily.

"Oh, John, don't say that!"

He shook his head as he put a finger to her lips gently shushing her. "I told you before, Joss; I can't lose you. And not having you in my life would be the death of me," he said as he stared deeply into her eyes. She swallowed hard as she reached up and grabbed his hand and held it. "I think the machine knew that so it showed me a future I could have with you if only I'd stop sabotaging the only good thing in my life."

"So it showed you us in some distant future?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Were we by chance married?" she wondered.

John was surprised. "How did you…"

"Know?—easy, the machine showed me a simulation of us married. We were on our honeymoon." Joss said gently. "By then I had already seen two simulations of us choosing just friendship so I was a little skeptical of where we were together in that simulation. So was your simulation of us on our honeymoon?"

"No." he answered slowly not sure if he should tell her about the little girl they had. He didn't want to get his hopes dashed if Joss said she didn't want a child. Maybe it could be just his little secret.

Joss leaned into him. "So what did you see?" she asked.

"We were married, but had been married for a while." he said vaguely. "I got to see this whole other life that I wanted and realized that I was getting in my own way of that."

She smiled. "Yea, those simulations have a way of helping you realize what you know in your heart," she agreed as he looked at her again. "Yes, I'll marry you."

He smiled. "Really?"

"Yes, I don't want to make you go into a coma to just say yes." she replied as she surged forward and kissed him clumsily as he fell backwards on the bed. He kissed her warmly before pushing her back softly.

"Coma?" he questioned.

Joss rolled her eyes. "Just make love to me…" she commanded.

"Yes ma'am!" he smirked.

* * *

AN: Hope you guys made it through the incredibly long chapter, sorry about the length. I waited patiently for the right moment for this story for Joss to get her chance to rock John's world. And you know what never gets old writing...Careese smut ;D

Thanks for reading!


	16. Happy Wedding Day

"MOOOOOOOM,"

Joss checked herself in the mirror one last time before exiting the bathroom as her son called up to her. "I'm coming, I'm coming," she shouted in response. Her son had been impatiently waiting for her at the base of the stairs for the last half hour but she wanted to look perfect. It wasn't every day you got married.

Shaw was pacing back and forth angrily in the hallway fingering her dress before lifting her dark gaze. "Finally, you want to be late to your own wedding? I'm not listening to Reese bitch at me when it's your fault," Shaw grumbled.

Joss smiled as she touched the pink lace ruffles. "You look cute in your little poofy bridesmaid dress, Shaw. You're like a walking and talking bottle of _Pepto Bismol_ ," she teased. Shaw's lips thinned as she glared daggers her way. "Hey you deserve this retribution after that bachelorette party from hell."

Shaw held a hand to her chest trying for the look of pure innocence. "How was I to know that the stripper was going to fall and break his nose as we danced on the tile floor?—although I thought Reese was going to pop a blood vessel when he saw you tending to the stripper," she said with a snicker.

Joss rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't call what you two were doing dancing. And I asked you to _not_ get a stripper which is why you're wearing that horrendous pink ruffle dress."

They breezed downstairs and Taylor stared at her. "God mom, you're absolutely beautiful. John is going to be definitely wowed," he murmured as he hugged her. She chose an ivory colored dress that was off-shoulder with lattice sequined lace, flowed to her feet in a beautiful classic train. She chose a pretty white flower with pearls clip in her hair, pulling some of her hair back on one side, instead of a veil. It felt too traditional for her liking. This was simple, beautiful, and perfect for her. Her son was looking particularly dashing in his tuxedo with a blue vest and matching bowtie and Joss suddenly couldn't wait to see John in his tux.

"Thank you honey, you're looking so handsome too," she said as she eased out of the hug.

Taylor's gaze slid to Shaw. "And you, you look like a few pink marshmallow peeps clumped together," he admitted with a laugh.

Shaw scowled and then glared at her. "Strip-per," Joss sang before becoming increasingly impatient. "Now let's go, I'm ready to get married to John!"

She was more than ready to 'get married' to John. It wasn't really going to be legal in the eyes of the law as John Warren wasn't a real person, but it was a clean alias for John, and one integrated into the world, but it was going to be real to them. Their friends, Taylor, and Bear were the only ones going to be there as they pledged their love to one another. At first it was going to be simple but then Finch got a hold of it and wanted a real wedding, even if it was small. He wanted a wedding dress, a maid of honor, a best man, a cake, dinner, and the whole shebang. And while a part of her thought it was a little over-the-top, the other—much bigger—part of her was excited. John had proposed and she said yes just a little over a month ago and since that moment she became anxious to become his wife.

They exited her place in a rush. She sighed as there sat a limo waiting for them. Of course Harold went all out for this. She was a little surprised at the fact that he was getting them a limo to take them to the library with his paranoia level. They had spent a week cleaning up the lower level lobby to get it ready for a ceremony. John needed private and intimate and for the most part she hadn't cared where they held their little ceremony as long as it happened.

Everyone filed into the limo and the driver closed the door and Taylor grinned at her like he had a secret. "What?" she demanded.

"Nothing mom, I just can't wait for you to marry Mr. Badass; he's been really anxious about today. He loves you so much," he murmured.

Joss cocked a brow up. Her son was hiding something and trying to use John as a diversion. "Uh-huh, well I think you got a secret that you're hiding from me," she remarked. Her kid's look faltered and she shook her head. "Don't ever play poker baby because you'd lose badly. What's going on?—is there a runaway groom?" she demanded.

"No. John wants to marry you, mom."

"Good! Because I don't feel like chasing him down in these heels or having Shaw hog tie him to the ceremony."

"Sounds fun," Shaw commented.

Her gaze didn't shift off her son. "So what's up then?" she asked.

"N-nothing mom,"

"Taylor, don't lie to me," she stated tersely.

"Okay, something is going on but nothing bad that you have to worry about," Taylor crumbled while still keeping his secret.

Joss narrowed her eyes on him but didn't say a word further. She'd be the judge of that. Her gaze shifted onto Shaw who still wore the same bland face she typically wore. Either Shaw didn't know what was going on or she didn't care even knowing. Being it was Shaw it could be either one.

Joss was quietly reflectively on her life and how she got to this point instead of trying to figure out what her son was hiding. Let him keep his secret, he said it wasn't bad. Soon John was going to be her husband; he'd be all hers for the rest of her life to love, just as she'd be his for the rest of his. Her husband, she liked the sound of that. And she began conjuring up different scenarios of how and where she could get away with calling him her husband, John, rather than just John.

Her musings were interrupted as the limo stopped and Taylor announced they were there. She looked out the tinted window and gaped. "Here?" she squawked as she climbed out of the limo. Her gaze landed on John who was standing in a tuxedo with Fusco and Finch by his side who had Bear dressed in an orange vest, and Root was wearing a champagne colored satin gown waiting for them to arrive.

Joss managed to tear her hungry gaze off John who looked downright sexy in his tuxedo that she wanted to peel him out of at this very moment. "The River Café," she said in question.

John was just staring at her. "Joss, you're beautiful," he whispered. She was like an angel that was heaven sent just for him, and soon she'd be his wife.

She smiled dreamily. "You're not so bad yourself," she replied with warmth.

Shaw rolled her eyes clamping her jaws tight to keep from making a snarky comment as she threw up a little in her mouth from all the sickening sweet looks they were shooting each other but decided to give Reese and Carter this day to be sappy lovesick fools. It was their wedding after all, but after the honeymoon, and they bang the shit out of each other, if they continued, then all bets were off for her swallowing her wisecracks.

Harold spoke up to explain why they were where they were at. "Yes, you and John will be getting married here instead of at the library."

Joss looked to her friend who spoke trying to not be rude. "Not that I'm angry about the change of plans but I'm curious as to why they were changed," she said.

"When you didn't seem happy about getting married in the library even after we cleaned up the lower level lobby and decorated it, your son suggested here and I immediately rented out the entire café to keep it private." Finch explained, leaving off he had to pay a hefty sum to the previous couple who were going to get married today here.

Taylor nodded. "I struggled to not say anything for like the last twenty-four hours. It was tough, mom, and you made it worse as we drove here."

Joss hugged her son. "Finally a suggestion I can get down with," she said softly to hide how close to tears she was. Her son was so thoughtful and this was a perfect venue for her and John to get married at.

"I thought where we decided to be more than friends, wasn't that bad of a suggestion," John said quietly, still not quite seeing what was so bad about it. Sure it didn't have the best lighting and perhaps dumpsters weren't the best wedding decoration but it wasn't nearly as bad as Root's suggestion of where they should hold the ceremony.

Joss pulled out the embrace and rolled her eyes. "There was no way in hell we were getting married in an alleyway."

"Well I thought you two kids getting married in the morgue where you shared your first kiss was better than any idea given and you refused mine!" Root remarked jokingly.

"And I told you that I wasn't marrying the man I love with corpses as attendees or you'd be joining them," Joss retorted dryly.

Root pouted. "I thought it was romantic," she mumbled sadly.

"You would Cocoa Puffs," Lionel deadpanned.

John was anxious. "Can we just get inside so I can marry Joss, please?" he asked gruffly. He had been patient this last month when he wanted to marry her the day after he proposed. His patience has worn thin and he wanted her. He had a lot of firsts to look forward too. The first time he made love to his wife, the first time he made love to his wife after their honeymoon, the first time he made love to his wife on their anniversary; lots and lots of firsts.

"I second that notion," Joss agreed.

They filed into the café and inside the glass enclosed pavilion that overlooked the New York skyline. It was breathtaking but nothing took her breath away like John did.

Joss stepped in front of John as Root and Fusco took their seats with Bear at their side, while Harold stepped in front of her and John waiting to begin. It was such a good idea to have Harold be the ordaining minister for their wedding, that way her son could be John's best man. Shaw stepped behind her and John finally caught sight of her after managing to free his gaze off Joss that left him spellbound.

"Shaw, why do you look like you covered yourself in cotton candy?" he asked lowly with a smirk.

Shaw's dark gaze narrowed. "Do you want a mouthful of my fist?—your soon to be wife, picked out this ridiculous dress for me to wear! Never am I being a maid of honor again, it royally blows."

Joss snorted. "Well, if there is ever a next time when the bride asks you to not get a stripper at their bachelorette party you should listen because they choose what dress you wear." she supplied innocently as she stared at John.

"May we begin?" Harold requested to keep Ms. Shaw and Mr. Reese in line. The two had a healthy appetite of outdoing one another. Everyone simply nodded. When John and Joss suggested that he could be the ordaining minister he had jumped at the idea and got his license online. He had been practicing in front of the mirror for the last two days, but still he was nervous. He wanted this perfect for Jocelyn and John, they both deserved nothing but the best. "Before I begin I just wanted to say something first," he admitted and both John and Jocelyn nodded with confused looks on their faces. "I just wanted to say: thank you."

"For what Harold?" John asked.

"For letting me be a part of your lives and for being very near and dear friends of mine. I am honored that you asked me to marry you both, and honored that you and Jocelyn consider me as a friend."

"Oh Finch," Joss whispered feeling like she was going to cry. "We are honored to have you in our lives too," she assured him, speaking for both her and John, knowing John had a tough time speaking his feelings.

But John surprised her as he spoke with softness; "You're more than a friend, Harold; you are like a brother."

Joss sniffled as tears slipped down her cheeks at Harold's look at John's heartfelt admission. "I assure you John that the feeling is mutual," Harold said softly.

Fusco hurriedly got up and handed her his handkerchief. Joss dabbed at her eyes and groaned. "I'm already crying and we haven't even started the ceremony yet." she said in mock indignation, before Fusco took the handkerchief back and took his seat once more.

Harold cleared his throat. "Yes we should begin now, please join hands." he asked and John reached down and took her hands. "Do you, Jocelyn, take John to be your wedded husband, to cherish in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in success and in disappointment, to love him faithfully today, tomorrow, and for as long as you both shall live?"

Joss smiled as she held John's hands tightly. "I do," she whispered instantly as she simply stared into John's eyes. They shone brightly with unshed tears and she felt new tears welling up in her own and silently thanked whoever created waterproof mascara.

Harold smiled as he focused on John. "Do you, John, take Jocelyn to be your wedded wife, to cherish in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in success and in disappointment, to love her faithfully today, tomorrow, and for as long as you both shall live?

John knew he should answer but he couldn't and not because he didn't want to but because he desperately wanted too. He wished he was alone with just Joss.

"Just take your time John," Joss encouraged softly.

"Hey wonder-boy, did you forget your only line?—you're supposed to say 'I do'!" Lionel called out teasingly, trying to relax the big guy.

"Well I'll only need to use this line once, unlike you, Lionel," he called out gruffly, still feeling choked.

"Hey, not everyone can find a saint like you did with Carter!" Lionel bickered back.

John reopened his eyes and just focused solely on Joss as everyone else melted away. "Can you repeat yourself Harold," he asked.

Harold cleared his throat and said; "Do you, John, take Jocelyn to be your wedded wife, to cherish in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in success and in disappointment, to love her faithfully today, tomorrow, and for as long as you both shall live?"

John stared at Joss who was smiling and patiently waiting. "I do," he whispered gently.

"Oh John," Joss said softly before looking at Harold. "Can we just skip to the part where he kisses me and then go back to the ring part?" she demanded.

Harold chuckled, "It's your wedding."

"Thank god," she said as she faced John again, grabbed his cheeks and kissed him.

* * *

John carried Joss into the honeymoon suite. "Finally, no nosy friends, or machine, or no new number to work; just me and my wife," he announced possessively as he set her on the bed with a loving kiss.

She giggled as she watched John backpedal to go pop the cork on the champagne that sat in ice. "That sounds perfect to me too, you know. These last two weeks has been busy so it's nice to finally be alone together." she sighed as she sat on the bed watching John as he poured them glasses.

He carried them over and handed her a glass before sitting down beside her and kissed her neck. "Three days to ourselves in the honeymoon suite in The Plaza Hotel with people waiting on us hand and foot. Sounds perfect." John murmured as his showered her with kisses.

Joss couldn't wipe the grin off her face as she let herself be showered with the kisses as she looked around the gorgeous suite; a three day honeymoon in the honeymoon suite, alone together sounded like pure heaven to her. Their lone suitcase was delivered before they even got here. Finch had taken care of everything and promised they would handle any and all numbers without daring to interfere on their honeymoon. Joss hadn't packed much in the way of clothes. Just lots and lots of lingerie filled their lone bag along with checkout clothes too.

"How about a toast, John?" she suggested, halfheartedly pulling back from his soft mouth. He merely smiled and nodded. "To a lifelong future together full of love," she said with eyes on his.

They softly tapped their glasses together and each took a sip. He plucked the glass out of her hand and set them both on the nightstand. "I want to make love to my wife now." he said impatiently. He wanted to be joined to her, to meld their bodies as one. He had thought about this moment since he asked her to marry him and wondered if it would feel any different from when they made love before they were married.

He reached around her and undid the zipper of her dress as his mouth settled on her sternum and licked between her breasts. "It finally happened; the 8.6 percent chance, happened." she moaned as his tongue was setting her body on fire in mere seconds.

"I know. You're finally my wife." he whispered throatily against her skin before his tongue made figure eights on it.

"You're finally my husband," she said breathlessly.

He sat back and smiled. "Can you say that again?" he asked.

Joss grinned. "You're finally my husband, husband," she repeated as she looked down at the sparkling engagement ring and now wedding band that sat with it. John had gone out and got her the most beautiful engagement ring in the history of rings. She had blubbered over him for an hour after he reissued his proposal as he slid the ring on her finger.

He kissed her passionately and she felt singed from the inside out before her dress magically disappeared and she was bereft of his embrace as he stood to remove his tux. Joss groaned as he stood naked next to the bed; penis erect and ready to join her, with a smile on his face.

"So wife, tell me; how much talking did we do on our honeymoon in your simulation?" he asked innocently as he remained still beside the bed as she got to her knees in front of him

"Not much," she whispered as she tugged him on top of her and kissed him fiercely. John's playfulness fled as need reemerged and he needed to be joined with her more than he needed his next breath.

And they finally made love as man and wife.

* * *

AN: This wedding scene was totally different originally but I like this one WAAAY better. Anyways, one more chapter and this is over. Thanks for reading!


	17. Epilogue

Joss couldn't stop the tears from falling as she watched John as he held their daughter who was so tiny in his arms. He just rocked her back and forth and was whispering something to her. Madeline Rae was born just five days ago and Joss was still struggling to believe this was her life. She almost pinched herself or asked the machine if she was still in a simulation because she was married to a beautiful man who worked extremely hard at putting his past behind him, and now she not only had a son who was in college but she had a beautiful newborn baby girl.

Madeline 'Maddie' Warren was already a happy baby. Like any normal baby Maddie cried only when she was hungry or in need of a diaper change but their munchkin was just so quiet about it. Once she was in mommy or daddy's arms she was one happy little lady. Taylor as a baby had a healthy set of lungs that he used quite often no matter when or where.

When she found out she was pregnant she had panicked at first about telling John. Having children wasn't something they talked about but when she sat him down and broke the news, he smiled, and picked her up and spun her around. It was the exact opposite reaction to the one that she had been figuring she would receive. Then he was overly protective and practically broke a man's hand when he tried to touch her round belly as she got bigger and bigger. She felt bad for the guy who was like in his eighties and clearly had grandchildren. Shaw was even worse than John at being protective. When they were together the woman would walk in front of her and practically announce that a pregnant lady was coming through and threatened bodily harm if they didn't move the hell out of their way.

Harold had bought out the baby stores with everything they could want or need. They practically had a lifetime supply of diapers and baby food stocked in their place! Root had looked disinterested for the most part until Maddie was born and their friends all met the newborn; Root was petrified of the little baby which had amused Joss. Once Maddie was older she'd try to get Shaw or Root to hold her but not until her daughter was just a little older for the newbies. Fusco had been the most normal in reaction to her pregnancy as he simply purchased Maddie a cute little New York Yankees cap.

Her thoughts and attention drifted back onto father/daughter as Maddie was set back into her crib sound asleep. He looked up and saw her leaning against the doorframe and watching them. "Hey, you should be asleep," he whispered as he walked away from their daughter and dropped a kiss on her head, he draped an arm over her shoulders as he escorted her back to their bedroom.

John tugged his boxer-briefs back off and set the baby monitor back on the nightstand as Joss let him pull her into bed as they cuddled up together as John spooned behind her and flipped the comforter back on them. It was two in the morning and Maddie had woken up crying for a diaper change. John instantly was up and doing it. One of these times she would get too. He pressed a kiss to her neck.

"Go back to sleep Joss," he whispered.

She held his arms that were wrapped around her as her eyes stubbornly refused to close. "John?" she murmured softly, needing to ask something before she tried to sleep.

"Hmmm…."

"Care to tell me a story?"

He chuckled. "Like a bedtime story?" he wondered gently.

"Something like that. Can you tell me why you were hell bent on naming our daughter Madeline?" she asked. It was bugging her. She wondered if it was an old family name or something.

"I just liked the name."

Uh-huh, she didn't buy that excuse. He had said if it was a girl that he wanted to name her. She had agreed as she knew she was going to name the child after him if it was a boy. "I don't believe that one little bit, John," she retorted.

John sighed. "Would you believe it was the name of our daughter in the simulation I saw?" he asked.

Joss scrambled to roll over to look him in the eyes. "That simulation you saw when we were broken up had us having a child and you didn't tell me?" she demanded.

"I didn't know if I should."

"Uh, you should! I mean we had a simulated baby together, John!" she huffed angrily as she sat up to snap the lamp on.

He groaned as he squinted his eyes against the light and reluctantly sat up beside her as he yawned. "Am I in trouble?" he wondered aloud.

"Yes!"

"Because I didn't tell you about a child that didn't exist?" he murmured.

"Yes." she repeated knowing it was ridiculous but he owed her since she just gave birth to his daughter who had made her sick for the entire nine months. Maddie came three weeks early from her due date thankfully.

"I didn't know what to do Joss. I didn't know if you even wanted another child or not and then when you got pregnant with Maddie I didn't even think about it. You and our unborn child were my sole focus," he explained as he eyed her with those damn puppy eyes.

Joss exhaled as she couldn't even hang onto her ire. "What was she like? How old was she?" Joss asked. It would be almost like glimpsing into the future of what their daughter might be like. She had a feeling their little girl was going to have a double dose of stubbornness though, as she did have her and John as parents, which could get their baby into some trouble.

"She was beautiful, a spitting image of you and I think she was five or so. Taylor was all grown up and drinking beer with us at her birthday party."

Joss nodded. "What color eyes did she have?" she asked. Right now Maddie had dark blue eyes but there was no telling if they'd turn lighter blue like John's or brown like her. And she was praying daily that Maddie would be blessed with John's blue eyes.

"Blue, like me," he answered as he pulled her close. "I'm sorry for not telling you."

"I'm not really mad. How can I be when we have the real version?" she muttered, relishing the soft kisses he pressed to her cheek, and then neck.

"I love you, Maddie, and Taylor very much."

"Well, we love you too, John," she reassured him as she kissed him tenderly.

He smiled as he pulled back and she snapped the lamp off, allowing him to tug her into his side and she curled up into him and fell asleep with her hand pressed to her husband's heart as he held her tight.

* * *

AN: How could I tease a Maddie sighting and not give her :) I mean I'm not heartless. But this does signal the end to the story, and I do appreciate everyone that took the time to comment XOXOX. Elaine, you helped me soooooooooooo much by just listening to me ramble and helping me, so thank you! To all guests a special shoutout and extra XOXOXOX to you since I couldn't message individually to you.

I got something in the works( if you like AUs you may be happy) so you'll be seeing a new story coming and perhaps maybe I can get my muse back firmly on Guardian so that poor thing can get re-started. I have a Finch saving to write and a first kiss for Careese to get too ;D


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